Hired hands are a handful, but I need them all the same

The post-fasting month holiday of Idul Fitri is getting near and I'll be honest with you: I dread it.

Aside from the annual grilling from relatives during family gatherings -- "Are you still working odd hours?" "What's your job, anyway?" "Do you have a boyfriend?" "When are you getting married?" "You've gained some weight!" "You've lost some weight!" -- the thought of spending the holidays without domestic help is quite stressful.

Even more anxiety-inducing is having to think up ways to search their luggage for any stolen goods before they leave for their villages, without insulting them and hurting their feelings.

Not to mention the possibility that they won't keep their promise to come back to work on the purported date, or keep their promise to come back to work, ever.

Indonesians, including me, are a pampered lot, where cheap labor affords us the luxury of hired help. There are maids, nannies, drivers, cooks at our beck and call, and one doesn't have to earn zillions to employ any of them.

They are very aware of the big demand for their services, and that they can get away with many things because of it, thus creating a love-hate relationship with their employers.

Gone are the days of the honest, dutiful help who, with time, became part of the family. Instead, we are dealing with individuals, with their own demands and desires, who constantly test our patience.

For instance, they only give very short notice (several hours or one day at best) when they quit or want to go home to their village. Some just pack their bags and go, leaving their employers the headache of finding a replacement in a jiffy.

Most never tell the truth when they want to quit, using the excuse that they need to go home to visit a sick relative; several days later, you notice them watering the plants in your neighbor's front yard. Aaah, maid poaching. Only in Indonesia, folks.

I lost a pair of earrings several months ago and we were pretty sure one of the maids stole them (my father doesn't wear jewelry and my mother doesn't have a criminal record, so they were ruled out as suspects).

But my parents just brushed off the incident because they did not want to fire any of them, lest we have to do the chores ourselves. Of course, to them, the idea of living in the same house with a petty thief is a less frightening proposition.

Most people would say keeping precious items at home is like asking for it, so you had better keep those family heirlooms in a bank safe deposit box.

But my family once employed a maid who stole practically anything that interested her, from books to lipsticks. The cleaning lady at my college bedsit stole underwear and shirts. And they were not even expensive panties!

So do we have to keep those everyday items in a safe deposit box, too? Another option is to stow them away in a safe hiding place in the house. But there is no such thing as a safe hiding place. They have plenty of time, hours in every single day, to unearth them!

Put the baubles in a drawer and lock 'em up, you say? A locked drawer is practically screaming "I have valuables inside!", which further intrigues potential thieves. You can't win.

You want to lock the phone (to stop them calling friends long distance, or those premium numbers), yet you want them to have easy access to you if an emergency occurs.

And they always manage to find out your home number even when they never ask you for it. At first you don't mind. But if you happen to employ a "popular" maid, you have to deal with incessant phone calls from pals and admirers.

In my experience, I could not rely on them to keep the house safe, either. My home was once burgled in broad daylight because one of the maids let in a complete stranger who promptly whipped out a gun. But apparently being held at gunpoint and then tied up with phone wires did not leave a lasting impression, because a few months after that they almost let in another stranger to the house.

I don't need this, I thought. People in other countries manage fine without them!

But then, while breaking my back cleaning, washing, ironing and cooking, I promptly went into denial. Maybe this time it'll be different! Maybe this time they'll be reliable!

So like all those other city dwellers too lazy to do household chores before me, I admit defeat. I need them.

-- Krabbe K. Piting