Laywomen learn self-control at Maribaya monastery

Laywomen learn self-control at Maribaya monastery

By Ida Indawati Khouw

MARIBAYA, West Java (JP): Sunimita and Tan Bik Yang are
dressed like bhikkhunis (Buddhist nuns). The two mature women in
white robes have completely shaven heads and spend their days
conducting rituals.

They are two of 17 laywomen who are spending 10 days, until
May 8 a day after Waisak Buddhist holiday, at Kusalayani
monastery for Theravada bhikkhunis in Maribaya, about 19
kilometers north of Bandung, to experience a monastic existence.

They are supposed to think of nothing but dhamma (Pali word
meaning the teachings of the Buddha). Everything is done in total
silence. Even mealtimes are eerily silent. A breach of the
cardinal rule would result in punishment by the supervising nun.

Of the group, only Sunimita and Bik Yang were permitted to
talk one day for an interview with The Jakarta Post.

"I am resolved to undergo training to free myself from worldly
affairs. I don't mind shaving my hair as part of the training...
I can wear a hat when I return to normal life," said Sunimita, a
mother of two small children.

She is supposed to leave all her family affairs behind. A
graduate of Tarumanagara University, Sunimita has a three-month-
old baby boy who is with her husband at home in Anyer, West Java.

"Often, the thought of my children, husband and business come
into my mind, but I immediately try to control myself," she said.
"I think no one would have the heart to leave an infant at home
for 10 days, but it (the program) is the best chance for me to
train myself. My husband totally supports me and promised to take
care of our children."

Bald head not obligatory

To have a bald head is not obligatory unless the participants
are willing to continue the training to novitiate. But five of
the 17 participants have freely decided to have their hair shaved
off.

"I think they (the bald heads) will be teased a lot when they
go back home and appear in public," said Ayya Satini, a nun who
manages the training. "It's no problem for those who intend to
participate and stay here."

But the true challenge is to control our thoughts and live in
total silence in the monastery. Silence is part of the meditation
by which Buddhists can look into themselves and reflect on
dhamma.

"I have just been punished for commenting on the bad odor
wafting from our meal bowls," said Sunimita, who had to meditate
half-an-hour longer for the offense.

"I found it difficult to keep silent at the beginning, but I
soon found enjoyment in the silence. Being silent reduces the
possibility of hurting others," said the mother of a four-year-
old girl.

Is everyone able to remain silent for the whole 10 days
training?

"I don't want to say I will succeed but I will try," said Bik
Yang, who together with another participant, is determined to
become a nun.

Bik Yang, who is a 35-year-old unmarried woman, was introduced
to Buddhism only four months ago, but is resolute on becoming a
bhikkhuni.

She comes from Parakan, Central Java and said she was aware of
the negative perceptions about a woman intending to become a nun.

"They say a woman will become a nun to make up for the
failures in her own life. But that is not the reason why I have
decided to be a nun," she said.

Bik Yang is a relatively successful woman. She has a college
degree and a fledging family business.

"My family is always ready to accept me again if I decide
later to resign from the monastery," she added.

Meditation

Ayya Santini said that meditation is a basic way to master
oneself.

"The first two hours of our program -- from 5 a.m. to 7 a.m.
-- starts with prayers and meditation. The same activity is held
at midday for one hour and another two hours at night," the nun
said.

All of the activities were expected to be done together by
participants. For example, they were always required to walk in
line which meant that the group often had to stand for a long
time to wait for members who had decided to visit the restroom
before breakfast.

"It is part of our training to be disciplined," said Ayya
Dhammakumari.

The training programs also include dealing with negative
feelings, such as anxiety, anger and disappointment -- a basic
training for the nuns too

"People sometimes channel bad feelings by crying out loud.
This is not effective because by doing that you cannot control
your emotion," Santini said.

Principally, the nun said, the training program aims at
keeping participants away from worldly affairs so that they can
focus on their inner selves and exercise self-restraint.