Interracial marriages face social stigma

Interracial marriages face social stigma

By Pandaya and Ida Indawati Khouw

JAKARTA (JP): When Widodo knelt at the altar, exchanged
wedding rings with Yanti and vowed to live as husband and wife on
that happy day seven years ago, his father was the only relative
on hand.

Up until today, Widodo, 45, does not know why his relatives
"boycotted" his wedding ceremony in a West Jakarta Catholic
church. Staying away from such an occasion is very unusual in his
Javanese tradition which honors family values.

"I wasn't interested in asking why they refused to come," says
Widodo. "I can only guess. They were unhappy that I was marrying
a woman of Chinese descent, or they wanted me to devote my life
to the church. Or a combination of both."

But as time goes by and the marriage remains happy, Widodo's
sour relationship with his relatives is returning to normal. They
call him like they used to.

"When they have a family problem, they call and ask me for
advice," he grinned in victory.

Widodo's experience is possibly typical with a marriage
between a pribumi (indigenous person) and an Indonesian of
Chinese descent.

Interracial couples said in separate interviews with The
Jakarta Post that the first problem they encountered after
announcing their marriage plans was cultural presumptions from
their families.

For instance, the Chinese are often unfairly assumed to be
"economic animals", close-fisted people who cluster in exclusive
enclaves and lack empathy toward people outside their circles.

While among people of Chinese descent, the pribumi are often
considered lazy, corruptible and spendthrifts. Among the more
traditional Chinese, the pribumi may be looked down upon for
their lower economic standing.

At the national level, Chinese-Indonesians, who comprise a
small minority of the 205 million population, but seem to
dominate commercial activities, have often been made scapegoats
in times of hardship.

Although mixed marriages are known to have occurred in ancient
times, it remains tricky nowadays when anti-Chinese sentiment is
simmering across the country, especially in large cities.

By and large, marriage is seen as the ultimate mix between
pribumi and Chinese-Indonesians.

When a pribumi and Chinese-Indonesian announce their marriage
plans, the first reaction from their relatives is usually
negative, particularly if the couple are not of the same
religion.

Interracial couples say they believe race is not relevant as
far as marriage is concerned.

"People cannot choose to be born a certain race, so why make a
mixed marriage an issue?" Widodo says.

"We live a normal married life and we never make an issue out
of it (racial differences)," says Yohana Sambepadang, a Tana
Toraja native married to Handoko, a Chinese-Indonesian from
Muntilan, Central Java.

Yohana, who met her husband-to-be in South Sulawesi in 1976
when he worked as a contractor, is lucky in that her parents gave
her marriage their blessings and she was well accepted by
husband's relatives.

"Tolerance is the key to our enduring marriage," said the
mother of four who runs a shop while Handoko pursues his career
as an artist.

Couples of mixed marriages often experience culture shock
which can take a few months or a few years to overcome.

"At first it was difficult to understand my wife, who is
money-minded. But then we each tried to change our way of
thinking to love each other the way we were," says Widodo.

Mulyadi, a 33-year-old Chinese-Indonesian, says his marriage
to Novy Amelia Elizabeth Sine of Rote-Manado ancestry three years
ago has enriched each of their cultural experiences.

For example, he says, Novy and her relatives like talking
straight which, by his standards, was close to being rude.

"At first, it was difficult for me to understand her
mannerisms."

Like many other Chinese-Indonesians married to a pribumi,
Mulyadi's wish to marry someone who was not of Chinese descent
met with opposition from his immediate family.

When Mulyadi brought his pribumi fiancee home and introduced
her to his relatives, his sister squirmed and whispered a word of
caution into his ear.

"I remember my sister warned me that we (Mulyadi and Novy)
will have 'interaction' problems if we married. But somehow I
managed to convince my sister that sort of problem could occur in
any marriage.

"My sister could accept my argument. Now he and my wife have
no problems with each other," he says.

Widodo, Yohana and Mulyadi's recipe for a successful
interracial marriage is: accepting each other the way they are
and not making their ethnic background an issue.