Leech: Sucking the life out of you

JAKARTA (JP): No matter where you go in life there are leeches. Not the parasite that lives in muddy waters. The type of bloodsucker I'm referring to is the one we come into contact with on a daily basis: leechoros humongous or the human variety.

They exist on the goodwill of others, never thinking for a moment they are causing all manner of misery.

You know the person who goes to restaurants with others and after drinking a bottle of wine says they only had two glasses. The person who just orders a salad and then proceeds to trough everyone else's food. Or the person who flees for the bathroom anytime a bill arrives.

It's never clear when you first meet one that they are of the free-loading variety. Just like the jungle parasites, it takes a while before you feel the bite, and by then they're almost impossible to get rid of.

Go to the holiday island of Bali, a friend says, and you will see many leeches on the beaches. They take the form of the Bali Beach Boy whose mission in life is to dry up food, money and anything else that's going, she said.

Some years ago, I had the misfortune of working with a leech who stuck to me from the word go. He immediately supposed we would be the best of friends. It got so bad that at lunchtimes I was forced to hide in the office, dreading another hour of leeching.

His idea of our supposed friendship was not founded on typical friendship values. Everything was purely for his gain. In restaurants, bars and clubs, it was I who was left to pick up the tab. In taxis he suddenly had no change. Nobody minds paying for others on occasion, except when it happens all the time.

Meeting this fellow at London's Heathrow Airport one cold January morning, I told him my New Year's resolution was not to aide or abet him in any form over the coming year. Five minutes later saw the end of that resolve when he informed me that he hadn't changed any of his cash into sterling and asked me for taxi money.

Under my tutelage, however, he gradually came to the understanding that he couldn't continue his sponging habits. He's gotten over it to some extent, even if he does carry a pocket calculator to figure what he owes on restaurant bills, even down to his share of the service charge.

Then there was another colleague (different firm) who was the epitome of a leech. In the year I knew and worked with her she never once paid for taxis she shared with me or other friends. It became a joke among colleagues that each time the cab arrived at its destination the first thing we would hear was: "I don't seem to have any change".

Frequently she would leave bars without paying for her drinks, leaving others to foot the bill.

And worse luck, she happened to be holed-up in a house in North Jakarta with me and some friends during the May 1998 riots. The day the riots broke out, a friend and I went to the only open supermarket we could find and bought what little food was left.

When we arrived back at the house, we informed the leech that there was no more food available for a few days, so she could share what we had purchased. No sooner uttered, than she began plowing her way through the purchases. Soon there was nothing left, and for a few days we had to content ourselves with pot noodles and whiskey while she made mouthwatering dishes just for herself.

But leeches do not limit their sponging only to pecuniary matters. There is also the emotional leech.

These people manipulate or create emotions on which they thrive. They just love crises and conflicts. If they see a chink in someone's armor they go straight for it and jam it open because they don't make friends easily. They ensure that with the few friends they do have that there is a common enemy. They milk situations for all they are worth and constantly drive wedges between relationships.

Why do we put up with people such as this? Why are we so polite when others are not? And why are those who are rude and whose manners are from the dark ages so unaware of their shortcomings.

One day I decided to take the bull by the horns and informed the above leech of her shortcomings. She altogether flipped, accusing me of being a stingy, cold-hearted individual.

This is always the case with parasites. Like alcoholics, they never admit to having a problem and always turn it on its head to accuse the accuser of having the problem. Reason has no place with these people. They think the world owes them a living.

If there is one thing leeches are good at it's assessing their net worth and whether others should pay up. They generally tend to have rather high opinions, thinking themselves superior to others. Normal people don't behave like the Queen of England, nor would they want to, but to these leeches such behavior is their birthright.

It's just about bearable if a colleague or "friend" is a leech, but what if you are in a relationship or are even married to one?

A friend is in this situation. A beautiful, smart, savvy young woman, she allows a bloodsucker to take her for everything she possesses. As she works all the hours God sends, he rests at home drinking beer, watching porno flicks, spending her cash and sleeping with as many other women as possible. He has no intention of ever working as life is served up to him by his wife. Friends mutter behind her back that she is nuts to have married this sloth as he is literally sucking the blood out of her.

What leads people to act like this? It doesn't come down to money as these people tend to save most of theirs and frequently have more than others. Perhaps it's to do with their upbringing. Possibly their parents didn't provide all they wanted, leaving them to evolve into free-loaders. Or it may be because they think people are incontrovertible suckers and why not take what they can get anyway.

As with the jungle bleeders, take a flame to this lot and burn them off.

-- William Furney