Jakarta, a culinary wasteland for good, authentic food?

Jakarta, a culinary wasteland for good, authentic food?

Andre Vltchek and Rossie Indira, Contributors, Denpasar, Bali

Jose Bove, the French philosopher/farmer, antiglobalization
activist and determined fighter against chain restaurants and
American malbouffe (mildly and loosely translated as "bad food"),
spreading its greasy and calorie-laden burgers and fries all over
the world, would most definitely not choose Jakarta as the
exemplary city of good and healthy dining.

In Jakarta, Europe lost. According to a former UN employee
based in the city, enormous metropolis, capital of the fourth
largest nation by population in the world, doesn't have one
single restaurant that could offer at least semidecent and
semiauthentic Italian culinary fair.

Jakarta doesn't have any German, Russian, Swedish or
Portuguese restaurants, and even a Spanish dining room at a major
hotel serves overpriced food very far from the quality expected
from simple bars at some god-forsaken train station in provincial
Spain.

There is a bread store with an eponymous name of Europe, but
it's just a name, of course. It's another enormous chain selling
hopelessly sweet and unmemorable pastries. Apart of its tacky
windmill symbol, there is nothing authentically Dutch about its
bread.

Even the Indonesian business elite is now hooked on American
chains. While it would be unimaginable for the trendy trading
crowd in New York, San Francisco or Boston to arrange evening
get-togethers at a theme restaurant, it is quite normal for
Jakarta's nouveau riche to gather at places associated in the
U.S. with suburban living, not with urban sophistication.

Visibly lacking sleek cafes and the Latin Bar and China Bar
style establishments of other great cities, city dwellers in
Jakarta are settling for chain cafes and plastic tables.

But how authentic is even the chain food in Jakarta?

While one chain that mushroomed along all major American
highways (no, not the Golden Arches) offers tremendous, juicy
burgers in the United States, in Jakarta it serves little, sad
looking, dry meat-units of unidentifiable origin. And what about
the soft, uncrunchy crust and insulting parody on pepperoni and
mozzarella of pizza?

While making a film in Jakarta, I visited a Tex-Mex eatery in
Central Jakarta on several occasions. It was not because I
treasured its menu but simply because it was next door to my
hotel. Every time I visited, I selected a burger with blue
cheese.

The waitress took my order, then disappeared, only to return
five minutes later to inform me, that "Today, we're out of the
blue cheese" (my Indonesian wife was recently shocked while
visiting Hanoi. She ordered yogurt, which the restaurant had run
out, but it immediately sent a waitress to buy fresh supplies
from across the street).

I gave up on the Tex-Mex joint after almost breaking my tooth
on some bone fragment, treacherously hidden inside the Swiss
burger.

A dedicated reader of Jose Bove and loyal consumer of
Roquefort cheese, escargot and pate, I hardly visit fast food
chains anywhere in the world. However, squeezed by traffic and
overwhelmed by hunger in suburban Indonesia, I decided to
compromise my principals on several occasions.

Under the cover of darkness, I dragged my wife (fierce
defender of authentic warung food over chain offerings any day)
to another famous burger joint. It was only to discover that even
a cheeseburger tastes different here (and it's not a compliment)
than anywhere else in the world!

We still couldn't figure out what exactly is wrong with
"international" or "foreign" restaurants in Jakarta. Is it lack
of authentic ingredients, outrageous taxes on everything
imported, or simple lack of expats willing to open small and
great restaurants and cook themselves, as they do in Hanoi and
Bangkok?

Or are Indonesians simply lacking a passion for great food?

Why does the common beef Stroganoff served in Jakarta leave no
delicious aftertaste of French pickles? Why has "French onion
soup" served by a French-owned hotel have no baked cheese on top?

Why is "authentic" espresso coffee, served in almost all cafes
of the city so huge and so weak? Why does the local baguette lack
crunch?

Of the many places that we tried, the best restaurants are
owned and run by foreigners, like the Lebanese place on Jl.
Sabang, Central Jakarta.

The other day, after listening for one full hour to a
Singaporean couple complaining about Indonesian food, we took a
romantic walk on the premises of a hotel in Bali.

Looking at Tanah Lot temple, my wife suddenly said: "There is
something important I never told you."

"What is it?" I responded, alarmed.

"You know, every time I travel to Singapore, I go to KFC and
stuff myself on chicken nuggets! They taste so different than
here."

After this revelation, we drove to Tuban -- to a Padang
restaurant -- and had our best meal in two weeks. It was beef
rendang, of course, not some fake cordon bleu!