My sympathy for mixed couple

I sympathize with Mr. Gulliver on the problem of racism he is experiencing as being a foreigner married to an Indonesian. However, my sympathy goes more to his wife and many other Indonesian women who happen to be in the same situation. Perhaps being married to a foreigner is one of the cross cultural burdens that one should be prepared for, like racism and sexual discrimination. Especially when you are, for example, in a public place or a place where people go for entertainment. The situation here of what seems racism, sexual harassment or even sexual discrimination actually affects a woman more a man.

There is an Indonesian woman I know who experiences being stared at or propositioned by some Indonesian guys as if she were a whore. She thought it could be the way she acted, her attitude or perhaps the way she dressed which suggested that she was one. But that was not the case.

One of the problems is that by having had a foreign boyfriend she finds it difficult to start a relationship with an Indonesia man. Any guys she dated would stop calling and never see her again after they found that she used to have a foreign boyfriend. The fact that she comes from a good family, dresses decently and has a good job as a lawyer and teacher does not help change what the Indonesian guys she dated had in mind about her. This may sound exaggerated, but that is the dilemma that she has to deal with.

Perhaps the problem lies in what people may call "double standards," that obviously still exists in Indonesia. Or maybe it is just indeed an unfortunate situation for Indonesian woman that there are still some Indonesian men (and women occasionally) who cannot differentiate a whore from the ones that are not when it comes to a woman in the company of a foreigner. I wish I could do more to solve the Indonesian women's dilemma than just expressing my sympathy.

ULI ARITONANG

Jakarta