More advice

More advice

I didn't know exactly how to react when I saw my name in the
article in the By The Way column of The Jakarta Post on Aug. 6,
1995. It was first an unpleasant surprise to be confronted in an
imaginary "boxing contest" with Farid Baskoro. Such an
illustration is taboo for Indonesians, especially for the
Javanese. Considering that I am an elderly man of almost 70
years, it is an insulting joke against elderly people. This is
also a kind of hooliganism, in another form and other manner.

However, after finishing the entire article I realized that
the idea isn't as bad as I first thought. The contributor
suggests the Post organize a discussion or debate among letter
writers to Your Letter Column. This column has become a most
amusing section of the paper. Such a proposed forum could be a
talk show on TV or a radio broadcast. A discussion or debate on
current issues in Indonesia and abroad; on the latest polemics in
Your Letters, on harassment of certain mixed couples, other
bitter experiences of expatriates, etc. It must however avoid
politics.

Since the initiative comes from the Post, the discussion
should be done in English. It will not be easy for us
Indonesians, who lack in English conversation experience. But it
may be considered as a refreshing course for our English. Who
knows, such a forum may serve later as a center of information
for the public and expatriates as well.

Let me now explain my feelings about the case experienced by
the couple Gulliver. Mr. Gulliver claims that when walking with
his Indonesian partner (wife?), offending words are shouted by
irresponsible people. Gulliver's partner was so upset when these
people made lascivious guesses as to her profession and required
details of her tariffs on an hourly rate. Gulliver asked us: "How
should one respond, when someone calls your wife an albino
whore?" I fully sympathize with Gulliver and his partner, but
what advice can be given?

Life itself is a struggle for everyone and everywhere, without
exception and regardless of race, skin color or belief.
Especially for foreigners in a foreign country. Adjusting to the
local situation is a must. The sooner the better.

My advice is to know your environment, including your
neighbors. Smile at those who stare with curiosity or are hostile
to you and your partner. Say "hello", which often creates
friendship. These small things seem simple, but they work in many
cases.

Being an old man I have also had many, many bitter experiences
during my life, besides of course the good and sweet ones. You
may learn a good lesson from all your experiences, both the bad
and the good ones to gain wisdom. If we believe in the
almightiness of Our Lord, then we can accept the burden that we
have to bear in our life.

When encountering bad treatment from irresponsible people, we
usually react or respond harshly, which can lead to further
conflict. It is not simple to avoid this, it requires patience
and self control. Ajanta Sarkar gave good advice: "we should try
to overlook one or two solitary instances of racism (if anything
of this ever exists) and treat it in a different way." I fully
agree with Ajanta Sarkar's opinion, that most of our fellow
expatriates have always admired the Indonesians for their
immeasurable patience, accepting nature and self control. I
agree, not because I am an Indonesian myself, but because it is
so.

Chandramouli also gave good advice, especially in the Gulliver
case. Being a foreigner in any part of the world, one has to
adjust and adopt to the local customs and cultural values of the
country. Love your surroundings, love your neighbors and they
will love you too. Smile and the world will smile with you.

ALOYSIUS HARYONO

Jakarta