Lonely junkie kicks bad habit to become peer counselor

JAKARTA (JP): His life was almost destroyed by drugs. A drug addict, he dropped out school, left his job and lost his girlfriend. But he did not give up, thanks to his family's support. And now, not only has been able to kick the bad habit, he actively campaigns to fight drug use and is ready to lend a hand to those who need help.

"I know how it feels to become an addict and I want to help," said Risa.

Risa, 22, is one of the few Indonesian drug addicts who has dedicated the rest of his life to helping others recover from the addiction that he has successfully beaten. He is a volunteer and peer counselor at Wisma Arjuna, a recovery center run by Yayasan Permata Hati Kita in Bogor, West Java. The center was set up by David and Joyce Jaelani Gordon, both HIV/AIDS and addiction consultants.

Risa feels lucky to have understanding parents who gave him love and care and fully supported his recovery.

Below is an excerpt of an interview with The Jakarta Post.

Question: How did you become a drug addict?

Answer: My parents were quite firm. When I was in high school, I had to tell them wherever I went. I did not want to become anak mami (Mommy's boy). I wanted to study abroad to taste my freedom. My parents agreed. So I went to the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. I was in Australia from 1995 to 1998.

I was astounded by the freedom. I met friends who used drugs. I started to use ganja (marijuana) again (like when I was in high school). And then I used cocaine, putauw (low-grade heroin), heroine, ecstasy... I used all kinds of drugs. At the beginning they gave me the drugs for free and I used it at weekends. But then I used it more often and I had to buy it. First, we bought one gram and used it together with my friends. But then I used it all for myself.

My mother sent me A$2,000 a month and it was not enough. I also worked as a computer lab assistant. But I needed more and more money. I began to tell lies. I told my mother I needed more money to buy text books... I said I had just hit a car and had to pay compensation.

Q: How did you feel?

A: I felt lonely. I became a loner. I did not care about socializing. I got out only to work and to buy drugs. I spent the rest of my time by myself in my room using the drugs.

My friends started to leave me because we could not communicate. We were in a different world.

In my first year at college, my studies were still okay. But later I was reluctant to attend classes. In one semester I only took one class. I went to campus mostly to work so that I could get money to buy drugs. Still, it was not enough. I borrowed money from my friends. I went to the casino. I stole my friends' money. It happened like that for about two years.

Q: How much did the drugs cost?

A: Here, it (heroine) was Rp 50,000 and Rp 75,000 per 0.25 grams (before the crisis). Now it is about Rp 400,000 or Rp 500,000 per gram. Once the price was Rp 700,000 per gram.

Q: What is the pleasure of taking drugs?

A: It makes you high. It's better than sex. It's not a joy but a relief... At the beginning it is happy, but then you get hell from the pain.

Q: What pain?

A: The feeling of being lonely because you don't have anybody. When my friends, my girlfriend, started to shun me ... I hit the bottom, I felt that I had no future.

I only slept, woke up, ate, watched TV... I was confused. What was in my mind was how to get the drugs. And I would do anything to get it, cheating, stealing... fighting... no guilty feelings, all of my emotions died. It was as if your life was re- set (to zero). I was like a walking zombie. My life was unmanageable.

Q: How did you survive?

A: Early in 1998 I returned home. I was skinny. My parents were suspicious, especially when they found out that many things, and money, were missing -- I stole them. I confessed. I told them the truth and I said I would stop.

They were very supportive. They took me to a psychiatrist. And then on two occasions I undertook detoxification treatment.

I promised I would never touch the drugs again. But I broke the promise.

And then, in October 1998, I was taken to the recovery center. I started to learn about the world of addiction, the NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) programs. I learned (from other addicts) about the psychology of addiction, the physical, mental and spiritual aspects. I was reborn. My way of thinking changed, my emotions started to work.

I spent six months in the recovery program. And then I received an offer to join the peer counseling training for three or four months. I decided to take it because I think in Indonesia there are not many who really know about the problems of addicts. Only addicts understand the world (of addicts), the feelings, the sorrow, the loneliness.

Q: What is typical about addicts?

A: They are chronically depressed. If they have problems, they run from them, they have very strong defense mechanisms, they complain easily... like "nobody cares about me".

They either have low self-esteem or they think that other people are lower than themselves. They are trapped by their own minds. Mentally, they are stuck. Like me, I used it when I was 18 years old, and I was stuck on that age. I could not grow up. Without this recovery program, I would stay that way.

Q: How about your education?

A: I dropped out. I was a junky (addict) and I become a peer counselor here to help other addicts.

Q: How about your parents?

A: They are supportive. They love me. They want me to recover. It is very important to have parents who are supportive.

Q: Before you lived in Australia, had you used drugs?

A: When I was in elementary school, I smoked. I started drinking alcohol and using ganja (marijuana) when I was in junior high. I drank more frequently and took pills in senior high school.

I later became an addict because of my pattern of behavior when I was in Indonesia. So, it does not mean that you would easily become a drug addict just because you are in Australia.

What Indonesia is facing now has happened in Australia or America... It happened in the 1970s... Jimmy Hendrix, The Doors. We have very serious drugs problems now. We must be aware of it, we should not deny that we have the problems. And don't ever say that drugs is just part of Western culture. That's nonsense.

Q: Why do people take drugs?

A: Because we want to prove something. We want to steal people's attention. We want to be cool, to be tough. And to prove that, we go to discotheques, we fight in brawls and we use drugs.

But drugs are not only used by young people. There are also adults, executives, housewives who take drugs. (sim)