Internet chatting leads to excitement and disappointment
Internet chatting leads to excitement and disappointment
By Emmy Fitri
JAKARTA (JP): "I recently broke up with my boyfriend whom I
met at a chat board. I realize that this relation is virtual --
cyberlove -- but why is the pain so real?" a 24-year-old woman
wrote in an agony column in one of the leading dailies.
"Relationships on the Internet are very artificial. People
will only know small aspects of one personality. You still have
to find out more about your new friend's personality by getting
along in the real world," replied noted psychologist Leila Ch.
Budiman.
Socialization through wires, either those of the Internet or
the telephone, is not enough. The relationship should be
continued on a more down-to-earth basis, Leila added.
The point was being made very clear here that online chatting
should not always be taken seriously. Such communication should
be complemented with real interaction.
Chatting, however, has become a need for many. They can spend
hours chatting, not only at home but also in the office or at the
Internet cafes, a business which is now booming in the big
cities. You do not have to buy special software. This facility is
offered by many newly launched local portals - for free.
Previously, chatter had to download the facility from Microsoft
or Netscape or from overseas portals.
Entering the chat-room, you can become anyone you want because
you can use an alias and hide your identity. If you are shy, you
are able to become outspoken in this cyberworld. On the other
hand, if you are normally rude, you can try to act like a very
polite person for a change.
Businessman Herry Simanjuntak, a regular chatter, admitted
that chatline aficionados can perform as they like and talk as
they wish.
"It depends on ourselves, our maturity in responding. From the
beginning, I have regarded the chatting arena as a place where we
can communicate effectively, I can use it to develop my business
by getting more friends and more inspiration to improve my
potential," he said.
Herry, a father of three children who resides in Pamulang, a
suburb south of Jakarta, is probably one of the few who gets a
benefit from his hobby. He has just decided to engage in an
Internet business venture with fellow chatters whom he met in the
chat-room.
Recently Herry and his fellow chatters, whom he often met at
one local portal, Astaga!.com, held a "real" meeting.
"Such a meeting will encourage chatters to be honest during
our chat time. Those who attended the meeting are people who
really want to develop themselves, to find serious friends or
those who are just curious. But, as a result, we will be more
careful in talking the next time in the chat-room," he said.
Herry, who began using the Internet a year ago, spends at
least Rp 1.5 million for the telephone bill as he chats for hours
every night.
According to Harry, creating a virtual personality is not
offensive although it has no practical use. "You will just waste
your time. So be yourself and it's safe."
He strongly believes that "netiquette" is definitely needed
even though he acknowledged that not all people abide by this
convention.
A chat-room in Satunet.com warns its visitors by giving advise
and rules on chatting before the chatters enter the chat-room.
"No color, no flooding, no repeating, no harassing, no
profanities and no offensive actions on this channel."
The rules are quite clear but most of the time the chatters
ignore them so that it is possible for any words and images to
pop up in the chat-room.
Chatter F. Siswadi, a student living in the Netherlands,
admitted that he often just sends bad words to the chat-room when
he is in a bad mood or feels bored.
"Why not, it's just a way to get some fun. Nobody will know us
and it's too bad that some portals in Indonesia, which provide
chat facilities, do not also equip themselves with software to
recognize our IP address," he said in an e-mailed interview.
Before the Internet boom hit the country, he spent most of his
time, after surfing the Internet, in chatting through some famous
portals like yahoo.com or aol.com.
"They have a type of software that recognizes us. If I enter
with one nick and reenter the room with a different nick after
being kicked out for sending the "F" word, I will be rejected.
That's the cost," he said.
Now he sits for hours chatting through local portals after
checking out what is going on in Indonesia. Two or three chatters
have become his close friends.
"If I return to Indonesia, I plan to meet them. They're really
nice...of course after a series of tests with e-mail and real
mail," he said.
Thanty TY, a college graduate, admitted that she was also
addicted to online chatting. She spends at least two hours per
day in front of the computer monitor just for chatting and, as
she has no computer at home, she has to go to an Internet cafe,
locally dubbed a warnet (Warung Internet).
She admitted that once she met a man who sounded nice in the
chat-room. They talked on the phone and made a date. But the
relationship did not last long as she found out that he was
different from what she had expected.
She learned that one could be a slightly or even totally
different personality in the chat-room.
"In my case, I'd rather be myself as I use my real nickname if
I enter a chat-room, unlike others who pick different names."
She said that now she did not expect anything from other
chatters. If she felt she wanted to continue on to real
interaction, she would rather adopt a neutral attitude and not
try to imagine what this friend would look like or whether she or
he would be as nice as in the chat room.
Yet she admitted that it is still possible to find an intimate
friend in the chatroom.
"Who knows, but I also want to make it real by communicating
by telephone or going out together," she explained.
Another chatter, Antok, was once disappointed when he was
about to meet a friend whom he knew from the chat-room.
"We wanted to catch a movie and so we met at a mall. He was
not as much fun as in the chat-room," he said.
Antok, working at for a private television in its IT
department, has all the time in the world to surf the Internet
from his desk top. He can spend up to six hours chatting during
his spare time.