Greatest handicap: Self-pity

God has bestowed so many things upon us. He has strewn a path with roses for everyone. Yet most of us enter into the valley of self-pity thus making our lives change for the worse. "The mass of men," the American philosopher Henry Thoreau said, "lead lives of quiet desperation".

Self-pity changes the quick-witted man into a dull-headed man. Even a sagacious person falls prey to this and acts like a tomfool. It is a disease which creeps up on us slowly like cancer. More and more people are now in the cold hands of self- pity which if not cured at the beginning will cause a certain death.

The more the mind becomes noisy with thoughts of self-pity then our lives become more miserable. It is a powerful obstacle to the growth and progress of a person.

Neena often complains that she works a lot both in the office and at home. I often wonder for whom she is cooking or for whom she is working. Is she cooking for her neighbors or does she spend her earnings for others? But yet she emphasizes that she works from morning till evening. This is nothing but a verbalization of self-pity.

Some people feel sorry for themselves because they feel their parents hadn't taken good care of them and their wishes were not fulfilled during childhood. As soon as they get a job they purchase expensive shirts or T-shirts or mobile phones etc. They tend to forget two things. One thing they fail to remember is that their parents are their visible God. They probably know what is good and bad for us. The other thing is they spend money beyond their capacity thereby damaging their life.

Self-pity leads to frustration. When you start to be frustrated then you're making your own abyss. Desire for sympathy and lack of energy are the root of all misery. Both the mind and thoughts should be synthesized while we work. When they are fragmented then unnecessary hassles and non-assertive behavior take over. The more the mind becomes affected by self-pity the more we incur a serious loss. Try to avoid it.

When you start pitying yourself then remember you're standing on a razor's edge. Move yourself away from it. Some people confuse self-analysis with self-pity. Well to me self-analysis provides impetus and self-pity is an obstacle. A jackass's shoe and a mare's shoe might look alike, but aren't they different?

UMA RAMAKRISHNAN

Jakarta