Hello? Customer service, anybody there?
JAKARTA (JP): Do you believe in customer service? Sounds like a silly question, but do you? I don't. I think customer service is a mythical being in Indonesia, as mythical as Hercules or Xena.
Whatever embellishment you put behind the word "customer" -- whether customer support, customer service or whatever -- the customer forever stands alone. This is especially apparent when they are on the other end of the phone line.
Businesses usually have their trumpeted customer service. But have you actually tried calling one? You'll be lucky if you get anything other than the busy tone. Sometimes there is this recording -- which actually sounds pretty nice -- saying "Thank you for calling, please wait for one of our customer service representatives to serve you".
Then you hear a piped-in message, usually a musical ditty. This recording goes on and on. You get the picture: if a company doesn't have enough money to make a recording, they'll simply hire a couple of people to pick up the ringing phone without actually answering it.
I remember calling a magazine subscription company about my billing. Someone answered and I explained my problem. He listened attentively (at least I want to think he listened attentively) before saying, "I'll put you through to billings -- cue the music -- I'm sorry, billing is on-line, I'll put you through to the subscription department -- music again -- I'm sorry they're on- line too, do you want to hold?"
Customer service might just be a conspiracy between the company and the phone company to keep the customer on-line as long as possible. Phone calls are more expensive during working hours. Since the only time you can call is working hours, the more time you spend on the phone, the more you'll be paying to the phone company.
It doesn't even work with those toll-free numbers. I called a number once and guess what I got? The screeching tone from a fax machine.
But the most bizarre phone call to customer service so far is transcribed below:
(phone rings, somebody picks it up)
Customer: Hello?
(Dead silence)
Customer: Hello?
Voice : Where's the dial tone?
Customer: Hello? Customer service?
Voice : Oh, it's a call... (hangs up)
Customer: @!???
If you can't as much get hold of the customer service staff, how can you expect to get your problems solved?
Another problem with customer service is the fast food delivery service. Apparently fast food delivery services are not as fast as the name implies.
One weekend, nobody in my family felt like cooking, but we didn't feel like eating out, either. So we decided to call one of the delivery services of a worldwide fast food chain that had just opened in our town, and whose outlet just happened to be a few blocks away from our house.
I called at 8:30 p.m. and spoke to a cheerful employee. I placed my order and gave the guy my address and phone number.
Time went by, but there was no sign of food. We told ourselves that perhaps they were busy, after all it was the end of the week. An hour later I called again to see how my fried chicken was going. The guy who answered couldn't even find my order.
"Hey did anyone see an order for Ms. ---- here?" he shouted over the din. Perhaps they stuffed my order in one of their burgers, I thought.
After a considerable amount of time searching, he finally found the paper. "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but we're out of the special chicken you wanted, would you take regular?"
"Whatever," I said, "just make it quick." I hung up the phone.
More time passed. By 10:30 p.m. we decided to find sustenance in our instant noodle supply. Our stomachs full, we headed to bed.
At 11 p.m. we were awakened by the phone ringing. "I'm calling about your order, exactly where is your house, Ma'am?"
Do you believe in customer service? If you do, clap your hands. Who knows, if we clap hard enough, it might just decide to come out of its mythical world.
-- Laila F. Faisal