Fat or thin: Does it really matter?

Fat or thin: Does it really matter?

Dewi Santoso, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta

It was Sunday afternoon and I was sitting in a cafe at a mall in
Central Jakarta when I heard a disturbing voice.

"Gosh, look at that fat woman! What does she eat?"

I frowned and turned around to find out who was speaking. I
was curious about who could be that ruthless -- malicious -- to
say such a mean thing out loud.

It turned out that it came from the mouth of a young woman,
about 17 or 18 years old, of slight build. Well, at least to me,
she looked horrifyingly thin.

What I didn't -- and still don't -- understand was how could
an otherwise pretty teenager say such a thing. What right did she
have to comment on the woman in such a cruel way? Who gave her
the right to judge?

She, of course, is not alone. Many of us let go with some
nasty comments when we see those who do not live up to the
physical ideal -- thin, tall and beautiful or handsome. And fat
people make for easy targets.

Once, my family was having a reunion dinner and,
just like in the movies, the ever-present nosy aunt came along.
In the middle of things, she suddenly screamed at one of my
cousins, "Oh my God! How fat you've become."

My 15-year-old cousin was overweight, true, but that did not
give my aunt the right to point out the obvious, humiliating her
in front of her family. Was she presenting a danger to society
through her bulk? Why not take out a big ad for good measure and
spread the word?

She obviously did not care that nobody wants to be overweight,
whether the cause is overeating or a medical condition, and that
it is a struggle for them in facing a world where fat people are
the perennial objects of ridicule.

She surely didn't realize that there are many vulnerable
overweight teenagers out there who will try almost anything they
can -- even if it means putting their health at risk -- just to
lose weight.

When I was in college, one of my friends, Denny, died because
of heart and kidney failure, due to the diet pills that he took
for six months.

Denny told me once that he took the pills because, "I'm sick
and tired of being called names. Once I'm thin, they will no
longer call me fatty or jumbo or whatever."

"To hell with them!," I told him. "You don't have to be thin.
Just be who you are."

But facing the taunts was too much for him. He continued to
take the pills and died two months later. He was only 20 years
old.

And as much as I try to forgive those who called Denny names,
I can't. I don't think I ever will -- for what they did caused me
to lose one of my best friends.

I just cannot understand how vicious people can be toward
others who are different, just like that girl in the restaurant
to a woman she did not know.

I think they need to ask themselves: "What would I do if I
were in their shoes? How would I feel if someone called me
"Fatso" or "Jumbo"?

Then, hopefully, they will have some idea of how hurtful their
comments are and keep their mouths shut.