Local use of terms in relationships prevents confusion

Local use of terms in relationships prevents confusion

By John Phillips

JAKARTA (JP): In this age of political, cultural and
linguistic correctness, it is becoming increasingly difficult to
figure out what people mean when they say something because they
are always saying one thing when they mean another, as I pointed
out with the term teman.

Indonesians are among the most skillful at doing this because
of their highly developed, innate sense of politeness. But, in
the U.S., without such traditions, it is very difficult to figure
out just what to say to avoid being accused of stereotyping
others with: racism (prejudice), sexism (chauvinism), homophobia
(gay-bashing), ageism (anti-old folks), snobbism (class warfare),
and every other -ism and phobia known to man- pardon me people-
kind.

It is particularly difficult to refer to the different roles
people play in society and in your life especially with respect
to newer forms of relationships, most of which are not recognized
by law. Thus, how does one refer to "couples" in marriages
without legal status, same sex marriages, communes, or
grandparents raising grandchildren? Given this confusion, it's
not surprising I prefer the Indonesian certainty in specifying
who's who and why.

I continually marvel at how well Indonesians have figured out
their elaborate system of referring to multiple kinds of
relationship's along with relative community status and
approximate age. Of course, social linguists explain all of this
by saying that such relationships in Indonesia are much more
important and therefore, more care is taken in establishing these
terms of reference.

They also have suggested that the reason Indonesian was chosen
as a national language over the more widely spoken Javanese was
because "Javanese is composed of several socio-stylistics that
are lexically quite distinct" requiring the learner to learn new
words and new sets of socially complex rules (Meaning: Javanese
was too difficult to learn).

This shows just how ignorant so-called experts can be. It is
well known that in addition to all of the common Indonesian forms
of address such as Bapak and Ibu (from Javanese) one can also use
a variety of terms from the other socio-linguistic groups to
achieve a range of specific references difficult to do in
English.

So not just the Javanese but all Indonesians can determine
older from younger siblings, distinguish elders and people of
higher status from equals or those with lower status.

The Balinese even have a naming system so you can tell in what
order children were born, more or less. The system insures that
everyone has status, no-one is equal, there is no such thing as
"no respect". There are rules of behavior, attitude and
orientation that "direct most social and official interactions."
So, what's the point, you ask?

The point is given the contrast between Indonesian language
and culture, American language and culture is a lot more
confusing and much less helpful in determining not only
appropriate language but also appropriate behavior. I specify
American language and culture not for any jingoist purposes but
because I am American. Also, I think the English themselves use
accents to determine status.

Also, Americans, unlike either the Indonesians or the English,
like to think of themselves as being equal, without class
distinctions, and relatively free to act without reference to
rules or restrictions and in any way they deem suitable. That is,
when Rodney Dangerfield uses the comic refrain "I don't get no
respect" (note: he means any), it has real meaning in American
society. Just witness the "disrespect" shown to government
officials, doctors, lawyers, judges, university professors,
administrators, teachers, police, parents, grandparents, and of
course, politicians, including the president of the United
States.

He may be the most powerful person on earth but he has been
called a liar, criminal, womanizer, and fool in public. And these
are but mild forms of disrespect shown.

Now, it may be that this is all to the good when it comes to
politicians, but Americans make fun of and show disrespect for
all, even parents, teachers, and religious leaders. Just watch
the Simpsons. At the other extreme, Americans bend over backwards
not to offend minority groups or others to the extent that we
don't know how to refer to our work, relationships, or even sex.
Thus, we invent terms like "alternative life-style", "gender
preference", "non-traditional families", and "significant other"
to refer to "life-style choices" and other terms like "sanitary
engineer", "executive assistant", and "domestic logistics
manager" (for garbage man, secretary, and housewife). And what is
someone who is "gay", "homosexual" or "happy"? No wonder we are
so confused.

Shakespeare asked, What's in a name?/rose/By any other name
would smell as sweet. Perhaps, but like Oscar Wilde, "When I see
a spade, I call it a spade."