Loneliness haunts today's youth

Loneliness haunts today's youth

By T. Sima Gunawan and Rita A. Widiadana

Ninety-two years after R.A. Kartini's death, more and more
Indonesian women enjoy a life that was unimaginable during her
lifetime. Today, many women in the country are able to pursue the
highest level of education, find good jobs and have families as
well. Obviously Kartini's struggle for emancipation has bore
fruit. Yet, as more and more women shed the traditional role of
mother and wife, questions arise on who should fill the void they
leave and the impact their working lives have on their families,
particularly their children. In observance of Kartini Day, which
falls today, The Jakarta Post presents the following article on
the shift in women's roles, from housewives to career women and
the implications it has on families. R.A. Kartini is a national
heroine of women's emancipation who was born on April 21, 1879,
and died in September 1904. More stories on Page 6.

JAKARTA (JP): The teenager stands by the roadside. Cars, buses
and motorcycles speed by. Impatient motorists lean on their
horns. The youth is right in the middle of bustling Jakarta, yet
he is lonely.

He is not alone; there are many who feel the same, many who
feel lonely in the middle of a crowd.

Darmanto Jatman, a psychologist from Gadjah Mada University,
Yogyakarta, notes that the "lonely crowd syndrome" is starting to
emerge in Indonesia's big cities.

This syndrome can lead to aggression or fear, he explains.
Student brawls, which frequently occur in the city, are born of
this syndrome.

What causes this syndrome?

According to psychologists, the problem starts at home.
Children who lack parental affection and attention will grow into
lonely, or worse still, problem adults.

"Children who lack attention from their parents will probably
feel lonely and empty," says Darmanto, underlining children's
need for a strong bond with their parents.

Some people feel lonely in a crowd because of a lack of
intimacy at home. Darmanto theorizes that people who feel lonely
in a crowd can become aggressive or frightened. The feeling of
aggressiveness is often expressed in the so-called "anonymous
area". In the case of student brawls, the street is the students'
anonymous area, where they become strangers to people who might
otherwise know them.

Unfortunately, these days many parents have less time for
their children because both are busy with their careers. The
situation is especially acute in big cities like Jakarta, where
many families cannot survive unless the mother works.

In Indonesia, the number of women who work outside the home
has grown with the country's development. Data at the Ministry of
Women's Roles show that the female labor rate increased from
32.65 percent in 1980, to 37.59 percent in 1985 and 39.21 percent
in 1990. In 1994 the rate jumped to about 41.83 percent, with
36.1 million out of the 86.3 million-strong workforce being
women.

About half of the women in rural areas work outside the home.
In urban areas, less women work outside the home, but there has
been a sharp increase in women joining the workforce in urban
areas in the past decade. The rate increased from 29.5 percent in
1986, to 30.68 percent in 1989 and 37.4 percent in 1993.

The lonely crowd syndrome has been around for decades in other
nations. It hit America in the 1960s, says Darmanto.

After World War II, the United States worked hard to boost its
economy, develop new areas, build highways and skyscrapers. The
country's physical development was a great success, but there was
a vacuum in people's spiritual lives. Then, in the 1960s the
lonely crowd syndrome hit the country.

"They have started to turn to the East, trying to enrich their
spiritual lives. But the phenomenon still strongly prevails among
the American people, especially the urbanites," he said.

Possibilities

When both parents work there is little time left for their
offspring, which can affect the children's development. However,
it does not necessarily mean that children whose mothers stay at
home are better off than children whose mothers work.

There are two possibilities concerning the development of
children of double-income families, said Utami Munandar, a
professor of psychology at University of Indonesia.

The first possibility is that children whose parents both work
may grow independent at an earlier age than those whose mothers
do not work outside the home.

"This is a positive impact of a double-income family. Children
are naturally forced to make decisions. They have to do
everything by themselves while their parents are at work," she
says. She adds, however, that parents need to be active in
monitoring their children's physical and emotional development.

The second probability is that children will most likely
experience various psychological and social problems if their
parents are overly busy and fail to give them enough affection.

Utami warns that children need emotional attachment to their
parents, especially during their formative years. In the first
five years of a child's life it badly needs a sense of physical
and emotional security that only a parent can provide. Many
studies reveal that children who lack parental affection will
become problem teenagers or adults, she points out.

"Parental love and attention during the sensitive ages will
help build a child's self-confidence and self-esteem. This could
become a strong barrier for children against bad influence
from outside," she explains.

Bad outside influences apparently include the TV, computer and
electronic games like Nintendo and Sega. Such recreation can
alienate children from their environment because they can spend
hours in front of these things, claimed Darmanto.

As many of today's women have completely or partially
abandoned their roles as wife and mother, many children are left
on their own or with parental substitutes. As more and more women
have the freedom to choose between a career and family life,
children are the ones who have to cope with whatever choice their
mothers make.

Clearly, facilities to help mothers fulfill their role in the
home while pursuing an outside career are essential. However,
what is more important is that men, like women, are also
responsible for the raising of children. Like women, men also
have a dual role as husband and parent.

At long last, it is not just a matter of finding a close-to-
perfect substitute for working mothers, or helping working
mothers fulfill their traditional role while pursuing a career
outside the home. It's about society's perception of the division
of labor between men and women. Shouldn't men play a bigger role
in taking care of their children?.