Human touch: The missing language

Human touch: The missing language

By Yohana Susanto

JAKARTA (JP): When we first come into this world, the only
language we can comprehend is touch. It is said that touch is so
vital that new moms and dads have been bombarded with the
importance of having hands-on contact with their babies.

Loving, caressing and mothering babies is absolutely necessary
for their survival.

In 1915, Dr. Henry Dwight Chapin reported that in orphanages
throughout the U.S. where babies were given adequate nourishment
and cleanliness, nearly every infant under two years old died.
The mortality rate was almost 100 percent.

He had discovered the policy at the time was "no coddling".
The babies died from lack of touch. Nowadays, courses in infant
massage are very popular, filled with concerned parents who want
to make sure that their babies do not merely survive but grow and
thrive.

The human touch is the only language that babies can recognize
as a sign of love and security.

As we grow older, society forces us to keep our distance from
the touch of other human beings. At some stage in primary school,
children start to avoid being kissed by their parents in front of
their peers, even if it is only a goodbye peck on the forehead.

Society continuously puts us at a distance from being touched
by other humans. Especially as adults in the business world,
where technology has become an integral part of our lives,
combined with the strenuous reminder of the somewhat overblown
buzz phrase, sexual harassment, the basic language of human touch
is being abandoned.

We feel uncomfortable when someone shakes our hand a second
too long or when our colleague gives us a hug for our birthday.

Nowadays, business professionals rely more and more on verbal
communications, even though they acknowledge that the concept of
business communications consist of both verbal and nonverbal
communications.

Verbal communications are composed of listening, speaking,
reading and writing. From the beginning of our lives, we learn
first to listen, then to speak, to read and finally to write. In
school, we are taught writing skills the most, followed by
reading, speaking and listening skills, at the very least.

In life, however, out of the four components of verbal
communications, a study shows that we use 45 percent of our time
for listening, 30 percent for speaking, 16 percent for reading
and only 9 percent for writing. Thus, business executives are
often reminded that one of the most important skills they need to
sharpen is the listening skill.

We are required to be both an active listener and an
analytical listener. Always remember that listening is the better
half of a conversation.

So, being an active listener is an important element to ensure
a successful business conversation.

Saying and doing something during a conversation shows that
you are paying attention and responding. Allow the talker to
finish his/her talk.

Then, say "I agree" or "I also have the same experience" and
then give the talker your opinion or ask a question or two.

In business conversations, we also have to give support. Do
not merely say "I agree" but rather give supporting sentences,
supporting facts or complementing ideas. Most importantly, an
active listener should be able to expand a conversation and
direct it to the desired track. Do not let others derail you from
the desired topic of discussion.

Charles F. Kettering, the inventor of the first electrical
ignition and self-starter for automobile engines, once said "We
can communicate an idea around the world in 70 seconds, but it
takes years for an idea to get through 1/4 inch of human skull."

This statement is very close with what we often experience in
the business world. This is the time when we realize that verbal
communications are just not enough.

In communications, a study indicates that the words chosen
only have 7 percent influence on the grasp of given information.
How we communicate, such as tone of voice, loudness and rate of
speech, gives 38 percent influence. The remaining 55 percent is
influenced by nonverbal communications that include sign
language, object language and action language. Thus, it is very
important for business executives to not only master verbal
communication skills but also nonverbal communication.

An example of sign language usage is the sign use for
hitchhiking. Object language includes not only the way we dress
but also our overall appearance. The most important nonverbal
language is the action language. Action language includes the way
we walk, the way we nod and the way we pat someone on the back.

Action language is closely related to the basic language that
we were once so familiar with, the human touch.

As professionals, we are becoming more rigid and are starting
to lose our sensory being. The professional world, with its high
stress factors and high demanding situations, should be more
easily overcome with the power of human touch. As children, when
we come home crying in pain, it is a parent's touch that seems to
heal every wound. It is with touch that we flourish to be the
person we are today. Why can't we now rely on our coworkers or
friends to give that feeling of comfort when we are stressed out
or overwhelmed, not with words but with action.

A touch conveys more than just "it's ok, we'll find another
way". It is more than that, it gives the encouragement of "Don't
worry, it's only a little setback, it's not your fault, we can
handle this together."

A touch takes away the "blame sense" when you are down, a
touch makes you part of a team even after you fail.
Encouragement, comfort, support, sympathy and congratulations put
into action, will be far more meaningful than any material
offering and words.

After all, don't we all still have a little child inside?

The writer is general manager of The Jakarta Consulting Group.