I will be late today, you too

I will be late today, you too

JAKARTA (JP): What is the one most important car accessory
that most car owners would in order to make their cars run
smoothly? I must say that it is the road. Of course you need the
road for your car to run on, unless you have the same type car as
mine, which only needs a garage driveway because that is as far
as it goes before it breaks down.

Unfortunately, the road has became more and more rare these
days; there are already so many cars, it seems there is barely
room for another. This is apparent when you are stuck in a
traffic jam driving to your office, jammed in five lanes of cars
with less mobility than your house. This can be a big problem for
you, especially if you are late for a scheduled office meeting.

Furthermore, the fact is that all five lanes of motionless
automobiles are actually jammed on a two-lane street. But that is
usual, right? That morning traffic jam is a common scene that we
see everyday in Jakarta, right? Wrong! That morning traffic jam
is actually the evening traffic jam from the night before. The
cars have not moved from since then. Sometimes, in front of the
line, one still can see a family from Majapahit Empire, still
trying to get to Puncak-Bogor for the weekend.

Besides losing time, many unpleasant and unpredictable things
can occur when you are stuck in a traffic jam. One evening, stuck
in a traffic jam on Jl. Hayam Wuruk, you decide to pass the time
as pleasantly as possible. So you loosen up your tie, play your
U2 Compact Disc, and lower the temperature level of your AC. Then
the unsuspected happens, you hear a Vengaboys' song in your car.
The good news is that there is nothing wrong with your CD and
your taste in music. The bad news is that the song is coming from
the car 10 meters behind you. It has a sound system big enough to
make Sony Corp. regret they ever produced sound systems for cars.

You can not escape from that car and avoid the song. There is
only alternative left, you blast your sound system to the same
level as the car behind. That, of course, causes the car 10
meters in front to do the same, and so does the car 10 meters in
front of that car, and so on. Before you know it, a laser beam is
launched from Mars to destroy the Earth because the Martians
think that we are a noisy neighbor.

Okay, I admit I am over exaggerating. There are only a few
drivers who play their music so loud. The rest are too busy
listening to music from street singers, whose singing capability
is the same as Elton John's when he has a squirrel in his throat.

But you must listen to them anyway, because sometimes, using
their artistic talents, they can creatively change a song's
lyrics, like -- Hey Jude, don't make it bad/ We only scratch your
car if you don't give me money/

That is why most Jakarta drivers will do anything to avoid
being stuck in those traffic jams, like going to work as early as
possible, when the street is almost empty, like at 5 a.m. or in
1873.

Lucky for us, there are some radio stations in Jakarta
broadcast information to their listeners about which streets have
traffic problems. They tell us at 6 p.m. that Jl. Sudirman is
full with cars and the only sign of movement on that street is
the movement of trees growing. Thank goodness they give us that
information, otherwise how could we possibly know about it. In
fact there is more than a slim chance that Jl. Sudirman will have
another traffic jam today. It's only happened everyday at that
hour for the last 10 years.

Surprisingly, it has happened again, but fortunately, the
radio stations are there to inform us of the situation. Then we
can officially slap our dashboard and shout "Darn!", even though
we have been stuck for an hour, watching other drivers awaiting
the same announcement.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, the cause of this problem is
that there are too few roads for too many cars. The car
manufacturers keep selling cars without selling roads at the same
time. And why are they not bothered by the traffic jam? Because
they have invented a machine that can transport the
molecules of their bodies through the open air. They keep that
machine only for themselves for as long as they still can sell
their cars. I know this is true, because I have seen this machine
on every episode of Star Trek.

I think now is the time to stop them. This is the time to do
something about the madness on the street. Let's say straight to
their faces that we have had enough cars for our few streets, and
I ask all of you to take severe action toward them, unless of
course they are willing to share some of their company's profits.

No, seriously, we should do something about it. That is why I
come up with this proposition -- each year, car manufacturers
should be required to build roads, the length to be determined by
the number of cars they have sold the previous year. That way,
every car that is bought will not increase the car density on the
road because there will be more roads built.

You might worry that the car manufacturers would pass the cost
of the road building to their customers, through price increases
for the cars. No, I will not let that happen, because I will also
propose another law that will require car manufacturers reduce
the cost of their cars by not including a car sound system.
Instead, the sound system will be replaced with a small aperture
that enables the driver to clearly hear the music and the lyrics
of the street singers.

I would make a written proposal and send it to our legislative
assembly, but unfortunately, with this traffic jam, I will never
be able to get there on time.

-- E. Effendy