Human touch: The missing language

By Yohana Susanto

JAKARTA (JP): When we first come into this world, the only language we can comprehend is touch. It is said that touch is so vital that new moms and dads have been bombarded with the importance of having hands-on contact with their babies.

Loving, caressing and mothering babies is absolutely necessary for their survival.

In 1915, Dr. Henry Dwight Chapin reported that in orphanages throughout the U.S. where babies were given adequate nourishment and cleanliness, nearly every infant under two years old died. The mortality rate was almost 100 percent.

He had discovered the policy at the time was "no coddling". The babies died from lack of touch. Nowadays, courses in infant massage are very popular, filled with concerned parents who want to make sure that their babies do not merely survive but grow and thrive.

The human touch is the only language that babies can recognize as a sign of love and security.

As we grow older, society forces us to keep our distance from the touch of other human beings. At some stage in primary school, children start to avoid being kissed by their parents in front of their peers, even if it is only a goodbye peck on the forehead.

Society continuously puts us at a distance from being touched by other humans. Especially as adults in the business world, where technology has become an integral part of our lives, combined with the strenuous reminder of the somewhat overblown buzz phrase, sexual harassment, the basic language of human touch is being abandoned.

We feel uncomfortable when someone shakes our hand a second too long or when our colleague gives us a hug for our birthday.

Nowadays, business professionals rely more and more on verbal communications, even though they acknowledge that the concept of business communications consist of both verbal and nonverbal communications.

Verbal communications are composed of listening, speaking, reading and writing. From the beginning of our lives, we learn first to listen, then to speak, to read and finally to write. In school, we are taught writing skills the most, followed by reading, speaking and listening skills, at the very least.

In life, however, out of the four components of verbal communications, a study shows that we use 45 percent of our time for listening, 30 percent for speaking, 16 percent for reading and only 9 percent for writing. Thus, business executives are often reminded that one of the most important skills they need to sharpen is the listening skill.

We are required to be both an active listener and an analytical listener. Always remember that listening is the better half of a conversation.

So, being an active listener is an important element to ensure a successful business conversation.

Saying and doing something during a conversation shows that you are paying attention and responding. Allow the talker to finish his/her talk.

Then, say "I agree" or "I also have the same experience" and then give the talker your opinion or ask a question or two.

In business conversations, we also have to give support. Do not merely say "I agree" but rather give supporting sentences, supporting facts or complementing ideas. Most importantly, an active listener should be able to expand a conversation and direct it to the desired track. Do not let others derail you from the desired topic of discussion.

Charles F. Kettering, the inventor of the first electrical ignition and self-starter for automobile engines, once said "We can communicate an idea around the world in 70 seconds, but it takes years for an idea to get through 1/4 inch of human skull."

This statement is very close with what we often experience in the business world. This is the time when we realize that verbal communications are just not enough.

In communications, a study indicates that the words chosen only have 7 percent influence on the grasp of given information. How we communicate, such as tone of voice, loudness and rate of speech, gives 38 percent influence. The remaining 55 percent is influenced by nonverbal communications that include sign language, object language and action language. Thus, it is very important for business executives to not only master verbal communication skills but also nonverbal communication.

An example of sign language usage is the sign use for hitchhiking. Object language includes not only the way we dress but also our overall appearance. The most important nonverbal language is the action language. Action language includes the way we walk, the way we nod and the way we pat someone on the back.

Action language is closely related to the basic language that we were once so familiar with, the human touch.

As professionals, we are becoming more rigid and are starting to lose our sensory being. The professional world, with its high stress factors and high demanding situations, should be more easily overcome with the power of human touch. As children, when we come home crying in pain, it is a parent's touch that seems to heal every wound. It is with touch that we flourish to be the person we are today. Why can't we now rely on our coworkers or friends to give that feeling of comfort when we are stressed out or overwhelmed, not with words but with action.

A touch conveys more than just "it's ok, we'll find another way". It is more than that, it gives the encouragement of "Don't worry, it's only a little setback, it's not your fault, we can handle this together."

A touch takes away the "blame sense" when you are down, a touch makes you part of a team even after you fail. Encouragement, comfort, support, sympathy and congratulations put into action, will be far more meaningful than any material offering and words.

After all, don't we all still have a little child inside?

The writer is general manager of The Jakarta Consulting Group.