Karaoke diplomacy livens summit

Karaoke diplomacy livens summit

Our Asia correspondent Harvey Stockwin reports on the latest
developments in the style of Philippine diplomacy -- and how this
new political format could help dissipate prevailing regional
tensions. This article is a fictulation -- a combination of fact,
fiction and speculation, with the reader having to decide which
is what.

HONG KONG (JP): So far, no word has reached Hong Kong
confirming the rumor that, in a late night get-together in
Jakarta, the seven ASEAN heads of government wooed each other
with song. But that lack of confirmation may merely mean that
Philippine President Fidel Ramos has been reticent about the
latest invention of the ever-fertile Philippine political
imagination : Karaoke Diplomacy.

China's President Jiang Zemin was in at the unveiling of this
secret Filipino weapon on board the presidential yacht SS Ang
Pangulo, as he cruised Manila Bay as the guest of Philippine
President Fidel Ramos (accompanied by two Philippine Navy
frigates) on Nov. 27.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer breathlessly recorded the
political rationale for this major development. "The issue of
Chinese intrusion into the Philippine-claimed Mischief Reef was
too daunting a problem for them to tackle that day. So they sang
seven American pop hits and danced the blues away."

The two Presidents got going in both slow and fast tempo duets
of Elvis Presley's Love Me Tender. The duet reverberated around
the world, courtesy BBC World Service.

Ramos then gave Jiang some priceless intelligence -- this was
U.S. President Bill Clinton's favorite song, so Jiang should
surprise Clinton by singing it to him when he hosts the promised
Sino-American summit in Beijing.

The two Presidents followed up with Let Me Call You Sweetheart
before Jiang showed off his dancing expertise by waltzing with
First Lady Amelita Ramos. There were other highlights -- as when
Ramos inveigled Jiang into attempting to dance the cha-cha, and
the two leaders sang another duet, a Carpenters' song Top Of The
World.

Caught up in the mood of the moment, Jiang let slip that his
favorite song was Swanee River before singing it as a solo.
Karaoke Diplomacy ended for the day with a spirited rendition of
Auld Lang Syne.

At least the Inquirer kept its eye on the ball, concluding its
report: "The problems did not go away, though. Foreign Secretary
Domingo Siazon said that a garrison-type Chinese structure
remained in Mischief Reef, which is part of the Kalayaan Islands
claimed by the Philippines. 'Its still a main irritant for us, so
that we have to resolve it' Siazon said."

It's anybody's guess whether Karaoke Diplomacy brought a
resolution of the territorial dispute any nearer.

ASEAN should not be miffed if Ramos did not pass on news of
this sensational diplomatic development at the Jakarta summit.
The Chinese people have not been informed about Karaoke Diplomacy
either. The Filipinos naturally allowed some TV cameras on board
the Ang Pangulo so that the vocal Jiang-Ramos talents might have
global impact. But this reporter has not, so far, seen the
Karaoke Diplomacy episode replayed on the Beijing Nightly TV
News. No doubt the Standing Committee of the Politburo of the
Chinese Communist Party will have to decide when, and if, news of
this Incident can ever be released.

Understandably, it is a very difficult decision for the CCP.
Karaoke Diplomacy humanizes politicians. The CCP steadfastly
resists any such trend.

Yet maybe we are underestimating Jiang. Maybe he passed on the
secret of Karaoke Diplomacy to the Indians at his next stop after
Manila, in New Delhi. Maybe it is the Indian side which resists
releasing the news that in a late night get-together President
Jiang and Indian President Shankar Dayal Sharma wooed each other
with song.

Could it be that there was, after all, a Sino-Indian sing-
along in a quiet corner of Rashtrapathi Bhavan, the presidential
place -- but both sides have kept quiet about it? The Chinese
leader, with confidence-building measures on the Sino-Indian
border very much in mind, robustly sang Don't Fence Me In. The
Indian leader replied, thinking of all that Chinese nuclear
assistance to Pakistan, with a plaintive but pointed rendition of
the love song from the musical Kiss Me Kate -- Why Can't You
Behave?

