How to overcome children's school phobia
Dr. Donya Betancourt, Pediatrist, Sanur, Bali
School phobia is a problem encountered by many parents. It is a term used to describe a situation where a child is reluctant to go to school.
Refusal to go to school is most common in the period from preschool through to second grade. In most cases, school phobia is a symptom of an educational, social or emotional problem.
A child with school phobia develops a pattern of predictable behavior. At first, he may begin the day complaining that he feels too sick to go to school; with a headache, sore throat, stomach ache or other symptoms.
After parents agree that he can stay home, he begins to feel better although his symptoms often do not completely disappear.
The next morning, the symptoms are back with full intensity.
Refusal to go to school may begin as a result of any of the following stressors, which can be looked at within three areas.
1. Problem in the family
- Separation anxiety (being afraid to be away from parents). This may be caused due to some time in the past where there has been an unhappy separation such as the child or parent being in hospital.
- Fear of losing a parent. The child may think something bad will happen to his parents. This could be due to a parent being ill, (this sometimes happens after the parent gets better), marriage problems, fighting or parents separating.
- Fear that a parent might leave while the child is at school or parents being unreliable about when they pick children up after school. Children feel they have been forgotten.
- Moving house in the early primary years when the child does not fully understand distance.
- Jealousy if there is a younger brother or sister at home. The child may think the mother is doing all sorts of good things with the younger child while he is at school.
2. Problems at school which could be: being bullied, not having friends, feeling lost at school, learning difficulties and not getting along with his teacher.
3. The child himself; learning problems and stress over tests.
What you can do is try to deal with the cause if you can work out what it is from the above possible causes of stress. You can try some other approaches, depending on the cause.
You need to believe that your child will get over the problem and you should let your child know that you believe in him.
- Listen to your child and encourage him to tell you about his feelings and fears.
- Let him know that you can understand how he feels. For example if you find out that he has been bullied say, "That feels really scary to me."
Do not make fun of his feelings and do not tell him that big boys are not scared -- everyone is afraid sometimes. If you do not understand, your child will find it hard to tell you when he is worried.
- Check what is happening at school with the teacher.
- Make sure your child knows that you will always come back -- tell him over and over again if you need to.
- Tell your child you will be doing something boring at home while he is at school.
- Be reliable and on time when picking up children after school. Have an alternative plan for times (which do not happen often) when you might be late.
- Sometimes it is helpful if the child says good-bye to you at home and a friend's parent takes him to school.
- Sometimes parents can help in the library or elsewhere in the school so the child knows you are near until he feels safe.
- Give the child as much control over the problem as you can. Ask him what he thinks will help and then try that.
In the long term children usually do well, they get back to school and do not have any after effects. The short-term problems are about missing schoolwork and not having the chance to enjoy playing with friends.