Homecoming

Homecoming

By Dewi Rubiyanti

I want to leave Jakarta immediately, return to my village on the north coast of Central Java.

I am in trouble because I lost my job. The bank where I used to work was liquidated. I am not lamenting my fate, though. I am still single and have some money -- eight digits -- in my savings account.

If I return to my village, I might not come back to Jakarta. I simply want to live in the village with my parents and siblings. I believe a farmer's life is more peaceful than that of an urbanite. Now I realize that being employed in a city -- in a bank or in another company -- one may suddenly lose one's job because the country's economy may be hit by turmoil, as has been the case lately.

"When will you return to the village," asked Rini. We had just had our breakfast and were relaxing in the living room. Rini and I come from the same village. She was staying with me in this rented house. She seemed happy and contented. She earns a living as a prostitute. Lately, she has been spending her nights in hotels, sleeping with men troubled by the monetary turmoil. She said many man were sleeping with prostitutes just to relieve their stress.

"I'll go back home three days from now," I replied. "Are you coming home, too?"

"Not this year. I just don't want to miss this golden opportunity, you know. Many men have asked me to sleep with them."

I could understand her reasoning. She was eager to earn money. Her parents and siblings back home still lived a poor life. She was very eager to raise their standard of living. Three months ago, she sent a lot of money to her family in the village for the construction of a two-story house. She said only 70 percent of the house had been built.

"Aren't you interested in earning a lot of money before you return to the village," she asked me in a doubtful tone.

"Is there really a job for me here," I asked back.

"Many, if you are ready for them."

"What kind of jobs?"

"Oh, come on. I know you will just shake your head."

"Don't tease me, Rin. You know I am unemployed now."

Rini looked at me sharply. "You're pretty. You're a virgin. You can get a lot of money fast."

"You mean ... ?"

"You can just sell your virginity. Just a drop of blood and you can get millions of rupiah in return!"

I sniffed. Her words muddled my head. I am a virgin. I also need a lot of money to take home. My house back home is badly in need of repair. Do I have to sell my virginity to get a lot of money in a short time?

"If I were you, I would sell my virginity. In this modern age, a girl does not need to give her virginity to her husband on their wedding night because it seems to be sheer nonsense for a bachelor not to have any sexual experience before he gets married," Rini said firmly.

I was speechless in my confusion.

"If you are willing to sell your virginity, I can find a gentleman who is interested in buying it. He is willing to pay you a lot of money, perhaps ten million rupiah."

"Who is this man?" I asked. Suddenly I wanted to find out what kind of man was willing to pay so much money for the virginity of a girl. "Where the hell will he get the money?"

"He is a very wealthy businessman. Her wife disappoints him in bed. He never enjoyed her virginity because his wife was not a virgin on their first night. He does not want to marry another woman because all her children are grown up and successful. He has often dated me. He is a faithful customer. If it's OK with you, we can see him today."

"Will I get pregnant?" I asked.

Rini laughed heartily. "You are innocent. Your fear is something from the past, you know?"

I suddenly felt so foolish in her eyes.

"If you are afraid of getting pregnant, take a contraceptive shot before you date this man."

"What about AIDS?"

Rini laughed again. "It's only superstition, you know. Just think of it as a horror story. Fiction. Look at me, I am still in good health although I have had sex with hundreds of men."

I was still confused. I tried to imagine my future after my return to the village. Perhaps I would marry a young man from the village. If my husband found out I was no longer a virgin, perhaps he would forgive me because he knows that I spent time living in Jakarta. Or, perhaps, he won't even care because virginity is something of the past, something that isn't important today.

"Don't waste your body, Non," Rini said persuasively.

"I don't want to commit a sin," I said, still confused.

"You can always repent."

I became more confused. Five years earlier, I had come to Jakarta in order to work at a private bank and I vowed I would save myself for my future husband. I had once dated a man seriously and refused the temptation to sleep with him, although he left me as a result. I have decided to return to my village and live there the rest of my life. Do I have to sell my body after five years in Jakarta? Must I sell my body just because I lost my job at the bank?

