More advice
I didn't know exactly how to react when I saw my name in the article in the By The Way column of The Jakarta Post on Aug. 6, 1995. It was first an unpleasant surprise to be confronted in an imaginary "boxing contest" with Farid Baskoro. Such an illustration is taboo for Indonesians, especially for the Javanese. Considering that I am an elderly man of almost 70 years, it is an insulting joke against elderly people. This is also a kind of hooliganism, in another form and other manner.
However, after finishing the entire article I realized that the idea isn't as bad as I first thought. The contributor suggests the Post organize a discussion or debate among letter writers to Your Letter Column. This column has become a most amusing section of the paper. Such a proposed forum could be a talk show on TV or a radio broadcast. A discussion or debate on current issues in Indonesia and abroad; on the latest polemics in Your Letters, on harassment of certain mixed couples, other bitter experiences of expatriates, etc. It must however avoid politics.
Since the initiative comes from the Post, the discussion should be done in English. It will not be easy for us Indonesians, who lack in English conversation experience. But it may be considered as a refreshing course for our English. Who knows, such a forum may serve later as a center of information for the public and expatriates as well.
Let me now explain my feelings about the case experienced by the couple Gulliver. Mr. Gulliver claims that when walking with his Indonesian partner (wife?), offending words are shouted by irresponsible people. Gulliver's partner was so upset when these people made lascivious guesses as to her profession and required details of her tariffs on an hourly rate. Gulliver asked us: "How should one respond, when someone calls your wife an albino whore?" I fully sympathize with Gulliver and his partner, but what advice can be given?
Life itself is a struggle for everyone and everywhere, without exception and regardless of race, skin color or belief. Especially for foreigners in a foreign country. Adjusting to the local situation is a must. The sooner the better.
My advice is to know your environment, including your neighbors. Smile at those who stare with curiosity or are hostile to you and your partner. Say "hello", which often creates friendship. These small things seem simple, but they work in many cases.
Being an old man I have also had many, many bitter experiences during my life, besides of course the good and sweet ones. You may learn a good lesson from all your experiences, both the bad and the good ones to gain wisdom. If we believe in the almightiness of Our Lord, then we can accept the burden that we have to bear in our life.
When encountering bad treatment from irresponsible people, we usually react or respond harshly, which can lead to further conflict. It is not simple to avoid this, it requires patience and self control. Ajanta Sarkar gave good advice: "we should try to overlook one or two solitary instances of racism (if anything of this ever exists) and treat it in a different way." I fully agree with Ajanta Sarkar's opinion, that most of our fellow expatriates have always admired the Indonesians for their immeasurable patience, accepting nature and self control. I agree, not because I am an Indonesian myself, but because it is so.
Chandramouli also gave good advice, especially in the Gulliver case. Being a foreigner in any part of the world, one has to adjust and adopt to the local customs and cultural values of the country. Love your surroundings, love your neighbors and they will love you too. Smile and the world will smile with you.
ALOYSIUS HARYONO
Jakarta