My sympathy for mixed couple

My sympathy for mixed couple

I sympathize with Mr. Gulliver on the problem of racism he is
experiencing as being a foreigner married to an Indonesian.
However, my sympathy goes more to his wife and many other
Indonesian women who happen to be in the same situation. Perhaps
being married to a foreigner is one of the cross cultural burdens
that one should be prepared for, like racism and sexual
discrimination. Especially when you are, for example, in a public
place or a place where people go for entertainment. The situation
here of what seems racism, sexual harassment or even sexual
discrimination actually affects a woman more a man.

There is an Indonesian woman I know who experiences being
stared at or propositioned by some Indonesian guys as if she were
a whore. She thought it could be the way she acted, her attitude
or perhaps the way she dressed which suggested that she was one.
But that was not the case.

One of the problems is that by having had a foreign boyfriend
she finds it difficult to start a relationship with an Indonesia
man. Any guys she dated would stop calling and never see her
again after they found that she used to have a foreign boyfriend.
The fact that she comes from a good family, dresses decently and
has a good job as a lawyer and teacher does not help change what
the Indonesian guys she dated had in mind about her. This may
sound exaggerated, but that is the dilemma that she has to deal
with.

Perhaps the problem lies in what people may call "double
standards," that obviously still exists in Indonesia. Or maybe it
is just indeed an unfortunate situation for Indonesian woman that
there are still some Indonesian men (and women occasionally) who
cannot differentiate a whore from the ones that are not when it
comes to a woman in the company of a foreigner. I wish I could do
more to solve the Indonesian women's dilemma than just expressing
my sympathy.

ULI ARITONANG

Jakarta