"You should thank God you can sell your body at a very high price. Many girls have surrendered their bodies to their boyfriends and got nothing in return. Many of them have been disappointed when the boyfriends suddenly threw them to the side," Rini said, never stopping in her attempts to persuade me.

"I'm really afraid, Rin."

Rini kept on urging me. Ignoring my confusion and my fear, she took me to a doctor for a contraceptive shot. Then she took the initiative to set up a meeting between me and the man who was ready to pay me Rp 10 million rupiah.

In a room at a five-star hotel, I got the ten million rupiah from the wealth gentleman and he got my virginity.

Back home at my rented house, I burst out crying.

"Cry as long as you please. I did the same when I first had sex with a man in a hotel room."

"I want to go back to the village today, Rin!"

Rini laughed. "You are indeed innocent, Non! You have ten million rupiah and this is only the first opportunity. Many other opportunities await. Why should you miss them?"

"I don't want to be a whore," I shouted, still sobbing.

Rini's laughter because louder and louder."You are now, Non! If you had gone home earlier, you would have missed all this money. This wealthy gentleman would like to have a date with you again. He would even like to give you a two-story house in Jakarta. He told me he was very satisfied with you."

I have become a prostitute? Oh, God forgive me, I shouted in my heart. Again, I burst into tears.

"Don't be sad, you're not alone. Remember how many whores are wealthy today. They just sell their bodies," Rin tried to comfort me.

I kept on crying. All day long I cried. The next day I packed my things. I would go home and never return to Jakarta. I want to repent!

Rini was obviously disappointed. Yet, she managed a smile and took me to the bus terminal.

***

I arrived in my village late in the afternoon. I cried. My parents and my siblings also cried. They must have been saddened by the liquidation of the bank I worked for.

The next day, I took my mom to shop in the market. I wanted to have a thanksgiving party and invite our neighbors and relatives.

"Rice is very expensive now," mother said on our way to the morning market. We took a horse-drawn buggy.

"Many people have to eat sego aking because they can no longer afford to buy rice," mother continued, her face reflecting a deep sorrow.

I looked at the rice fields on both sides of the road. They were already tilled but the farmers could not grow rice because there had not been enough rain. I also looked at the teak and silk-cotton trees. Their branches were visible through the threadbare leaves.

On both sides of the road, I could see many nice looking two- story houses. These are the houses of the village women who have successfully sold their bodies in Jakarta and other large cities. I saw the two-story house belonging to the financially independent Rini.

Suddenly, the memory of being with the wealthy man in the hotel room returned to my mind. He had taken my virginity. My eyes welled up with tears.

"When will you have a house built just like the one belonging to Rini," the buggy driver asked me all of a sudden and quite unexpectedly.

I said nothing.

Mom answered. "She has just lost her job. The bank she worked for was closed down by the government."

The driver simply nodded his head. "So, in Jakarta you worked in a bank. I thought you were like Rini."

"She does not want to be a whore," Mom said curtly.

"Now that she lot her job, does she plan to stay in the village all her life," the driver asked.

"I don't know. Just ask her," Mom said.

I was still tongue-tied. Suddenly I became worried. If Rini comes home, perhaps she will tell people that I once sold my body in Jakarta, just before I left. She may have put me in a corner so that I have no other choice but return to Jakarta and become a prostitute. She is the only one in the village that knows my disgraceful secret.

The buggy arrived at the market. Mom and I bought what we needed for the thanksgiving party.

That night, the party was held at my parents' house. All the neighbors and relatives were present. They were very happy when I said I would like to buy a plot of land and that I would have a kindergarten built on it. I also told them that I would teach in the kindergarten.

Suddenly, however, Rini turned up at my house. She whispered in my ear: "You had better return to Jakarta with me tomorrow. Many people in this village know that you sold your virginity."

Jepara, 1999

Translated by Lie Hua

Glossary: sega aking : dried leftover rice