My two ears are enough...

By Yanusa Nugroho

Have you ever heard a gold fish cry? Don't laugh. This is an important question. For me, a fish crying is a common thing, like a child crying or a girl missing her boyfriend so much she cries herself to sleep, alone in her bedroom.

It happened to me, quite unexpectedly. I mean, all of a sudden I came across strange things. First I had a fever, my temperature went up to 40 degrees -- maybe more, because my wife went out of her mind. She started muttering nonsense.

Suddenly, I heard a sea of human voices, so many they passed by like the blast of traffic on Jl. Sudirman at noon. I only recognized one voice: that of my wife. And of course that of my child who could only mutter, "Wa...wa...wa..."

But the other voices, whose voices were they?

My temperature went down and returned to normal after my mother came and gave me a concoction of rice water mixed with sugar. No kidding. After the doctor had given up, my mother, 70 years old, came up with a recipe which beat sophisticated medical science. It was after my temperature went down that I started to become aware of the strange things that had happened to me and I realized that they had not been hallucinations. I was convinced that they happened in the real world. I was sure of it, as sure as I was of the fact that I had a head, two eyes, a mouth, a heart and ear wax.

"Daydreaming again? Si Koky telling you stories again, is she? my wife teased me. I kept silent. Like everybody else around me, she did not believe that the gold fish in our aquarium could talk, laugh and cry, like humans do.

"Tri," she said to our child, not yet two years old,"your father is possessed by the spirit of King Angling Darmo. Look at how he can hear fish talking, maybe also the grass...," she said, laughing heartily. I could only give a sour smile.

Didn't God create all beings and equip them with all they need? Isn't that why every creature expresses itself in a way acceptable to other creatures? So, what was so strange about people who can suddenly hear animals or plants talk? Why is it a big deal? If they don't believe me, fine. But if one believes in such things, they should not consider it strange. This confused me.

"Don't just daydream, or you will be possessed by the spirit of Prophet Solomon. It would serve you right if he asked you to talk to the genie, Mas," my wife continued to tease me.

I kept silent. But because of that, she grew more curious. "Mas, is it true that Mas can hear the whispers of those fish?" she asked, seriously, her eyes staring widely at the gold fish which never stopped opening and then shutting their mouths.

"Why don't you believe your own husband?"

"Why can't you be honest with your own wife?"

"He he he...."

"Hush, don't laugh, you'll startle the fish!" she teased.

"I'm laughing because Si Koky is laughing at our conversation."

"Really."

"Really."

"You're lying."

"Why, don't you believe me?"

"What did Si Koky say?"

"He he he he... it's a secret, isn't it, Kok? It's a secret between Koky and me.... he he he.. you don't know, do you?"

"Krrk...rrrrk...nysssssszt.." ("Your wife looks beautiful when she's upset..")

"Yes, that's right...," I said.

"What's right?" asked my wife again.

"Si Koky told me you look beautiful when you're upset..."

My wife gave a shy smile and kissed my cheek. I knew she liked it when people praised her.

"Krrk..nysssst...nysssssst..blzzzzzzz...glup.. glup... sssszzzzt... glup... glup... ssst... sstttttt... Krrk... nysssst... nyssssssss... blzzzzzzzz.. glup.. glup.. sssszzzzt.. glup... glup...sssszzzztt... glup.. glup... sstttttt.."

"I don't believe you, you're making things up, aren't you Kok? What do you know about her? All you do is swim around in your aquarium which is only 50 cubic centimeters, how could you possibly know anything? You're out of your mind!"

"Krrk... nyssst.."

"Whew, you're good at making things up. What a story-teller you are!"

We both laughed loudly, but I was disturbed by Si Koky's words.

My wife only smiled, she didn't understand or suspect a thing.

My conversations with Si Koky did not end that afternoon. Later in the night, we sat again, chatting, until finally I realized it was difficult to imagine he was only blabbering.

But I could not bring myself to admit it. How could Inez -- oh, Inez was my wife -- possibly do such a thing? How could the sweet girl who took poetry analysis with me turn into that? I still remember when we discussed Goenawan Mohamad's poems, which most people found difficult, she cried out of frustration. And I, like an expert critic, started to analyze word by word, line by line of Goenawan's Kuatrin Poci. "/Sesuatu yang kelak retak/dan kita membikinnya abadi.../" I said in a heart-rending voice. And I was laughing inside, because Inez was so impressed... and her eyes... how mesmerizing! Clear like a pond, and that was when I fell in love with her.

But... maybe what Si Koky told me was true, because Inez's power was in her eyes, and whoever came under her gaze, would fall under her spell, their hearts broken.

I was alone that night. Inez had a meeting with her boss for a few days in Puncak. She said it was the end of the year and there would be a closed meeting of the top executives. As a secretary, she had to attend.

It was very quiet. Realizing my restlessness, Koky the fat goldfish began to talk to me with his usual humor.

"Well? Quiet, isn't it?"

"Maybe," I answered, taking a deep draw on my Dji Sam Soe.

