Indonesian dads get no appreciation

"Dad, what do you want me to buy you for Father's Day?" asked Herry, Pak (Mr.) Zul's oldest son, all the way from another continent.

Pak Zul was speechless, unable to give an answer. As far as he knew, there was only Mother's Day, Children's Day and No-Tobacco Day. He had never heard of Father's Day.

"June 16 is celebrated around the world as Father's Day," Herry explained impatiently.

"Who celebrates it?" asked Pak Zul absentmindedly.

He is not alone in his confusion. In Indonesia, there is no such thing as Father's Day. Gender-wise, during the year, we celebrate three days dedicated to women: Kartini Day in April, International Mother's Day in May and Mother's Day in December. No day is celebrated as far as fathers are concerned.

"Fathers in Indonesia are the real endangered species," commented Lukman, my fellow teacher.

He has good reason to say so. His family is not a happy one. He works himself to the bone to make ends meet. After regular working hours, he gives private lessons to high-school students. But his beautiful wife was not satisfied.

She needed extra money to buy cosmetics and accessories to make her look "normal" like those women she sees on TV. A couple of months ago, the young lady ran off with another man, leaving Lukman a single parent. Now he has to take care of two children and at the same time earn a living.

In commemoration of International Mother's Day last May, the institution where I teach conducted a postcard-designing competition. And did we get responses! Hundreds of young students competed to win the grand prize, a box of chocolates.

The cards came in a wide variety of designs, expressing the participants' respect to the women who had "brought" them into this wonderful world, taking the role of the fathers for granted.

The contents of the cards ranged from something simple, like "You are the greatest Mom in the world", to bombastic prose expressing dedication to mothers.

Following this success, we conducted a similar competition to commemorate International Father's Day. In order to attract participants, Achmad personally spent his own money to provide the grand prize, a cell phone!

Unfortunately, when the deadline came, all we received were two cards, both from boys.

And the messages were so simple. One card said, "My father is a good man" and the other said "Dad, I love you for your kindness to Mom".

"This is not fair," said Harry. "Fathers are usually the breadwinners of the family. Fathers patch the leaking roofs, repair their children's bicycles and protect families from threats. While all the mothers do is watch sinetron (Indonesian soap operas) all day!"

"Have you ever heard of a father who died delivering a baby?" snapped Nita, another fellow teacher. "Mothers risk their lives to give birth to babies. And to raise them is no piece of cake. Surely they deserve some kind of appreciation?"

"How about those fathers who risk their lives to put food on the table? At least one night-time taxi driver is killed or tortured by robbers every month. And how many fathers have been lost at sea when earning a living? Not to mention those who get killed in military operations."

The heated argument could go on forever, but the belief that mothers deserve extra love and care as "weak" creatures is undeniable. It has been taught to us since day one.

Listen to our national anthem. Every year, in commemoration of Independence Day, we renew our vows to, "stand right there/to be the guardian of our mother". Every time a student is asked what their main duty is, the most likely answer will be "to help my mother".

Anything good is dedicated to mothers. The phrases "Mother Nature" and "Mother Earth" are only some examples. A computer designer even dedicated his (her?) invention to a mother and put "motherboard" among the parts of the sophisticated thing.

Where the hell are the Indonesian fathers?

Apparently, masculinity has put them in a place where a token of appreciation comes differently. Fathers are praised, but not in the form of pompous expression. Surely they need something such as a Father's Day to look forward to?

So, back to Pak Zul. When his son insisted on buying him something for International Father's Day, he finally decided on something.

"OK, son. Buy me a couple of the latest CDs of Ricky Martin. You know how much your Mom loves that singer."

Now, here we go again!

-- Carl Chairul