Internet chatting leads to excitement and disappointment

By Emmy Fitri

JAKARTA (JP): "I recently broke up with my boyfriend whom I met at a chat board. I realize that this relation is virtual -- cyberlove -- but why is the pain so real?" a 24-year-old woman wrote in an agony column in one of the leading dailies.

"Relationships on the Internet are very artificial. People will only know small aspects of one personality. You still have to find out more about your new friend's personality by getting along in the real world," replied noted psychologist Leila Ch. Budiman.

Socialization through wires, either those of the Internet or the telephone, is not enough. The relationship should be continued on a more down-to-earth basis, Leila added.

The point was being made very clear here that online chatting should not always be taken seriously. Such communication should be complemented with real interaction.

Chatting, however, has become a need for many. They can spend hours chatting, not only at home but also in the office or at the Internet cafes, a business which is now booming in the big cities. You do not have to buy special software. This facility is offered by many newly launched local portals - for free. Previously, chatter had to download the facility from Microsoft or Netscape or from overseas portals.

Entering the chat-room, you can become anyone you want because you can use an alias and hide your identity. If you are shy, you are able to become outspoken in this cyberworld. On the other hand, if you are normally rude, you can try to act like a very polite person for a change.

Businessman Herry Simanjuntak, a regular chatter, admitted that chatline aficionados can perform as they like and talk as they wish.

"It depends on ourselves, our maturity in responding. From the beginning, I have regarded the chatting arena as a place where we can communicate effectively, I can use it to develop my business by getting more friends and more inspiration to improve my potential," he said.

Herry, a father of three children who resides in Pamulang, a suburb south of Jakarta, is probably one of the few who gets a benefit from his hobby. He has just decided to engage in an Internet business venture with fellow chatters whom he met in the chat-room.

Recently Herry and his fellow chatters, whom he often met at one local portal, Astaga!.com, held a "real" meeting.

"Such a meeting will encourage chatters to be honest during our chat time. Those who attended the meeting are people who really want to develop themselves, to find serious friends or those who are just curious. But, as a result, we will be more careful in talking the next time in the chat-room," he said.

Herry, who began using the Internet a year ago, spends at least Rp 1.5 million for the telephone bill as he chats for hours every night.

According to Harry, creating a virtual personality is not offensive although it has no practical use. "You will just waste your time. So be yourself and it's safe."

He strongly believes that "netiquette" is definitely needed even though he acknowledged that not all people abide by this convention.

A chat-room in Satunet.com warns its visitors by giving advise and rules on chatting before the chatters enter the chat-room.

"No color, no flooding, no repeating, no harassing, no profanities and no offensive actions on this channel."

The rules are quite clear but most of the time the chatters ignore them so that it is possible for any words and images to pop up in the chat-room.

Chatter F. Siswadi, a student living in the Netherlands, admitted that he often just sends bad words to the chat-room when he is in a bad mood or feels bored.

"Why not, it's just a way to get some fun. Nobody will know us and it's too bad that some portals in Indonesia, which provide chat facilities, do not also equip themselves with software to recognize our IP address," he said in an e-mailed interview.

Before the Internet boom hit the country, he spent most of his time, after surfing the Internet, in chatting through some famous portals like yahoo.com or aol.com.

"They have a type of software that recognizes us. If I enter with one nick and reenter the room with a different nick after being kicked out for sending the "F" word, I will be rejected. That's the cost," he said.

Now he sits for hours chatting through local portals after checking out what is going on in Indonesia. Two or three chatters have become his close friends.

"If I return to Indonesia, I plan to meet them. They're really nice...of course after a series of tests with e-mail and real mail," he said.

Thanty TY, a college graduate, admitted that she was also addicted to online chatting. She spends at least two hours per day in front of the computer monitor just for chatting and, as she has no computer at home, she has to go to an Internet cafe, locally dubbed a warnet (Warung Internet).

She admitted that once she met a man who sounded nice in the chat-room. They talked on the phone and made a date. But the relationship did not last long as she found out that he was different from what she had expected.

She learned that one could be a slightly or even totally different personality in the chat-room.

"In my case, I'd rather be myself as I use my real nickname if I enter a chat-room, unlike others who pick different names."

She said that now she did not expect anything from other chatters. If she felt she wanted to continue on to real interaction, she would rather adopt a neutral attitude and not try to imagine what this friend would look like or whether she or he would be as nice as in the chat room.

Yet she admitted that it is still possible to find an intimate friend in the chatroom.

"Who knows, but I also want to make it real by communicating by telephone or going out together," she explained.

Another chatter, Antok, was once disappointed when he was about to meet a friend whom he knew from the chat-room.

"We wanted to catch a movie and so we met at a mall. He was not as much fun as in the chat-room," he said.

Antok, working at for a private television in its IT department, has all the time in the world to surf the Internet from his desk top. He can spend up to six hours chatting during his spare time.