For some, polygamy may be an option

For some, polygamy may be an option

Indra Harsaputra, The Jakarta Post, Surabaya

A weekly magazine on polygamy, Poligami, was once in circulation
in the East Java capital of Surabaya and surrounding areas from
2000 to 2002. The contents of the magazine included tips on how
to establish a successful polygamous family, a list of women who
sought to become second wives and a list of men who were seeking
partners for polygamy.

Some submitted pseudonyms and their personal phone numbers,
while others printed their real names and photographs.

The magazine was published and printed by Sahabat Printers, a
company owned by Palil Abdul Hadi -- a Surabaya community figure
and active polygamist -- and had a weekly circulation of 4,000 to
5,000 copies.

The publication caused a public uproar, from religious leaders
to women's rights activists. Financial difficulties caused the
magazine to close with its fourth edition in 2002.

A few months later, Palil started another weekly magazine,
Zamrud, in which four to six pages were especially dedicated to
polygamy issues. Its circulation was double that of Poligami.
Palil believed the increased popularity indicated that the number
of polygamous couples in Surabaya had also increased. However,
the lack of ad placements again forced the magazine to fold.

Despite the magazines' closure, Palil still receives many
letters and telephone calls from men seeking more wives. Such men
usually send in their curriculum vitae and data on their
professional career, personal wealth and marriage status, and a
description of qualities and traits desired in their prospective
polygamous partner(s).

Letters and calls not only come in from Surabaya, but also
from Jakarta, Kalimantan and other areas in Indonesia. Many of
them were reportedly high-ranking government officials.

Palil's name appeared in the masthead of both magazines as
patron, and as such, he is still trusted as a champion of
polygamy in Surabaya, a man who is always eager to help those who
intend to practice polygamy.

"I would act as a mediator for both sides. I would sort
letters and calls, and when terms and conditions met, I would put
them in touch with the women," he said.

Meanwhile, a man must be economically sound and wealthy in
order to support more than one wife.

"So, from matchmaking to marriage, we are the ones who arrange
it. I don't receive any payment, because my aim is only to help
those who wish to have a polygamous family," he said.

Polygamy -- or polygyny -- permitted under Islam, is regulated
by Marriage Law No. 1/1974. The law lists four conditions under
which a man may practice polygamy: he must have the full
acceptance of taking on an additional wife from his existing wife
or wives; he must have sufficient funds to provide equally for
his wives and collective offspring; he must be fair to all his
wives and children; and his existing wife is unable to fulfill
her husband sexually, is permanently handicapped and/or is unable
to carry children.

The law does not directly address women's rights in polygyny,
and entirely excludes any mention of polyandry.

It is common knowledge that quite a number of people --
including prominent public figures, such as incumbent Vice
President Hamzah Haz -- practice polygamy in Indonesia. Some are
relatively successful in maintaining a pious and happy family.

One such family is that of Puspo Wardoyo, owner of the Wong
Solo restaurant franchise. While his business has become
successful and his fame has grown, his wives have contributed to
expanding the restaurant business -- and not a word has been
heard of any disputes between them.

Palil confessed that he had decided to have more than one wife
to fulfill his physiological needs. Rather than engaging in
illicit and immoral extramarital sex, it was better to marry for
a second time, he said.

His polygamous intention was criticized by his wife and his
entire family. Cholilah, then his only wife, did not agree
initially, because having more than one wife would tarnish the
image of women, but also the family's reputation. Besides, she
had said, no woman would be willing to be a "co-wife".

Eventually, Cholilah came around to the idea and, after giving
him her blessing, Palil married Sri Nurhadah. Several years
later, he took Wahyuningsih as his third wife.

"My wives are very compatible, like sisters. They have never
fought," he said. He also claimed to treat his wives and eight
children equally well.

He said many wives meant many blessings from God. If the three
wives had a harmonious relationship, this would mean more
blessings in the fruits of teamwork. "I am a civil servant, but I
have three printing companies. I even manage a tourist park in
Surabaya," he said, and that his wives helped in his businesses.

Of course, Palil's personal success cannot be used as a
standard for all polygamous families in Indonesia.

For example, Agus (an alias), a former bank employee, has not
been able to maintain harmony in his polygamous family.

Agus' wish to take on a second wife was much opposed by his
family, but eventually he married a much younger woman. "No one
wants to be a second wife. It's painful, mentally and
physically," he confessed.

The situation has affected his relationship with his children,
as it was hard to treat children and wives all equally, he said.

Budi (alias), one of his children, said separately that he was
more open with and felt closer to his mother, Sandra (alias) --
Agus' first wife -- and felt sorry for her, as she had to work to
make ends meet.

Sandra said she now lived in a separate residence, but she had
not divorced because it was against her religion. She said Agus
came home periodically to see their four children, but complained
that he did not provide enough money to support her and their
four children, who were mostly teenagers.

"Now, we live in a rented house and we have sold many of our
belongings to survive, while my husband spends more time with his
second wife," she said.