Fat or thin: Does it really matter?

Dewi Santoso, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta

It was Sunday afternoon and I was sitting in a cafe at a mall in Central Jakarta when I heard a disturbing voice.

"Gosh, look at that fat woman! What does she eat?"

I frowned and turned around to find out who was speaking. I was curious about who could be that ruthless -- malicious -- to say such a mean thing out loud.

It turned out that it came from the mouth of a young woman, about 17 or 18 years old, of slight build. Well, at least to me, she looked horrifyingly thin.

What I didn't -- and still don't -- understand was how could an otherwise pretty teenager say such a thing. What right did she have to comment on the woman in such a cruel way? Who gave her the right to judge?

She, of course, is not alone. Many of us let go with some nasty comments when we see those who do not live up to the physical ideal -- thin, tall and beautiful or handsome. And fat people make for easy targets.

Once, my family was having a reunion dinner and, just like in the movies, the ever-present nosy aunt came along. In the middle of things, she suddenly screamed at one of my cousins, "Oh my God! How fat you've become."

My 15-year-old cousin was overweight, true, but that did not give my aunt the right to point out the obvious, humiliating her in front of her family. Was she presenting a danger to society through her bulk? Why not take out a big ad for good measure and spread the word?

She obviously did not care that nobody wants to be overweight, whether the cause is overeating or a medical condition, and that it is a struggle for them in facing a world where fat people are the perennial objects of ridicule.

She surely didn't realize that there are many vulnerable overweight teenagers out there who will try almost anything they can -- even if it means putting their health at risk -- just to lose weight.

When I was in college, one of my friends, Denny, died because of heart and kidney failure, due to the diet pills that he took for six months.

Denny told me once that he took the pills because, "I'm sick and tired of being called names. Once I'm thin, they will no longer call me fatty or jumbo or whatever."

"To hell with them!," I told him. "You don't have to be thin. Just be who you are."

But facing the taunts was too much for him. He continued to take the pills and died two months later. He was only 20 years old.

And as much as I try to forgive those who called Denny names, I can't. I don't think I ever will -- for what they did caused me to lose one of my best friends.

I just cannot understand how vicious people can be toward others who are different, just like that girl in the restaurant to a woman she did not know.

I think they need to ask themselves: "What would I do if I were in their shoes? How would I feel if someone called me "Fatso" or "Jumbo"?

Then, hopefully, they will have some idea of how hurtful their comments are and keep their mouths shut.