Marriage involves much more than timing

Marriage involves much more than timing

By E. Effendi

JAKARTA (JP): When you become a grown-up man, you realize that
you have to worry about different things from those when you were
younger. For instance, instead of worrying about whether your
parents will let you come home late, you are now worrying about
moving out from their home. Instead of worrying about your zip
problem, you are worrying about unnecessary hairs that have
started growing from every hole in your body. And of course,
instead of worrying about whom to take to the prom night dance,
you are worrying about why all the people that you went to
elementary school with are getting married right now.

I started to worry about that last month, when I noticed that
I was receiving more wedding invitations than ever before,
including the one from my old classmate, Billy, who once had a
hard time zipping his pants without getting something stuck in
the middle, let alone finding himself a wife.

It made me think about what made them need to get married. And
from whom I should borrow money to give these people wedding
gifts because I have spent all of my money buying gifts for the
previous month's wedding parties.

That question brought me to a friend who was once a marriage
counselor. He explained to me that what is driving people to get
married this year is what they think is the best reason of all.
Needless to say, it is not love.

I am not saying that the people who are getting married are
not in love. No, what I mean is, there is another reason for them
to get married now, and that is, ready for this: the Golden
Dragon.

People, especially ethnic Chinese, believe that the year 2000
is blessed with good fortune, because the year 2000 is influenced
by the dragon sign. And it is not just the ordinary dragon, it is
the golden dragon, the best sign ever, or like the Chinese say
"Kim Liong is the hokilungcingziangtaishiu". Or something like
that.

They believe that there are 12 signs that influence everyone's
life. They are symbolized by different kind of animals, including
rat, rooster, pig, and Lassie. Each sign is categorized into five
different elements. For instance, there are five kinds of pig
sign: the golden pig, the water pig, the fire pig, the lawyer pig
and the consultant pig. No, the last two of those pigs are the
land pig and the wood pig. From those 12 animals, the dragon is
the greatest sign, and out of all the dragon signs, the golden
dragon is the best. It is like the luckiest and the coolest sign
of all. It is like the one that can beat the crap out of other
signs; like the one that can have sex with other animals and get
away with it. It is like Bill Clinton, even better in fact,
because it does not have a Ken Starr dragon or Kena Stalla
Liongwaichowphizia.

Anyway, it's not just the ethnic Chinese who believe that this
year is blessed with a good fortune and that everyone who is
married or born at this year will have a happy and prosperous
life, but people from other ethnic groups too. That is why people
are hurrying to find themselves a mate.

Contrary to guys, women are very sensitive about the whole
marriage thing. They think of it as a sacred moment that will
affect their lives forever. Sometimes they even think of it as
the goal of their life. That is why some women think that they
have to get married very soon, especially when they see or hear
of other women their age, or even younger, getting married.

On the other hand, guys have their own concept about marriage,
which can be summarized in one simple word: "What?" Don't get me
wrong, I'm not trying to imply that men do not want to get
married, since they are the ones who usually pop the question,
usually after five cans of beer ("Will you, hik, marry
me? ...Burp"). It is just that most of them don't realize what
the whole process really means.

Most guys just think of marriage as the next step that they
have to take in their life, after getting a job and becoming a
rock star. They do not understand that it involves (guys, do not
scream when you read this) commitment.

A guy's approach toward commitment and relationships is like
his approach to algebra. He knows that it is there, but he never
understand what it is, he doesn't even have the slightest idea. A
guy thinks, "Well, for three years I and Emily have had this ...
this ... umm, something." And he will have this thought until
someone, usually a woman, suggests that he and Emily get married,
which usually leaves the guy stunned for three days.

Even after a guy agrees to get married, he does not fully
share a woman's concept of what a relationship is. He is aware,
in his tiny mind, that something large is going on, but he can
not really comprehend what it is and what his obligation is in
it. But when he is facing a major event in his married life, like
having a baby or a divorce, his mind will form a definite
thought, which truly reflects his many years as a married man:
"What?"

That's why we rarely see a groom cry at a wedding, whereas his
bride uses the whole city's supply of tissues. What the bride is
thinking throughout the entire wedding ceremony is, "This is it,
this is the moment when I start sharing my heart and soul with
this man. Look at him, very serious and committed. Oh, where's my
tissue?"

While the groom is thinking, "Which is it?" The firm "I DO!"
or the low and confident "I ... do!" or the cool "I do ... do ...
do ... do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. Let's sing it
everybody!".

But all of these things don't stop a guy from getting married,
because he doesn't want everybody to think that he is afraid of
commitment. No, he doesn't want that. You can call him ignorant,
smelly, bully, brainless or even pig; but never call him a
coward. That is another reason for the rising number of
marriages: guys are trying to prove themselves.

It's these reasons, then, which make people receive too many
wedding invitations; In fact, I have four of them just for this
weekend. My point is that although it is very nice to see so many
young couples joined together in holy matrimony, all the husband-
and-wife wanna-bes should understand that marriage involves much
more than just timing. It also involves many wedding gifts, which
I have to find a way to finance right now.