Laywomen learn self-control at Maribaya monastery

By Ida Indawati Khouw

MARIBAYA, West Java (JP): Sunimita and Tan Bik Yang are dressed like bhikkhunis (Buddhist nuns). The two mature women in white robes have completely shaven heads and spend their days conducting rituals.

They are two of 17 laywomen who are spending 10 days, until May 8 a day after Waisak Buddhist holiday, at Kusalayani monastery for Theravada bhikkhunis in Maribaya, about 19 kilometers north of Bandung, to experience a monastic existence.

They are supposed to think of nothing but dhamma (Pali word meaning the teachings of the Buddha). Everything is done in total silence. Even mealtimes are eerily silent. A breach of the cardinal rule would result in punishment by the supervising nun.

Of the group, only Sunimita and Bik Yang were permitted to talk one day for an interview with The Jakarta Post.

"I am resolved to undergo training to free myself from worldly affairs. I don't mind shaving my hair as part of the training... I can wear a hat when I return to normal life," said Sunimita, a mother of two small children.

She is supposed to leave all her family affairs behind. A graduate of Tarumanagara University, Sunimita has a three-month- old baby boy who is with her husband at home in Anyer, West Java.

"Often, the thought of my children, husband and business come into my mind, but I immediately try to control myself," she said. "I think no one would have the heart to leave an infant at home for 10 days, but it (the program) is the best chance for me to train myself. My husband totally supports me and promised to take care of our children."

Bald head not obligatory

To have a bald head is not obligatory unless the participants are willing to continue the training to novitiate. But five of the 17 participants have freely decided to have their hair shaved off.

"I think they (the bald heads) will be teased a lot when they go back home and appear in public," said Ayya Satini, a nun who manages the training. "It's no problem for those who intend to participate and stay here."

But the true challenge is to control our thoughts and live in total silence in the monastery. Silence is part of the meditation by which Buddhists can look into themselves and reflect on dhamma.

"I have just been punished for commenting on the bad odor wafting from our meal bowls," said Sunimita, who had to meditate half-an-hour longer for the offense.

"I found it difficult to keep silent at the beginning, but I soon found enjoyment in the silence. Being silent reduces the possibility of hurting others," said the mother of a four-year- old girl.

Is everyone able to remain silent for the whole 10 days training?

"I don't want to say I will succeed but I will try," said Bik Yang, who together with another participant, is determined to become a nun.

Bik Yang, who is a 35-year-old unmarried woman, was introduced to Buddhism only four months ago, but is resolute on becoming a bhikkhuni.

She comes from Parakan, Central Java and said she was aware of the negative perceptions about a woman intending to become a nun.

"They say a woman will become a nun to make up for the failures in her own life. But that is not the reason why I have decided to be a nun," she said.

Bik Yang is a relatively successful woman. She has a college degree and a fledging family business.

"My family is always ready to accept me again if I decide later to resign from the monastery," she added.

Meditation

Ayya Santini said that meditation is a basic way to master oneself.

"The first two hours of our program -- from 5 a.m. to 7 a.m. -- starts with prayers and meditation. The same activity is held at midday for one hour and another two hours at night," the nun said.

All of the activities were expected to be done together by participants. For example, they were always required to walk in line which meant that the group often had to stand for a long time to wait for members who had decided to visit the restroom before breakfast.

"It is part of our training to be disciplined," said Ayya Dhammakumari.

The training programs also include dealing with negative feelings, such as anxiety, anger and disappointment -- a basic training for the nuns too

"People sometimes channel bad feelings by crying out loud. This is not effective because by doing that you cannot control your emotion," Santini said.

Principally, the nun said, the training program aims at keeping participants away from worldly affairs so that they can focus on their inner selves and exercise self-restraint.