May God bless women!

May God bless women!

Solita Sarwono, Psychologist, Gender Specialist, Wasenaar,
The Netherlands

On March 8 the world focuses its attention on women: the poor,
rich, illiterate, highly educated, housewives, the jobless,
career women, traditional, modern, young, old, married and
single. In short: all women from diverse cultural, social,
economic and religious backgrounds.

They all share something in common, their role as care givers.
For thousands of years this care giving has always been the main
role women are expected to play and to master well.

Even queens and other wealthy women waited upon by domestic
servants are still given the responsibility of taking care of
their husbands, caring for and educating their children, and
taking care of the elderly.

They must ensure that their servants do their jobs correctly.
No woman can escape this duty, even if she is single or
childless, or living in a modern Western society. How women
perform this duty is very much affected by the social, cultural
and religious milieu in which they live.

In traditional Tunisian communities, young girls learn from
their families to accept getting married, being a good wife and
giving birth to boys as their most important goals. Failing to
present a son may lead to divorce, which is very shameful and an
excuse for the husband to remarry. Tunisian men who work in
cottage carpet industries leave their families for 11 months a
year to sell their wares. Women look forward to the day when they
come home, when they can show their love and care, and the rugs
they have produced over the course of the year.

The husband will assess the results of his wife's work in
caring for the children, his parents who live in the marital
home, the household and the rugs produced. If the husband is not
happy, the one month stay will turn into a time of fighting and
screaming, and the man may soon leave again.

Sometimes religious expectations also affect the form of care
given by women. Women married to members of the Hezbollah group
in the Middle East do not worry about losing their husbands or
sons in battle or to a bomb blast. They reportedly pray to be
blessed with many sons who can be educated and trained as strong
fighters -- though young women now also participate in military
training and prepare themselves to perpetrate suicide bombings.

The preference for boys is also very strong among the Chinese
and the people of India. Some 30 million baby girls in China and
23 million in India "disappear" each year, through abortion or
"mercy killing". Despite the preference for males, females are
still needed for procreation and for family care -- so girls are
"imported" from other villages, cities and even from other
countries to serve as brides when the supply of young women runs
low.

In Indonesia, the variety of cultures and gaps in education,
employment and wealth color the expectations of women. While the
elite strive for a quota for women in the legislature, the
peasant wife struggles day and night to put food on the table for
everyone (sometimes skipping meals herself). Working women who
can afford a maid delegate their caring duties to her, blaming
her when something goes wrong but rarely praising her when things
are done right.

Women from low-income families have a much greater burden of
responsibilities and duties to perform, leaving them little time
to rest. Most women accept family care as their main role.
Unmarried women living with parents or siblings will take care of
the parents or nephews and nieces.

In industrial Europe and North America, women have a higher
level of education, higher employment rate, fewer children --
many even prefer to remain childless or stay single -- and the
divorce rate is high. Women live with their spouses and young
children only, separated from the parents and grandparents.
Without domestic help, women (and men, too) have to do the
household chores in addition to pursuing their careers.

Despite emancipation, women still bear a greater
responsibility for family care compared to men. With an rapidly
aging population in the Netherlands (13 percent of the population
are 65 or older), and with an average of only 1.6 births per
woman, the woman's task is shifting from caring for children to
caring for the elderly.

Most elderly people who can no longer live independently move
into retirement homes, or remain in their own homes where they
must be taken care of by a nurse. However, the massive demand for
such nurses has led to a need for unpaid volunteers, mostly women
on moderate incomes with children of their own. Their
contribution to the care services is calculated as reaching 1.3
billion euro, and the Dutch government is planning to provide
financial rewards for these voluntary care givers.

Women all over the world play a crucial role in maintaining
life through the provision of family care. Some are appreciated
and rewarded for their work, while others are neglected or taken
for granted. Let us spend some time to think about all the love
and care we have received from our mothers, wives, daughters,
daughters-in-law and even our maids, and show some heartfelt
appreciation to them.