Mothers and babysitters have love-hate relationship

Mothers and babysitters have love-hate relationship

By Yenni Kwok

JAKARTA (JP): To have or to not to have babysitters, that is
the question for many mothers from the middle- to upper-classes
who work outside the home.

Take the 37-year-old Shirley Kakiailatu for example. When her
first child was born, neither she nor her husband could afford to
quit their jobs to stay home with the baby. Because their
relatives live far away, they had nobody to turn to. The only
feasible daytime child-care solution was a babysitter.

"She used to work for my friend, who gave her good
recommendations," Shirley said about the babysitter. "I am lucky
to have such a good, trusted babysitter."

The babysitter ended up working for Shirley for 4 years, until
last year.

Citzke Tendean was not so lucky. She got her babysitters from
private foundations. Since her child was born 14 months ago,
Citzke has changed babysitters three times. The first one quit
because she wanted to get married and the second one complained
Citzke's then three-month-old baby daughter, who weighed eight
kilograms, was too heavy for her.

Tendean then settled with a third one. Although the babysitter
doesn't seem to like children much, Tendean is content that she
is a careful person.

"It is difficult for career women to avoid having
babysitters," said the 28-year-old worker. She plans to have a
babysitter until her daughter is two years old.

Rini Munajat, however, chose to quit her job rather than leave
her child in the hands of a babysitter. She employed a babysitter
for her first child, but sacked the woman after two weeks when
she discovered the babysitter was washing the baby's drinking
bottles with handwashing detergent.

She has never used a babysitter since.

"She also tried to monopolize my son," said Rini, who is
expecting her second child. "When I tried to give him milk, she
asked me to let her do it."

Love-hate

Indeed, mothers and babysitters often have a love-hate
relationship.

Shirley suggests mutual trust between mothers and babysitters
is an essential ingredient in order to strike a sensible balance.

However, like other mothers, she has to make sure that her son
does not become too attached to the babysitter.

Separate sleeping arrangements seems to be the key. Shirley's
baby sleeps in her bedroom, and she never lets him sleep with the
babysitter. "A mother's bond with her son is important. If he
gets too close to the babysitter I could easily become jealous."

Citzke agrees. After she gets home from work, she takes over
the responsibilities from the babysitter.

Rini advises parents not to trust their babysitters
completely. "No matter how good she is, she has no blood
relationship with your children," she said.

Her skeptical attitude is shared by some of her friends. One
friend's child fell and hit his head on the floor. His mother
heard the child crying and asked the babysitter what had
happened. The carer said that he had only bumped into a pole. A
few months later a doctor found a serious injury on the child's
head.

There are other ugly stories about babysitters. Last year
Femina magazine featured an article on a couple of babysitters
who rented out their charges to beggars. Although the writer said
she did not mean to deter people from using babysitters, the
article made many people think twice about using them.

S. T. Basrie, owner of the Bhakti Mitra Ibu Foundation, said
people should not be chilled by the horror stories. "People have
to be critical. How many babysitters would do anything like that?
A very tiny number."

Most people get babysitters from agencies. They usually need
to state whether they want an experienced or a newly trained
babysitter. Tje salary usually varies on the experience.

Unexperienced ones earn between Rp 150,000 (US$62) and Rp
175,000 per month while those with four or five years experience
can demand a monthly salary of around Rp 300,000.

Many foundations also ask employers to provide nurselike
white uniforms although Basrie dismisses this rule. "Babysitters
are not medical professionals. The only logic behind wearing
white clothes is the ease to see dirty marks. So, as long as they
wear clean clothes, they are all right."

Training

True, babysitters are not medical professionals, but they also
need to be trained how to handle babies. Most applicants for
babysitter positions are young women who rarely have more than a
senior high school education, according to Basrie and Ibu Wari of
Dharma Asih Foundation.

Because they have no experience in handling children, the
foundations usually provide some training.

Dharma Asih Foundation, for example, hires midwives to give a
month's training on bathing, feeding and holding a baby. This is
usually sufficient time to gauge whether someone is capable of
looking after a baby, Ibu Wari said.

Anyone not up to the required standard is asked to leave, she
said.

Bhakti Mitra Ibu also has a training program but it is
adjusted to the trainees' education level. A senior high school
graduate will be taught for 20 days while courses for junior high
school graduates last 25 days. Elementary school graduates are
trained for a month but only those over 20 are accepted.

Basrie said the training includes caring for babies and
toddlers from morning until evening, spotting common diseases and
giving a bath; the lessons are usually given by nurses. There are
also lessons on ethics, given by his daughter who once worked as
a flight attendant.

"A babysitter has to have a sense of motherhood," said Basrie.
It can be a challenge for young women because most of them are
still single. If he thinks anybody is not up to it, he will ask
her to be a maid instead.

Babysitters are different from housemaids. In most cases, they
are only responsible for babies and are not expected to do
general household chores, such as cleaning.

Ibu Wari sees it as a consequence of a booming economy, where
more and more women are working. "I suppose you can have a maid
to do a babysitter's job. But, a maid may not have the necessary
skills. Perhaps she is not as clean as a babysitter, especially
if she cleans the house and mops the floors," she said.

Some women, however, still prefer to take complete care of
their children. Rini said at least then she knows what her son is
up to. "Money does not matter compared with our children. We can
buy wealth, but where can we buy a child?"