First world appearance, Third World mentality

First world appearance, Third World mentality

Marina Mahathir
The Star
Asia News Network
Selangor, Malaysia

We pride ourselves on many things, we Malaysians. And well we
should, because we just have to travel to some other developing
countries to realize how advanced and easy life is in ours. We
have just about everything here.

We have good roads, most people have been educated (even as
the education system needs reviewing), we can easily go see a
doctor whenever we need to (though sometimes it can be expensive)
and we have a lot of leisure activities to partake in (even
though most don't require us to do much more than sit down).

We are very First World in many ways. But it's one thing to be
ahead in appearances, yet another to be developed mentally.

Take that oft-quoted Malaysian irritation, our driving. Is it
me or are our roads getting more anarchic by the day? Is going
through red lights, driving while sms-ing and changing lanes
without signaling now socially acceptable? Or throwing rubbish
out of the car?

Recently, I saw a car stop just after a toll booth, the
occupants open their boot and blithely throw their junk at the
side of the road. I am half-inclined to put a megaphone in my car
just so that I can shout at such people: "Shame on you!" But
then, considering they were doing it in full view of hundreds of
other drivers, they probably have no sense of shame at all.

Or that other bugbear: Ignoring RSVPs. As anyone who's ever
organized an event or wedding knows, Malaysians don't RSVP. Or
they won't until the last minute. Or they will say they're not
coming only to change their minds at the eleventh hour.

This causes enormous headaches for the hosts. And here's
another rule: The more important you are, the more likely you are
to ignore RSVPs. You think that if you decide to just show up,
perhaps because you can't find a golf partner on that day, or you
just realized that you might be missing the event of the year,
then the hosts will smilingly accommodate you.

I once organized a private family anniversary party where
three uninvited guests showed up. It was a small party with
limited seats and it was hell trying to re-arrange everything so
that these guests could join in. But they were simply so
unembarrassed to show up, because they were so sure that they
were too important to be turned away. I've never been able to
look at them with much respect since.

Another major irritation is the way we sometimes show so
little respect to guests. While we can be extravagantly
hospitable, we do have some odd habits. One is talking away while
someone is giving a speech or performing some music. The person
giving the speech or performing isn't deaf and can certainly hear
the buzz of conversation from the audience.

Only just recently a renowned jazz pianist had to endure
playing to an audience that pretty much ignored her and chatted
away regardless. Small wonder she finished her set quickly and
walked off the stage.

Mind you, this type of rudeness is not limited to those in
front of the stage. I was once making a speech and the VIP
onstage with me carried on a loud conversation with the person
next to her, oblivious to the fact that the entire audience could
see what she was doing. I guess it never occurred to them that
anyone would ever treat them with the same disrespect because
they are, after all, VIPs.

But the thing is, does becoming a VIP mean you can abandon all
courtesy to those supposedly below you? Surely that only reflects
on you and your upbringing. Winning elections obviously doesn't
necessarily bestow class.

How do we expect our young people to behave with respect to
others when their leaders don't? Go into any store and how many
salespeople actually greet you with a smile, attend to your
queries or say thank you after you've purchased anything? But
then, whom would they learn that from?

We get disrespect from many of our leaders when we so much as
query what they are doing, so that only sets the tone for our
young. If questioned, just give some glib answer and carry on as
if the questioner is a little irritating fly.

We will never be developed until we learn to respect other
people regardless of station and until we become more considerate
of others. We have to learn to think of others before ourselves,
to put ourselves in other people's shoes and learn to empathize.

We might complain about the so-called decadence of the
developed world but then they have more facilities for the
disabled and those who are needy than we do.