Greetings people: How we hail and flay others in words

By Pavan Kapoor

JAKARTA (JP): The world is becoming a small place with modern discoveries such as the Internet and supersonic jets enabling humankind to communicate with people at the other end of the globe at a "faster-than-thought" speed. The world is meeting together internationally; it is not odd to see an Asian executive come up with a very western injector or likewise for a westerner to be adept at using chopsticks.

Jakarta is again becoming the nucleus of yet another influx of expatriates -- the good ol' days seem to be coming back. Peoples and faces of different cultures are once again seen mingling with Indonesians in zestful numbers.

Having a diverse set of people coming from different backgrounds is an incentive for the ever curious to delve beyond the common knowledge that Indian women wear saris and the Japanese wear kimonos, even beyond the fact that one eats chappatis and the other sushi. Even as the colors of the flags vary, traditions, mannerisms and the verbal lingo diverge. Here is a close look at various salutatory and even nonsalutatory dialogs that differ from region to region.

Every nation has it's own distinct method of salutation. In Southern Africa it is customary to rub toes; in most other cultures, it would be an offense and demand an instant apology. In Lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours. The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very low. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation. They ride at a gallop toward a stranger, as though to unhorse him, and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol above the person's head.

The Egyptian asks you: "How do you perspire?"

The Frenchman bows and inquires, "How do you carry yourself?"

The Indian says "Kya haal chaal Hai?" which means "How is your state and your walk?"

While salutations enjoy a wide spectrum of somewhat jocular origins so does the art of partaking of rudimentary jargon (and sometimes the lack of it) in people of various cultures.

The other day a friend recounted how he overheard two polite Japanese talking in rapid Japanese suddenly use the English word "jerk" now and then. The friend could not help but butt in and inquire if jerk was a Japanese word. They obligingly replied that there was no such word in Japanese -- they have to use jerk for a jerk. One would come to the conclusion that there are no jerks in Japan, but it is just that the Japanese language is evidently not made for sniping at people.

It seems that when there is an accident in Japan the two respective drivers charge out of their car seats, face each and say a phrase which means (literally), "I'm so sorry". As my observations of world profanity go, I think there is no language so ill-suited to invective as Japanese.

Take the vicious insult, kisama, which means "your honorable self"!

The Chinese language, on the other hand, is a great one for excoriating people, and it includes such impolite articulations such as wangbadan or turtle's egg. The Chinese understanding of zoology is that the mother turtle is always fooling around, so this is a way of insulting another by raising the maternity issue.

There seems to be an issue, which exists in the Indonesian language as well. A common arsenal hurled in disgust refers to the excrement of a cat. This is rather strange in a land where the local reflexology/massage masters consider the urine of a cat to have medicinal qualities.

Japanese shares with English, French and German an epithet that means excrement and it is used in the same angry insulting manner. Surprisingly this exclamation of disgust is missing from the Chinese lingo. Perhaps the answer lies in countryside of China where traditionally nothing is more valuable than the very same. Chinese do not denounce each other as excrement because in the countryside it might have been considered a compliment.

Likewise, the next time someone calls you tuzaizi it is a terrible insult, but take heart because it means a baby bunny rabbit.

It is strange and confusing in this fusion of people to know when some is really contemptuous of you. Some take a safe route -- just like this wallflower who was asked by a boy if she was a somnambulist. She slapped him just to be on the safe side.

Well, how safe can one get when someone shoots a pistol over your head and it is a complimentary salutation, but when someone calls you "baby bunny rabbits" it is supposed to be in contempt.