Japanese etiquette do's and don'ts

Many Japanese restaurants provide a "how-to" on chopsticks, but not much more. Japanese cuisine may not involve an army of cutlery and glasses as in fine French dining, but there are a few things to remember. If you've done either of the "Nevers" listed below, you'll know why the Japanese family at the next table was looking at you in horror.

Do
- Use the cold towel to wipe your hands -- face and neck are optional, but not necessarily proper
- Poor beer or sake for others -- but not for yourself; it looks greedy
- Make a toast when you feel like it, especially to thank your host for the evening in outrageously gracious, flowery terms
- Pick up the rice bowl to eat from it and keep it in your hand as a receptacle for all other food -- unless you are drinking from a glass or sipping miso soup; the exception is donburi, rice dishes with a topping served in an oversized bowl
- Place the miso soup bowl against your lips and sip from it -- some restaurants provide spoons, but miso soup isn't meant to be eaten with one
- Slurp your noodles -- it's okay, even appreciated
- Place your chopsticks neatly together horizontally across a bowl or dish or, if it is provided, on the chopstick "pillow" when not using them
- Reverse your chopsticks to serve another guest from a shared dish

Don't
- Spit bones and other inedible pieces of food onto your plate -- use your chopsticks or, if necessary, your fingers to take them from your mouth and place them on the edge of your plate
- Shovel rice into your mouth -- Japanese rice is "sticky", so can be picked up in bite-sized clumps
- Point at anyone with your chopsticks -- you wouldn't point at someone with a fork or knife now, would you?

Never
- Stand your chopsticks in a bowl of rice -- this is done only during a wake with the offertory meal for the deceased
- Pass food from chopstick to chopstick or pick up the same piece of food between two people -- this sort of "double-chopstick" method is done only in Japanese Buddhist funerary rites when transferring cremated bones into an urn

Final note
Try not to buy chopsticks in a kitchen store and use them to secure a chignon -- they may look pretty, but to a Japanese, it simply looks like a dining utensil stuck in your hair. Only Ariel from The Little Mermaid can get away with using cutlery as a hair-styling implement. -- The Jakarta Post