Local use of terms in relationships prevents confusion

By John Phillips

JAKARTA (JP): In this age of political, cultural and linguistic correctness, it is becoming increasingly difficult to figure out what people mean when they say something because they are always saying one thing when they mean another, as I pointed out with the term teman.

Indonesians are among the most skillful at doing this because of their highly developed, innate sense of politeness. But, in the U.S., without such traditions, it is very difficult to figure out just what to say to avoid being accused of stereotyping others with: racism (prejudice), sexism (chauvinism), homophobia (gay-bashing), ageism (anti-old folks), snobbism (class warfare), and every other -ism and phobia known to man- pardon me people- kind.

It is particularly difficult to refer to the different roles people play in society and in your life especially with respect to newer forms of relationships, most of which are not recognized by law. Thus, how does one refer to "couples" in marriages without legal status, same sex marriages, communes, or grandparents raising grandchildren? Given this confusion, it's not surprising I prefer the Indonesian certainty in specifying who's who and why.

I continually marvel at how well Indonesians have figured out their elaborate system of referring to multiple kinds of relationship's along with relative community status and approximate age. Of course, social linguists explain all of this by saying that such relationships in Indonesia are much more important and therefore, more care is taken in establishing these terms of reference.

They also have suggested that the reason Indonesian was chosen as a national language over the more widely spoken Javanese was because "Javanese is composed of several socio-stylistics that are lexically quite distinct" requiring the learner to learn new words and new sets of socially complex rules (Meaning: Javanese was too difficult to learn).

This shows just how ignorant so-called experts can be. It is well known that in addition to all of the common Indonesian forms of address such as Bapak and Ibu (from Javanese) one can also use a variety of terms from the other socio-linguistic groups to achieve a range of specific references difficult to do in English.

So not just the Javanese but all Indonesians can determine older from younger siblings, distinguish elders and people of higher status from equals or those with lower status.

The Balinese even have a naming system so you can tell in what order children were born, more or less. The system insures that everyone has status, no-one is equal, there is no such thing as "no respect". There are rules of behavior, attitude and orientation that "direct most social and official interactions." So, what's the point, you ask?

The point is given the contrast between Indonesian language and culture, American language and culture is a lot more confusing and much less helpful in determining not only appropriate language but also appropriate behavior. I specify American language and culture not for any jingoist purposes but because I am American. Also, I think the English themselves use accents to determine status.

Also, Americans, unlike either the Indonesians or the English, like to think of themselves as being equal, without class distinctions, and relatively free to act without reference to rules or restrictions and in any way they deem suitable. That is, when Rodney Dangerfield uses the comic refrain "I don't get no respect" (note: he means any), it has real meaning in American society. Just witness the "disrespect" shown to government officials, doctors, lawyers, judges, university professors, administrators, teachers, police, parents, grandparents, and of course, politicians, including the president of the United States.

He may be the most powerful person on earth but he has been called a liar, criminal, womanizer, and fool in public. And these are but mild forms of disrespect shown.

Now, it may be that this is all to the good when it comes to politicians, but Americans make fun of and show disrespect for all, even parents, teachers, and religious leaders. Just watch the Simpsons. At the other extreme, Americans bend over backwards not to offend minority groups or others to the extent that we don't know how to refer to our work, relationships, or even sex. Thus, we invent terms like "alternative life-style", "gender preference", "non-traditional families", and "significant other" to refer to "life-style choices" and other terms like "sanitary engineer", "executive assistant", and "domestic logistics manager" (for garbage man, secretary, and housewife). And what is someone who is "gay", "homosexual" or "happy"? No wonder we are so confused.

Shakespeare asked, What's in a name?/rose/By any other name would smell as sweet. Perhaps, but like Oscar Wilde, "When I see a spade, I call it a spade."