Men from Mars, no one knows where women come from

By E. Effendi

JAKARTA (JP): When you think that women have serious problems talking with men, you should hear what a man has to say when asked about his problem communicating with women.

First, we have to understand that men and women have different thought processes. If women had the same way of thinking as men, there would be no such thing as Diet Coke, or sun block, or recovering the furniture.

That is why they have different ways of communicating with one another.

Basically, all men complain that when they're talking with women, their problem comes from one source, that is, that women are allowed to talk.

* Women talk

There will be less communication problems if men are the ones who do all the talking and women just answer "yes". There will be some objections about these one-way conversations, but it will create fewer problems than letting women speak their minds.

I am not saying that men do not like women to talk, in fact, a man loves it when his woman talks. You can easily find, for example, this kind of conversation in every family's bedroom, "So, honey, yesterday Patty said back to Tony that she..." "Honey, put that sport section down for a minute," "...that she wanted to find some..." "Honey, c'mon, put it down... "to find some space for her own and that," "HEY! I TOLD YOU TO PUT IT DOWN!"

That is what you find in most husband-wife conversations, because women talk all the time, even when their men are trying to concentrate on something else, or when they are having their spiritual time, such as drinking beer or scratching themselves.

Moreover, when women talk, they comment about everything, and this is the real problem; they force their men to listen to every single one of them. Men are obligated to receive such abuse to their ears every day, especially concerning their clothing. As far as women are concerned, men have the same taste of fashion as a camel (which unfortunately is true), and it's a woman's responsibility to criticize it every single minute, sometimes in front of your office colleagues.

* Women do not say what they really mean

An important lesson that I have learned from years of being scolded by my girlfriend is that what comes from her mouth is sometimes different from what's in her heart, which sometimes is different from what's on their mind, which is sometimes different from what they actually mean.

Some men also say things that are different from what they mean, but they usually do it on purpose, like Bill Clinton for example.

My girlfriend once said that it was OK if I did not want to go with her and her lady friends to shopping malls. Of course I felt relieved by that, because I would not be drug by my girlfriend for three hours around the mall like a tin can tied to a newlywed's car.

Unfortunately, that was not what she had in mind. "You do not want to spend your time with me," she said. "It doesn't matter what I said. You should have insisted you wanted to go with me," she added. I ended up spending the whole evening apologizing for doing exactly what she told me to.

* "Do I look fat in this dress?"

This is the kind of communication that has haunted men for centuries and men haven't learned yet how to respond to that question. The problem is that a woman asks that kind of question when she feels a little bit insecure (which, unfortunately, happens all the time) and no matter how her man answers, she will get mad at him.

Women, when they ask that question, expect that their men will answer not only with words, but also with body movement. They want to make sure that their men really mean what they say. That is why they expect men to answer with the excitement and the tone of voice that he often uses when he shouts, "That ball is out!"

And let me tell you this, when you guys hear that question from your wife, you only have one millisecond to determine whether or not you want her to continue making your dinner for the rest of your life.

In fact, you have to build some kind of reflex to respond to that kind of question right away, without thinking.

"Do I look fat in this dress?" "No!"

"Will you call me?" "Yes!"

"Is my co-worker cute?" "He's gay!"

* Women take too much time on makeup

Which has nothing to do with communication, but men are always compelled to complain about it.

Those are some of the things that men always complain about communicating with the other sex.

However, those problems never arise within the same gender. A woman is never confused when talking with another woman. They can spend days talking about every single event they have experienced or heard, analyzing the meaning of everything (mostly about what an idiot they're having a relationship with), and sharing their feelings with each other.

The same thing also happens to guys. A guy can simply walk into any bar and say,"I think France will be the world cup champion this year!" Within seconds there will be a long guys discussion about soccer, its players, and sex (they always discuss sex), which usually ends up in a fight.

Those complaints only happen in when they are talking with the other gender. However, that should not prevent both of them from communicating with each other. They have to keep their relationship and make this world a more harmonious place. Therefore, we should open ourselves to our differences and learn to accept them before we start communicating. And do not forget, take some anesthetic first.