Glitzy Cafe Wien's appeal is mere style over sustenance

Exquisite theme cafes are all the rage these days, so forgive Epicurus for scampering off to Plaza Senayan in Central Jakarta again. For whatever it's worth, there's no denying that the capital's burgeoning middle class is deep in a love affair with cafes. It's almost like a symbol of social insurrection that warrants further unraveling.

Cafe Wien's theme is obvious -- Austrian cuisine with an Indonesian twist. Occupying the fourth floor rotunda of Jakarta's most luminous shopping mall, this is currently the "in" place. But, in eschewing competition from the mall's other glitzy cafes with better coffees (and invariably better food), it artfully shows how an eatery can rely on a gracious atmosphere alone.

The decor is tailor-made for all manner of cosmopolites and socialites -- abundant, yet not obsessive. Laid out with perfectionist conviction, it strikes a delicate balance of art deco murals, vaulted ceilings, sumptuous fabrics, blonde wood parquet floors, bold-colored carpets, stained glass decorations, frilly drapes and an eclectic mix of marbled dining tables, upholstered wooden chairs and plush lounge sofas.

Eight towering lampposts perched atop the gilt edge of the stairs -- meeting in a perfect circle against the lush backdrop of artificial palm trees -- seem less a statement of grandeur than an effective interior whimsy. Add live classical music, a vintage view of Jl. Asia Afrika and two beautifully-illuminated bars, and you can understand where the attraction lies.

Indeed, the number of beautiful people in sight was enough to make Epicurus' jaw drop. Wafting through the salon-like establishment like runway models, the ubiquitous cell phone in hand, they represent a glamorous affirmation of the cosmopolitan present. And they keep pouring in -- either to "see" or "be seen" -- and nine out of 10 they are having fun.

Granted, it is a wonderfully intimate respite from over-the- top designer joints that seem to bog down Jakarta's "eatertainment" scene these days. Understated affluence is the order of the day, not dishes that require taste rather than mere appetite. Come to think of it, appetite isn't even in the equation. But beauty is.

Batty as this may sound, I was so disappointed by the food and the service that having a sign that said "Soft Opening: Sorry for the inconvenience caused by the service" (or some such line) on my table seemed a lame excuse for slow managerial upgrading. It almost showed little good will.

But let's start with the better points (as it got progressively worse). My Wiener Suppentopf (consomme with beef, chicken, vegetables, noodles and shitake mushrooms) was tasty and refined, with just the right amount of saltiness. I even saw a toddler relishing it without as much as a single complaint. My partner's choice of Gulaschsuppe (goulash soup) was also a flavorful tongue-teaser. Though not as hearty as the Hungarian version, it did sufficient justice to its international reputation with its generous helping of beef and potatoes.

My second dish was Champignon Gebacken (deep fried forest mushrooms with tartar sauce), another famous Viennese appetizer. Quantitatively speaking, the portion was truly Austrian (read: big) and the tartar sauce was quite excellent, not the heavy mayonnaise type that makes you want to throw up after two or three dips. But the batter-coated mushrooms were much too dry for my liking.

Although not all tastebuds can cope with sourness, I found the Cafe's signature juice, a superb blend of apple, pear, raspberry and guava, a refreshing choice.

But edible starters and sultry beverages do not compensate for unsavory main courses, especially ones that purport to be the establishment's signature dishes. For one, Tafelspitz has long been one of my favorite European dishes. Particular to Austria, this light but satisfying dish of boiled rump garnished with chives and apple sauce, horseradish and roasted potatoes is supposed to be served in thin but plentiful slices, not in unappetizingly huge slabs. Worse, the meat was so tough that after a while I just had to stop eating for my teeth's sake.

So discouraged was my partner that he reneged on that other famous Austrian speciality Wiener Schnitzel (breaded fried U.S. veal served with salad and parsley potatoes). Half-heartedly, he scanned the menu again and found culinary sorties to more familiar territories. The mere idea of ordering such dishes in a place bearing the name "Cafe Wien" was so insulting that he didn't have much choice but to resort to dessert.

And boy, what a range. Aside from standard favorites such as Tiramisu and butter cakes, there were the strudels, of course -- thinly-rolled pastry with such delectable fillings as chopped apples, cinnamon and breadcrumbs (Apfelstrudel), and sugar and sour cream (sweet cheese strudel). Then there were the Viennese tortes, the most famous of which is the Sacher Torte (chocolate cake with apricot jam, chocolate icing and whipped cream).

Vouching for eclecticism, I went for the Tape Roulade, whose savory tang unfortunately didn't match its dry and rubbery texture. My partner's bet on authenticity was also thwarted in pretty much the same way my Tafelspitz did to me -- his Sacher Torte was a far cry from the glorious ones I've savored in Austria, be it on the idyllic mountains of Tyrol or in Vienna itself.

Our refreshing Wiener Eiskaffee (Vienesse creamy iced coffee) did very little to lessen our woes, simply because coffee isn't supposed to be a buffer to airplane-like desserts. Yet coffee is perhaps your best overall bet as it is the only thing they seem to know how to make.

However, given that service is pretty much hit-or-miss, it might take you a long time to get your coffee. And by that time, for Rp 80,000 (US$32.60) for two, you'll know what you are essentially paying for. It's certainly not the food.

-- Epicurus