Expanding horizons is a lifetime process

Pri Notowidigdo, The Amrop Hever Group, Global Executive Search, (e-mail:jakarta@amrophever.com)

I had the privilege of spending time with Aki Ucup recently. He stayed with my family in our home for about a week and rekindled those things in life that bring meaning and fulfillment.

Born in West Java as Yusuf Kartadikusuma 78 years ago, he is a brother of my wife's grandmother. His warm smile and kind eyes prompted us to call him Aki Ucup. I had the honor of first meeting him 15 years ago and have gotten to know him over the years during his regular visits to Indonesia.

Aki Ucup's love for and connection to Indonesia has passed on to his children and grandchildren. In fact, during his recent visit to Indonesia, he was accompanied by Frederika, his 12-year old granddaughter.

Aki Ucup's life took a radical turn when he fell in love with Mariana. She was a Swedish woman he had met, ironically, in Beijing on an overseas posting. The meeting of hearts led to a marriage that grew over the past 49 years. Despite Aki Ucup's decision to reside permanently in Sweden, he still has deep roots in Indonesia and has made many visits here.

On this occasion, he had initially planned to visit Indonesia alone to rekindle relationships and to perhaps seek reaffirmation of those values, feelings, and experiences that have shaped him into the person he has become today It brought to mind a man on a pilgrimage as he traveled from afar to find spiritual fulfillment.

If I look at Aki Ucup, what lessons can I learn, as somebody 23 years younger? Can I not say that growing old brings another season of life? Many people seem to view aging as a fearful event and find ways to stay and look young. Don't we have the opportunity of finding new ways to grow old gracefully? As in every stage of life, it seems that what happens to us as we age matters less than how we respond to it.

Thoughts on aging often focus on economic security and independence. We certainly need something to live on but more importantly, don't we need something to live for? Isn't extending life really about expanding life to a sounder, richer, and fuller experience than when we were busy earning a living and rearing a family? Isn't it really about the art of the possible as we grow older and wiser?

Aki Ucup has asserted himself in realizing the art of the possible. When we don't assert ourselves, our world narrows. Friends die, others move away, some become frail, or even we become frail. We can, nevertheless, establish a bridge, especially if we have grandchildren through relationships with the very young.

And through these relationships, Aki Ucup shares his wisdom. What is wisdom? Is it knowledge? Good judgment? Seasoning? If these qualities are combined with humanity, humility and humor, real wisdom comes into being. It is the greatest asset of old age.

As we get older time passes faster than before. Yet Aki Ucup has managed to slow down time. He has taken time, expanded it and shaped it to his dreams. He has achieved this by continually introducing some newness into his living. More challenges, more unfamiliar encounters, and the surprises that bring time to a standstill. More savored moments. More noticing. More remembering as well; the nourishment of nostalgia is exhilarating.

The journey is not yet complete for Aki Ucup and neither for us as we embrace life. Expanding horizons is a lifetime process.