Expert says females key to curbing premarital sex

By Thalia Kamarga

JAKARTA (JP): Is it true that females hold the key to preventing premarital sex?

Handrawan Nadesul, one of the speakers at a discussion about Today's Art of Loving Among Teenagers, is of the opinion that females have more control about how much sex enters into the dating game.

The discussion, held by the Student Forum of Discussion of Atmajaya Catholic University on Friday, was basically presented to educate young people about sex and all of its consequences.

Of the 386 invitations sent to 60 schools and the university's students, 250 got responses, with the chairs at the gathering mostly occupied by teenage girls.

The other speakers were Johan Suban Tukan, an activist of the Komisi Kehidupan Jakarta of the Keuskupan Agung religious body, and Susan Bachtiar, a model who is also an eighth-semester student at Atmajaya University.

Handrawan, who offered a biological point of view, explained that sex is an expression triggered by hormones in the human body. Once a person reaches puberty, which normally starts at between 12 and 14 years of age, the hormones, testosterone for the male and estrogen for the female, start to work. The result is growing breasts, fuller hips and menstruation for girls, voice changing, beard and muscle growing for boys.

Other than a changed physical appearance, these hormones also create sexual instincts, resulting in attraction to the opposite sex and, of course, sexual desire between males and females, Handrawan said.

Because the accepted age for marriage is now around 27 years old, teenagers have to wait for about 13 years, while "the sexual hormones in the their body cannot be turned on and off at will," Handrawan said.

Dating

He also said that the earlier one starts dating, the faster the biological function becomes mature. Unfortunately, the emotional structure of young people does not mature as fast as their sexual functions. That is why the occurrence of premarital sex and abortion has been rising in big cities like Jakarta this past couple of years, he said.

Susan Bachtiar, who spoke from a teenagers' point of view, quoted the surprising fact gleaned through surveys by several magazines in Jakarta, that 75 percent of the teenagers in Jakarta have practiced premarital sex.

What should be done to reduce this number? According to Handrawan, teenagers have to realize that the purpose of a relationship is to build a strong foundation for marriage and, ideally, sex should be one of the last aspects to be considered.

However, teenagers are sometimes so busy thinking about the dating process that they forget the purpose of dating is to build relationships. In this case, premarital sex is bound to happen very easily.

Unfortunately, females face greater risk and consequences in premarital sex. Once a girl is engaged in sexual intercourse, the physical mark remains, while, for the male, there are no physical marks. Not to mention the risk of pregnancy, which is the biggest risk for an unmarried couple, especially the female.

Because females are the ones who will face greater risk in the case of premarital sex, the key to avoiding the risk is also in the female's hand, Handrawan said.

According to Handrawan, the sex drives of males and females vary. Generally, the male is more active and aggressive, and the female is more static and passive.

As an illustration, Handrawan said that sex is not much different from driving a car. As a driver, a male likes to step on the gas pedal, but is usually slow in stepping on the brake. A female, on the other hand, does not like stepping on the gas pedal too much and is more likely to have a good reflex on the brake pedal. Therefore, females are more likely to be able to prevent accidents. Similarly, they are more likely to have the most control in avoiding sex before marriage.

However, Handrawan reminded the audience that when a car is traveling at more than 100 kilometers per hour, even a female usually fails to step on the brake in time. There are limits that should not be passed even by the female.

When someone in the audience asked how to avoid premarital sex, Johan Suban Tukan said that reading good books about life, or watching high quality movies is actually a terrific way, because sexual desire comes from the inside, while sports or other physical activities come from the outside. Books and movies influence people from the inside, he explained.

Another reminder given in the discussion was on the danger of sexually-transmitted diseases, such as gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, Hepatitis B and AIDS. Some of the diseases -- Hepatitis B, AIDS and gonorrhea -- can be transmitted even if penetration does not occur.

Handrawan concluded that it is better not to think about sex while dating, because that is not the purpose of developing a relationship.