Jiang and Sharma concluded, amidst prolonged applause, as they
sang a duet with another Elvis Presley number Your Cheatin'
Heart.

The Philippine amusement industry may not realize it -- but
President Ramos has just given them the idea for a great parlor
game. It is entitled Karaoke Diplomacy At Great Moments in
History. You draw your moment and the leaders to match -- and
then imagine the songs they ought to have sung. For example, the
great act of Anglo-French appeasement at Munich in 1938.

The German dictator Adolf Hitler could have wooed British
Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain with a fierce version of the
1930s hit Is You Is, Or Is You Ain't My Baby? Chamberlain, the
arch appeaser, could have replied plaintively with the 1920s song
I Could Be Happy With You, If You Could Be Happy With Me. The two
leaders could then have danced a spirited version of the
Charleston. Chamberlain would have been so breathless he would
have forgotten about giving a guarantee to Poland, World War II
might never have happened.

In the same way, there was absolutely no need for Ramos and
Jiang to avoid all mention of the contentious Spratly Islands in
the South China Sea when they were cruising in Manila Bay.
Ramos could have directly broached the issue with an updated
version of I Believe. Jiang could have soothed Philippine
passions with Cole Porter's old hit -- I'm always true to you,
darling, in my fashion, I'm always true to you, darling, in my
way.

Of course there is a danger in this, as with all secret
weapons. Some hardline generals in the People's Liberation Army,
once they hear about the goings-on aboard Ang Pangulo, may decide
that now is the right moment to seize a few more vacant reefs in
the South China Sea. President Ramos must be hoping that
President Jiang got his underlying message -- those who sing-
along must get-along.

Meanwhile the rumors of an ASEAN sing-along at the Jakarta
summit seem plausible. Karaoke diplomacy offered the perfect way
out. Faced with intra-ASEAN differences over when Myanmar should
join the grouping, and with pressure from the State Law and Order
Restoration Council (SLORC) for quicker entry, all leaders could
agree to join in heartily singing On The Road To Nandalay.

Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad loves to pontificate
about Asian values but this past week his understanding of Asian
dress values did not even extend across the South China Sea.
Mahathir in the Philippines made the same mistake as U.S.
President Bill Clinton did last year in Indonesia.

The Philippine dress shirt, the barong tagalog, is nearly
always coupled with dark, preferably black trousers. Worn like a
bush shirt outside the trousers, the barong tagalog is the
sensible Philippine equivalent of a Western dinner jacket.

Naturally, when he plotted the arrangements for last week's
Manila-Subic Bay summit of the 18-nation Asia-Pacific Economic
Cooperation (APEC) grouping, Philippine President Fidel Ramos
planned to give all the summiteers their own specially tailored
barongs. Getting all the leaders' measurements, from Chile to
China, back to Manila in time for the tailoring must have placed
quite a strain on Philippine diplomats, but they managed it.

So there were all the leaders, gathered in one long line at
the former U.S. Naval base at Subic, wearing their barongs, and
waving their greetings to the cameras. Everyone wore black
trousers -- except Mahathir, right in the middle of the line,
wearing entirely inappropriate gray pants.

One of Mahathir's favorite themes has been "learning from
Japan" but this time he was "learning from the United States".
Two years ago in Bogor, the Indonesian hosts had gone through a
similar exercise only with their more ornate batik shirts.

These also require dark trousers. Indonesian President Suharto
himself chose the colors and the patterns for each leader's batik
shirt. The group picture was spoilt because Clinton not only kept
everyone waiting but jarringly mixed a brown batik pattern with
gray trousers. What hope can there be for APEC to pursue free
trade when they cannot all wear the same trousers?

Window A:

It's anybody's guess whether Karaoke Diplomacy brought a
resolution of the territorial dispute any nearer.

Window B:

The Philippine amusement industry may not realize it -- but
President Ramos has just given them the idea for a great parlor
game.