Mothers and babysitters have love-hate relationship

By Yenni Kwok

JAKARTA (JP): To have or to not to have babysitters, that is the question for many mothers from the middle- to upper-classes who work outside the home.

Take the 37-year-old Shirley Kakiailatu for example. When her first child was born, neither she nor her husband could afford to quit their jobs to stay home with the baby. Because their relatives live far away, they had nobody to turn to. The only feasible daytime child-care solution was a babysitter.

"She used to work for my friend, who gave her good recommendations," Shirley said about the babysitter. "I am lucky to have such a good, trusted babysitter."

The babysitter ended up working for Shirley for 4 years, until last year.

Citzke Tendean was not so lucky. She got her babysitters from private foundations. Since her child was born 14 months ago, Citzke has changed babysitters three times. The first one quit because she wanted to get married and the second one complained Citzke's then three-month-old baby daughter, who weighed eight kilograms, was too heavy for her.

Tendean then settled with a third one. Although the babysitter doesn't seem to like children much, Tendean is content that she is a careful person.

"It is difficult for career women to avoid having babysitters," said the 28-year-old worker. She plans to have a babysitter until her daughter is two years old.

Rini Munajat, however, chose to quit her job rather than leave her child in the hands of a babysitter. She employed a babysitter for her first child, but sacked the woman after two weeks when she discovered the babysitter was washing the baby's drinking bottles with handwashing detergent.

She has never used a babysitter since.

"She also tried to monopolize my son," said Rini, who is expecting her second child. "When I tried to give him milk, she asked me to let her do it."

Love-hate

Indeed, mothers and babysitters often have a love-hate relationship.

Shirley suggests mutual trust between mothers and babysitters is an essential ingredient in order to strike a sensible balance.

However, like other mothers, she has to make sure that her son does not become too attached to the babysitter.

Separate sleeping arrangements seems to be the key. Shirley's baby sleeps in her bedroom, and she never lets him sleep with the babysitter. "A mother's bond with her son is important. If he gets too close to the babysitter I could easily become jealous."

Citzke agrees. After she gets home from work, she takes over the responsibilities from the babysitter.

Rini advises parents not to trust their babysitters completely. "No matter how good she is, she has no blood relationship with your children," she said.

Her skeptical attitude is shared by some of her friends. One friend's child fell and hit his head on the floor. His mother heard the child crying and asked the babysitter what had happened. The carer said that he had only bumped into a pole. A few months later a doctor found a serious injury on the child's head.

There are other ugly stories about babysitters. Last year Femina magazine featured an article on a couple of babysitters who rented out their charges to beggars. Although the writer said she did not mean to deter people from using babysitters, the article made many people think twice about using them.

S. T. Basrie, owner of the Bhakti Mitra Ibu Foundation, said people should not be chilled by the horror stories. "People have to be critical. How many babysitters would do anything like that? A very tiny number."

Most people get babysitters from agencies. They usually need to state whether they want an experienced or a newly trained babysitter. Tje salary usually varies on the experience.

Unexperienced ones earn between Rp 150,000 (US$62) and Rp 175,000 per month while those with four or five years experience can demand a monthly salary of around Rp 300,000.

Many foundations also ask employers to provide nurselike white uniforms although Basrie dismisses this rule. "Babysitters are not medical professionals. The only logic behind wearing white clothes is the ease to see dirty marks. So, as long as they wear clean clothes, they are all right."

Training

True, babysitters are not medical professionals, but they also need to be trained how to handle babies. Most applicants for babysitter positions are young women who rarely have more than a senior high school education, according to Basrie and Ibu Wari of Dharma Asih Foundation.

Because they have no experience in handling children, the foundations usually provide some training.

Dharma Asih Foundation, for example, hires midwives to give a month's training on bathing, feeding and holding a baby. This is usually sufficient time to gauge whether someone is capable of looking after a baby, Ibu Wari said.

Anyone not up to the required standard is asked to leave, she said.

Bhakti Mitra Ibu also has a training program but it is adjusted to the trainees' education level. A senior high school graduate will be taught for 20 days while courses for junior high school graduates last 25 days. Elementary school graduates are trained for a month but only those over 20 are accepted.

Basrie said the training includes caring for babies and toddlers from morning until evening, spotting common diseases and giving a bath; the lessons are usually given by nurses. There are also lessons on ethics, given by his daughter who once worked as a flight attendant.

"A babysitter has to have a sense of motherhood," said Basrie. It can be a challenge for young women because most of them are still single. If he thinks anybody is not up to it, he will ask her to be a maid instead.

Babysitters are different from housemaids. In most cases, they are only responsible for babies and are not expected to do general household chores, such as cleaning.

Ibu Wari sees it as a consequence of a booming economy, where more and more women are working. "I suppose you can have a maid to do a babysitter's job. But, a maid may not have the necessary skills. Perhaps she is not as clean as a babysitter, especially if she cleans the house and mops the floors," she said.

Some women, however, still prefer to take complete care of their children. Rini said at least then she knows what her son is up to. "Money does not matter compared with our children. We can buy wealth, but where can we buy a child?"