Instilling a love of humor in family life

Instilling a love of humor in family life

By Soekanto S.A.

BOGOR, West Java (JP): "You know Ade Rai, Mom? The strong man?
Do you know who can beat him?" five-year-old Sammy, who had just
got home from his kindergarten, asked gleefully.

"No. Who?" answers his mother, remembering the Indonesian
bodybuilder with all those muscles who grabbed a gold medal at
the recent SEA Games in Jakarta, and who eats at least 40 eggs a
day.

"Abang Rai," Sammy shrieks before dissolving in laughter.

Mom joins in, thinking, "Isn't he clever. Playing with words?"

Ade in Indonesian, or adik, means little brother, whereas
Abang is big brother. If Little Brother Rai is that big, then Big
Brother Rai must be even bigger and able to defeat the
bodybuilder.

Sammy often comes home from school with jokes that he hears
from or creates with his friends. And his parents encourage him.
Often, in the evenings Sammy, his four sisters and their parents
turn off the TV and cuddle up together in order to trade jokes.

Sometimes they joke about people, animals or situations; at
other times they ridicule each other and themselves. But more
importantly is a feeling of warmth that stems from the evenings,
and the opportunity to build the children's sense of humor.

In his book The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children (Simon &
Schuster, 1994), Steven W. Vannoy places a sense of humor in an
equally important position in one's life as self-esteem,
compassion, integrity and responsibility.

"Ah, the gift of humor. Not teasing, not taunting someone
because they're different or less powerful, but a genuine
expression of joy at the pleasures and ironies and foibles of
life," he says.

Without a sense of humor, life can be colorless and a burden.
"With it, we enjoy the process of living," he says. "We have more
joy to share with others.

"Kids who grow up without a sense of humor live perpetually in
a state of fear and defensiveness. Their self-esteem collapses in
their fear of being wrong," he says.

Most parents understand that people with a strong sense of
humor usually display joy, trust and are pleasant to be with.
People with a sense of humor understand that making a mistake is
not fatal, and they need just to get up and try again.

Most parents also realize that this is something that should
be passed on to their children, though not many understand just
how to do it.

Humor is a form of creativity, according to child psychology
expert Elizabeth B. Hurlock in her book Child Development
(McGraw-Hill, 1978). It is as important to healthy child
development as dramatic play, constructive play, imaginary
companions, daydreaming, storytelling, and even white lies.

Humor has two aspects: the ability to perceive the comic and
the ability to produce it. Both aspects can add to social
acceptance because they help to create the impression that one is
fun to be with and is a good sport.

Some forms of humor can be produced only by persons with a
high level of intelligence, but most of the forms of humor that
have great appeal to children can be created by anyone of normal
or even slightly below normal intelligence.

What's important is that one needs divergent thinking, which
enables the producer of humor to perceive new ways to combine
previously learned material into patterns that others will regard
as humorous. They do not require the production of completely new
material.

Motivation

Why does Sammy crack jokes? Why do we do it at the office, at
parties, or any other gathering?

Hurlock says that children who want to be socially acceptable
-- especially if their acceptance is marginal -- have a strong
motivation to learn to produce humor as an aid to achieve this
goal.

They are (and so are we, often) willing to spend time and
energy discovering what makes people laugh and creating humor
that will win others' approval.

Children who are able to make others laugh will develop self-
confidence and self-assurance. On the surface, one might
conclude, that humor production is an aid to personal adjustment.

Is this enough? It is an aid certainly but not everything.

Parents need to learn that by encouraging children to develop
this form of creativity may lead to unfavorable social reactions
that will counteract the aid it might be to personal adjustment.

For instance, children who keep their classmates laughing by
"clowning", for instance, may soon discover that they are
regarded as pests.

Likewise, if children learn and try to use off-color jokes,
they risk causing embarrassment to and disdain from those who
hear them. In the end, the children lose an opportunity to obtain
high regard from those who hear the jokes.

Hurlock advises against forms of humor that lead to
unfavorable social reactions.

Any humor that causes annoyance or interference with what
others want to do will lead to social judgments that the creator
of the humor is a nuisance.

Also, humor that embarrasses or humiliates another person,
especially when the person is unable to retaliate, is still
regarded as poor sportsmanship.

Finally, humor that is repeated without enough variation to
give it a touch of originality will lead others to think that the
humorist is not very original or funny at all.

The writer has 15 grandchildren and has written more than 20
books, some humorous, for children.