"I'm sure Inez is having fun, joking with.. ha ha ha...."

"It's impossible. I know Inez!"

"But it's very lonely, isn't it? He he he he..."

"Koky, if you continue like this, I'll take you out of the aquarium and you'll be a goner!"

"Do it, if you dare! At the moment you don't have anyone to talk to, who else is near you? Me, fat round Koky! If I die, which I will if you take me out of water, you will be lonely. Slowly, you will commit suicide... and you'll die too! So don't get emotional."

"But, how do you know Inez..."

"If you don't believe me, ask the gold fish in the restaurants along Puncak. Ask the ferns that grow along the area, also the grass, or... their bedroom!"

"Damn you!"

"Okay, get angry with me, better get angry with me than explode inside, better throw it all out now."

I became silent after Koky said these words, calmly.

Not long after I drove to Puncak. I knew where they were meeting. I could only see Inez, and Inez, and Inez and... that man.

I passed the toll gate without paying for the ticket, and the attendant immediately summoned the guards to chase me. I passed the Jagorawi toll road almost without touching the asphalted road. Some motorists shouted insults at me, but I could not hear them clearly.

No more guards chased after me, and I could only feel an incredibly light feeling. The car and my body seemed to float to the meeting place.

Along the road to Inez's place I heard millions of voices in my ears, one after another, like a chorus. The trees along the roads I passed called Inez's name, and, in an orderly manner, sang something that I could not really understand. Si Koky was right, all of them were silent witnesses of what was happening between Inez and that man. But was it really possible?

In a building within the stillness of Puncak, I stopped. A security guard asked me politely. But I was not sure whether or not to answer his questions. I walked, half flying, looking for Inez's room.

It was quite late when I reached the pool. There was a place where people could sit in the dim light. And I saw a couple sitting, exchanging laughter between them.

Suddenly my ears caught a voice which I knew very well: Inez's voice.

"That's the story, it is starting to unnerve me."

"Does he really talk to the fish? You must be kidding." A male voice answered her.

"It's true. He even said the fish told him amazing stories. and also the trees and even the walls of our house..."

"Wow, does your husband own an amulet of Prophet Solomon?"

"Crazy! Sam, I'm serious. Do you know any orang pintar?"

"Do you think I've gone mad?" I shouted. The two, Inez especially, jumped out of their skin with fright.

"Mas! What are you doing here?"

"Do you think I've gone mad? Hah? And you, womanizer, you're taking advantage of her, aren't you?" I barked, grabbing his shirt collar. He tried in vain to loosen my grip. It seemed my hand had become as strong as a gorilla's. Inez cried for help and security guards came running towards us.

I felt my body being pinned down, but no one could hold me still. Several bodies ended up in the pool. A commotion tore apart the still of the night.

I didn't know how long I kicked at them, until a blast wiped out my strength. My body went limp, and I felt my cheeks touch the cold and wet floor.

"Krrk... nysssst.. nyssssssst.. blzzzzzzz... glup... glup... sssszzzzt... glup... glup.. ssst... ssttttt. Krrk... nysssst.. nyssssssstt.. blzzzzzzzz.. glup.. glup.. sssszzzzt.. glup.. glup... ssst.. ssttttt... "

I heard the voices again, millions, maybe billions of them. Buzzing, jostling each other, fighting with each other, saying the same thing and cornering me in a place that did not give me any chance to move.

I felt beaten. I didn't know how, but I felt my body had returned home again.

"What happened to him, In?". That was mother's voice.

"I don't know, Bu," Inez answered, her voice sad. "Sometimes he talks with Si Koky, sometimes with the palm tree, often with the ferns in the plots in the front yard..."

"I once saw Bapak sing songs to the chickenshit." That was my servant, Mbok Rah.

I could only feel a terrible stillness. My heart felt empty. Silently I prayed to God, "Two ears for me are enough, My Lord..."

Then I heard Si Koky cry. Have you ever heard a fish crying?

Translated by Adhi I.M.

Born in Surabaya on Jan. 2, 1960, Yanusa Nugroho is a 1989 graduate of the School of Letters, University of Indonesia. A productive short story writer, he won the 1987 Multatuli Award for short stories. Most of his works have been published in two anthologies: Bulan Bugil Bulat and Cerita di Daun Tal. His short story Dua Telinga Saya, Rasanya Cukup... (My two ears are enough...) first appeared in the Kompas daily on July 3, 1994. It is included in Laki-Laki Yang Kawin Dengan Peri: Cerpen Pilihan Kompas 1995 (The Man Who Married A Fairy: Kompas Selected Short Stories 1995) and is printed here by courtesy of the Kompas daily.

Note: Si = the, placed before names, both humans and animals. Koky = from ikan mas koki, a type of gold fish with round, fat bodies and building eyes King Angling Darmo = a famous character in the Javanese wayang. He can talk to animals and his wife, out of jealousy, commits suicide. Mas = Javanese, address to male Bu = short for ibu, mother, or madam Mbok = Javanese for mother or address for female of the lower class Orang pintar = practitioner of witchcraft