I will be late today, you too

JAKARTA (JP): What is the one most important car accessory that most car owners would in order to make their cars run smoothly? I must say that it is the road. Of course you need the road for your car to run on, unless you have the same type car as mine, which only needs a garage driveway because that is as far as it goes before it breaks down.

Unfortunately, the road has became more and more rare these days; there are already so many cars, it seems there is barely room for another. This is apparent when you are stuck in a traffic jam driving to your office, jammed in five lanes of cars with less mobility than your house. This can be a big problem for you, especially if you are late for a scheduled office meeting.

Furthermore, the fact is that all five lanes of motionless automobiles are actually jammed on a two-lane street. But that is usual, right? That morning traffic jam is a common scene that we see everyday in Jakarta, right? Wrong! That morning traffic jam is actually the evening traffic jam from the night before. The cars have not moved from since then. Sometimes, in front of the line, one still can see a family from Majapahit Empire, still trying to get to Puncak-Bogor for the weekend.

Besides losing time, many unpleasant and unpredictable things can occur when you are stuck in a traffic jam. One evening, stuck in a traffic jam on Jl. Hayam Wuruk, you decide to pass the time as pleasantly as possible. So you loosen up your tie, play your U2 Compact Disc, and lower the temperature level of your AC. Then the unsuspected happens, you hear a Vengaboys' song in your car. The good news is that there is nothing wrong with your CD and your taste in music. The bad news is that the song is coming from the car 10 meters behind you. It has a sound system big enough to make Sony Corp. regret they ever produced sound systems for cars.

You can not escape from that car and avoid the song. There is only alternative left, you blast your sound system to the same level as the car behind. That, of course, causes the car 10 meters in front to do the same, and so does the car 10 meters in front of that car, and so on. Before you know it, a laser beam is launched from Mars to destroy the Earth because the Martians think that we are a noisy neighbor.

Okay, I admit I am over exaggerating. There are only a few drivers who play their music so loud. The rest are too busy listening to music from street singers, whose singing capability is the same as Elton John's when he has a squirrel in his throat.

But you must listen to them anyway, because sometimes, using their artistic talents, they can creatively change a song's lyrics, like -- Hey Jude, don't make it bad/ We only scratch your car if you don't give me money/

That is why most Jakarta drivers will do anything to avoid being stuck in those traffic jams, like going to work as early as possible, when the street is almost empty, like at 5 a.m. or in 1873.

Lucky for us, there are some radio stations in Jakarta broadcast information to their listeners about which streets have traffic problems. They tell us at 6 p.m. that Jl. Sudirman is full with cars and the only sign of movement on that street is the movement of trees growing. Thank goodness they give us that information, otherwise how could we possibly know about it. In fact there is more than a slim chance that Jl. Sudirman will have another traffic jam today. It's only happened everyday at that hour for the last 10 years.

Surprisingly, it has happened again, but fortunately, the radio stations are there to inform us of the situation. Then we can officially slap our dashboard and shout "Darn!", even though we have been stuck for an hour, watching other drivers awaiting the same announcement.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, the cause of this problem is that there are too few roads for too many cars. The car manufacturers keep selling cars without selling roads at the same time. And why are they not bothered by the traffic jam? Because they have invented a machine that can transport the molecules of their bodies through the open air. They keep that machine only for themselves for as long as they still can sell their cars. I know this is true, because I have seen this machine on every episode of Star Trek.

I think now is the time to stop them. This is the time to do something about the madness on the street. Let's say straight to their faces that we have had enough cars for our few streets, and I ask all of you to take severe action toward them, unless of course they are willing to share some of their company's profits.

No, seriously, we should do something about it. That is why I come up with this proposition -- each year, car manufacturers should be required to build roads, the length to be determined by the number of cars they have sold the previous year. That way, every car that is bought will not increase the car density on the road because there will be more roads built.

You might worry that the car manufacturers would pass the cost of the road building to their customers, through price increases for the cars. No, I will not let that happen, because I will also propose another law that will require car manufacturers reduce the cost of their cars by not including a car sound system. Instead, the sound system will be replaced with a small aperture that enables the driver to clearly hear the music and the lyrics of the street singers.

I would make a written proposal and send it to our legislative assembly, but unfortunately, with this traffic jam, I will never be able to get there on time.

-- E. Effendy