Mawar's Eyes

Mawar's Eyes

By Maria Magdalena Bhoernomo

Mawar was sitting on the veranda with her face tilted slightly
upwards into the cool of the morning. She had just turned six.
Her mom and dad said it was time for her to go to elementary
school.

Mawar suddenly smiled as the image of a crowded elementary
school flashed into her mind. She remembered all the times she
heard excited children gaily laughing and joking with one another
before school began and during the breaks.

She was familiar with the noisy atmosphere of school though
she was blind. From the time she was three years old, her Mom had
introduced her to school life. Almost every day Mom had asked
Mawar to accompany her when taking her brother, Eko, a third
grader, to school.

"Are you brave enough to go to school now, Mawar?" Dad asked
before leaving for the office, gazing at her with a deep sense of
concern. Dad now seemed to have given up hope of finding a cure
for her blindness. He had tried almost every conceivable way,
both medical and supernatural, to restore her sight. He had been
to countless ophthalmologists, as well as numerous psychics and
shamans, who recommended various weird treatments, but Mawar
remained as blind as ever. People said that blindness from birth
is incurable. Mawar might simply have been destined to be blind.

Mom appeared from the dining room, smiling and carrying a
glass of chocolate milk. "Mawar, you forgot your drink after
breakfast, didn't you, honey?"

Mawar smiled, her hand groping for the glass. She immediately
held up the glass, then guzzled down the sweet milk. Seeing Mawar
thoroughly enjoying her favorite drink, Dad smiled, teasing: "My
goodness, if you keep drinking so much milk, you'll surely become
a little fatty and your body will blow up like a big barrel."

Mawar and Mom burst out laughing.

"And when your body's like a barrel, you'll roll round and
round when you fall down, darling," her father said jokingly.

Mawar giggled. Dad kissed her forehead before getting into his
car.

"You should also bring your chocolate milk along when you go
to school like your brother always does," Mom said.

Mom, however, knew in her heart of hearts that her blind
daughter would never be an elementary school pupil. But as a
mother she needed to console the child, who was so eager to go to
school.

Again, Mawar flashed a broad smile.

***

Mawar was really excited when one morning Mom asked her come
along to be registered as a new student in the neighborhood
school.

"I'm terribly sorry, Ma'am. We have never had a blind student.
We can't make a decision on whether your daughter can be accepted
as a student here. All depends on the school principal. But, I
can register your daughter as a student here for the time being!"
the teacher in charge of registration stated.

Mawar became gloomy, causing Mom to console her at once.

"You'll be accepted here, Mawar!"

Mawar did not utter a word. At home she sat on the veranda,
saying nothing all afternoon.

"Hi, Mawar! You've registered yourself as a new student at the
school, haven't you?" Dad asked as soon as he stepped into the
house from the office.

Mawar remained quiet, her face gloomy.

"Eh, why are you so quiet, honey? Have you lost your tongue?"
Dad teased her, kissing her on the forehead.

Suddenly Mawar burst into tears. "I may never be able to go to
school, Dad!"

"Who says that you can't go to school, Mawar?" Dad asked,
disappointed.

Mawar sobbed uncontrollably.

Dad took a deep breath, thinking: "It's time now to tell her
that she can never become an elementary school student. She'll
only be able to go to a special school, not to one for physically
healthy children." He then advised her to be prepared to study at
a special school for the blind.

"I don't want to go to a school that's far away," Mawar cried
out between her sobs.

"The special school for children like you is very far from
here, darling, I admit. But you don't have to worry. I'll take
you there," Dad assured her.

Mom suddenly came out of the house: It's okay, please don't
cry. If you don't want to go to a distant school, you can always
stay at home. I can teach you how to read and write.

Mawar wiped away her tears.

Eyes also moist, dad went quickly into the house. He couldn't
bear to see his radiant daughter suffer. Like her mother, Mawar
was truly beautiful. Dad threw himself onto the bed, sobbing. He
was overwhelmed with the feelings of regret that had been
haunting him for so long in his life. The regrets of an
unfaithful husband who had contracted VD after having sex with a
whore in a hotel when his wife was away in another town
conducting research. Sobbing, he recalled the night he spent in
the hotel.

"Don't have sexual intercourse with your wife until you are
fully recovered," warned the doctor.

Dad was not a sort of man who could contain his lust.
Oblivious to the consequences, he made love to his wife before he
had completely recovered, and got her pregnant again.

After learning that mom was pregnant, he had started getting
worried as a few days earlier he had attended a seminar on
sexually transmitted diseases in which a speaker said:" When a
man suffering from a venereal disease has sexual intercourse with
a woman and makes her pregnant, there is be a high probability
that the child will be born blind.

Weeping and cursing himself, Dad ran his hands through his
hair, lamenting the foolishness that had caused Mawar's
blindness.

"What a damned fool I am! What a damned fool I am!" he cried
repeatedly.

***

Mom was actually aware of what had probably caused Mawar's
blindness, but knowing that he had atoned for his sins, she did
not want to condemn Dad for what he had done as he had changed
after realizing his mistake.

Late at night, Mom heard Dad crying.

"You don't have to regret the past. What's important now is
that you have made up for what you did. Perhaps Mawar was
destined to be blind, anyway. If she were not blind, maybe you
would have caught an even deadlier disease by now."

"I'm terribly sorry and I deserve to be cursed!"

"It's okay. You'd better bring yourself closer to God, ask Him
for forgiveness and pray to Him to grant us patience in bringing
Mawar up," Mom advised him.

Dad sobbed uncontrollably, cursing himself again and again.

***

Despite Mom and Dad's repeated encouragement, Mawar refused to
go to a special school for the blind.

"If I can't go to regular elementary school, I'll stay at
home," Mawar asserted firmly.

Neither Mom nor Dad could do anything to make her change her
mind. Then, as Mom had once promised, she tried to learn Braille
so as to be able to teach Mawar. It was no easy job for Mom to
teach her blind child.

"You should learn Braille first," Dad suggested after asking
Mom how Mawar was getting along with her lessons.

After a futile six-month effort to learn Braille, Mom finally
gave up.

"My Goodness, it's not easy to master the system," Mom
complained.

"I think it would be best for us to get a special teacher for
her," Dad suggested.

Mom was happy although it meant even more outlay.

Six weeks passed, and Dad had still not found a special
teacher.

"Why don't you try to learn Braille yourself," Mom suggested.

Dad took her advice. In his study at midnight, however, he
suddenly thought about Mawar's unhappy future. He then cursed
himself again. He imagined that her future would be bleak and her
world dark without a ray of light anywhere.

Unconsciously, he grabbed a pair of sharp scissors which he
always used to open envelops and thrust them into his eyes. And
with the scissors he gouged his right eye out, blood streaming
down his right cheek, and with great pain he then gouged out the
other, fresh blood spurting from under his left eyelid.

Dad screaming in pain, Mom rushing in crying hysterically.
"Daddy, Daddy!"

Translated by Faldy Rasyidie