For the hottest gossip, press one!
JAKARTA (JP): Answering machines, though a decade late, are taking Indonesia by storm! Now you have to get used to talking to the machines. Don't be surprised if you call a friend you haven't seen for ages and have to listen to this awkward voice: Hi, gorgeous, I'm not available at the moment. Leave your name and phone number, your job, and how much you are willing to spend after the tone... Beep!.
It will take a while until you fully understand the recorded information and find out what business your friend is now in. But never mind. This is the modern age, and everybody has every right to choose how to run his or her life.
Answering machines were originally invented to help people receive important messages in their absence. But now they are used for various kinds of services. Banks have integrated them in computerized systems to provide better service for their customers. Now you can even do your banking in the middle of the night, thanks to the inventors of answering machines.
Answering machines make business a lot easier. Calling the Jakarta Post, nowadays, you won't hear the voice of the lady operator. Instead, you'll be directed by a recorded voice: "Thank you for calling The Jakarta Post. Please dial the extension you require or wait a few seconds and our operator will help you".
But, just like mobile phones, answering machines have become a status symbol. People install the machines, not only to get things done, but also to show others that they "know" about them. Some people switch on their answering machines even when they are only a few inches from their phones!
One of my friends, a female employer, has gone even further! She decided that having an answering machine was more convenient than having a secretary who always interfered with her personal business. She fired her secretary and installed an answering machine to do the job. And listen to what the machine says:
* If you're a business associate, press one
* If you're a friend, press two
* If you're an employee, press three
* If you're a relative, press four.
Suppose you're one of her friends and you press two. You will be presented with a further menu:
* For the hottest gossip, press one
* For lunch, press two
* For a date, press three.
This "menu" goes on and on until you eventually reach her, in person, only to be told that she is in a meeting and that you should call again later. What a drag!
A neighbor of mine called her youngest brother recently and was incensed to find herself spoken to by a recorded voice. She has never entertained the idea of talking to any kind of machine. She yelled angrily into the phone receiver: "I need to talk to something that breaths!" Then she slammed down the hand piece.
Miraculously, a few minutes later her brother called back. Unfortunately, my neighbor had gone out, but her son had turned on her answering machine with his "secret" message: "Hi girls! The hottest boy in town is engaged. You'll have to wait in line. Leave your name and phone number after the tone... Beep!".
-- Carl Chairul