In memory of Mrs. Tien

Wise men say a wife is not only a husband's companion, a friend in joy and sorrow, nor only a mother of one's children. She is also the pillar of the family and a source of love and kindness. Many believe that the late Mrs. Tien Soeharto, who passed away yesterday because of a heart attack, was more than that.

She was Indonesia's first lady for almost three decades, and the wife of Bapak Soeharto for almost 50 years. Through those long years, she was not only her husband's companion and a mother of six children who kindled the warmth of love and kindness within her family. She also served her country, both in her capacity as an individual and as a first lady.

The thousands of mourners who thronged President Soeharto's residence in Jl. Cendana yesterday, and the tens of thousands of people who lined Jakarta's streets as the hearse carrying her earthly remains moved toward Halim Perdanakusumah Airport, showed how popular she was.

At Halim, a plane awaited to take her remains on to Surakarta (Solo), where hundreds of thousands more people tried to catch a glimpse of her coffin.

In the current paternalistic Indonesian society, people always need someone to play the role of Bapak, who acts as the head of the family by giving guidance and advice, and who helps to settle the rifts among his many children, and takes care of the well- being of the whole family. And at his side, there should be an Ibu who, besides taking care of the welfare of the household, should also take care of those who are sick, poor, disabled and weak, and take everyone who needs it under her protective wing.

Mrs. Tien seemed to understand her role very well. She was very busy in scores of social activities. She helped to build orphanages, hospitals and houses for the poor. And she always found time to accompany President Soeharto on almost every occasion, most notably his regular temu wicara meetings with the common people. Her presence gave these popular events the air of a household meeting.

She also seemed to sincerely implement the role of a wife, or garwa, in the Javanese language, which is popularly understood to mean sigaring nyawa (half of the soul).

Of late, television viewers could see how Mrs. Tien became increasingly fragile and exhausted-looking, even though she always tried to keep smiling and look cheerful. She seemed to be aware that as the mother of the nation she had to maintain her position, no matter how poor her health might be.

In a way, Mrs. Tien's position was very unique. While she played her role as the nation's first lady, she came to be known as the one and only confidant of President Soeharto. Being a very closed person, President Soeharto is said to only be willing to hear Mrs. Tien's suggestions.

The loss of Mrs. Tien not only means a great blow to her husband and family, but also a great loss to the nation.

Inna lillahi wa inna Ilaihi roji'un (To Allah we belong, and to Him we return). May God Almighty grant her a place by His side.