Is national reconciliation feasible?

JAKARTA (JP): "If only there were a button one could push to wipe the ribbon of life clean, so that he could begin again..." wrote Harold Robbins in The Pirate.

And that kind of magic button is what, apparently, this nation is looking for with the proposal to form the National Reconciliation Team. This team, if I understand correctly, will work hard to facilitate reconciliation between the victims of misconduct, wrongdoing and brutality and those who are accused of perpetrating these acts.

It is an idea we have to hail. With national reconciliation we will forgive each other and put all grudges, anger, prejudice and hard feeling into the past and start anew. That way, we could concentrate on building this nation in a better fashion than that which has gone before.

Bearing a grudge is just like holding a coin tightly in your hand. The longer you hold it, the more painful it becomes. It consumes energy and concentration which would be better put to constructive uses. By bearing a grudge you are apt to do poorly what you could do well.

I was once so anguished by what my boss did to me that I could have killed him. He did apologize, but I thought it was not enough. For months I was in despair, trying to find a way to teach him a lesson. It was Pangulu, my best friend, who came to the rescue.

"You've been wasting your time. Holding a grudge is a burden and it won't do you any good. After all, he has apologized. Do something that will take your mind off his mistake and heal your broken heart," he ordered, and with that, dragged me off to his favorite sanctuary, the fishing pond.

While fishing, Pangulu lectured me about the art of healing. "Forgiving is the art of healing," he said, quoting an article in the Reader's Digest. "Believe me, you'll feel much better if you accept the apology."

Pangulu was right. I felt as though a burden weighing tons had been lifted from my shoulders. Now, learning from what I experienced, I want to hail the idea of forming a reconciliation team.

"Another team?" interjected Mrs. Ifa, my fellow teacher who is also a psychologist. "No, not again! There have been so many teams, committees, communication forums and the like. And we are still going nowhere".

"Let it be," retorted Mrs. Dinar, her best friend. "It will justify Indonesia's global reputation for forming teams."

She then told a joke about a plane crash. A few minutes before the crash, the pilot asked passengers to come up with ideas to help mend the aircraft and prevent it from crashing. Everybody came up with ideas, all except an Indonesian, who calming suggested that the passengers set up a fact-finding team. And that's when the aircraft plunged into the sea.

"We need to wipe the ribbon..." I said.

"C'mon! That kind of ribbon no longer exists. Everything is recorded on CD ROM's. You can't crease it just like that," continued Mrs. Ifa sardonically.

"What I mean is," she continued, "the hurt caused by all the wrongdoings is so deep that it will be very hard to forget. Look at what we have gone through. Fear, torture, poverty, famine, you name it -- it's unbearable. Shouldn't somebody be held responsible for that? And to think of the tremendous amount of money that has gone astray!"

"But to keep that in your mind will just make things worse. You'll be carried away by the feeling and become reluctant to take more constructive steps," I argued.

"By the way, can you tell me exactly what the national reconciliation is all about?" asked Mrs. Dinar.

Frankly speaking, a clear concept of reconciliation has not been defined by those who came up with the idea. But it has been like a red rag to a bull! Everybody is talking about it, as always. Many people have pointed out different meanings of the word reconciliation. Some have even got an Indonesian word for it, rujuk, which means the action taken by a divorced couple when they remarry. Now, who are the divorced couple?

My dictionary offers six different meanings of the verb "to reconcile", but the ones most relevant to our current situation are "to settle or resolve a dispute" and "to bring to acceptance or acquiescence."

The first, which apparently means rujuk, will generate a series of questions as to what dispute to settle first because there are so many disputes between the government and the people; between political leaders; between losers and winners; old leaders and new leaders; retired officials and active officials. It could take two decades to settle all the disputes -- the list is longer than the Mahakam River. Meanwhile, the number of people living below the poverty line will continue to increase.

The second meaning denotes acceptance or acquiescence. This is what Mrs. Ifa, like other "TV talkers" thinks is hard to do. "I agree that to forgive is divine, but it cannot be done at the push of a button. Before you forgive somebody and forget a particular misdemeanor, you have to understand why the perpetrator did it in the first place. You have to be convinced that the same mistakes will not happen again and you must receive a confession and an apology," she said.

"The trouble is, Indonesians, especially those in power, are not good at admitting and apologizing," she rued . "So?"

The best way, I think, is to stop talking, blaming and provoking others for a moment or two and indulge in a bit of introspection. Let's focus on alleviating national poverty. Meanwhile, time will heal all the pain we have endured so far. Only then will we be able to push the magic button and bring about that elusive reconciliation.

-- Carl Chairul