Executives don't stray from marital nest, or so they say

By Pandaya

JAKARTA (JP): Findings from the latest survey on extramarital affairs among executives in two major cities fell far short of raunchy expectations.

The study of 201 executives in Bandung and Jakarta found only 3.3 percent of 60 female respondents and 5.7 percent of the 141 males admitted to having an extramarital affair.

The executives were married and employed in either public or private companies, aged from 25 to 39, and with educational backgrounds ranging from high school graduates to master's degree holders.

Results were tame compared to a 1988 survey by famous sexologist Naek L. Tobing and Matra trends magazine, which concluded 69 percent of married men had affairs.

A similar survey the following year by Tempo, the newsweekly shut down by the government in 1994, found 56 percent of men and 61 percent of women had cheated on their spouses.

The latest study was conducted by Sawitri Supardi, dean of Maranatha Christian University's School of Psychology and lecturer at Parahyangan Catholic University, both in Bandung. She presented the findings last Saturday in a seminar held in celebration of the 23rd anniversary of Kartini women's magazine.

Many of the about 200 people willing to pay Rp 100,000 (US$23) to participate in the one-day seminar were skeptical of the low figures.

Sawitri acknowledged that many respondents were reluctant to divulge details about their private lives, and 30 percent of the questionnaires were returned blank.

Seventy percent of the female respondents said they had "good" male friends with whom they could comfortably share their feelings about their private lives.

But only the tiny percentage of these would own up that this familiarity had developed into an affair.

Intimate relations were defined as chatting, dining out and physical contact of touching and holding hands.

"Although they claim that they only touch and hold hands in expressing their affection, they should be careful because the intimacy can lead to sexual intercourse," she said.

In contrast, only 50.4 percent of the male respondents had "good" female friends in whom to confide. Surprisingly, only the 5.7 percent of these admitted to having an affair, but their definition did not necessarily include sexual intercourse.

In addition to intimate conversations and dining out, they claimed they expressed their love for the "other woman" through petting such as hugging and kissing.

Sawitri warned this was tiptoeing along the borderline of a full-fledged affair involving lovemaking.

The men were particularly attracted to women who "smell good, are smart and physically sexy", the survey report said.

These exacting standards in choosing close female friends were cited by Sawitri as the reason why more of the men were not having affairs.

Respondents tended to look for intimate diversions outside the home when the all-consuming fire of love for their spouse had died down, and respect was on the wane.

Seventy-two percent of male respondents said destructive marital spats occurred due to their wives' jealousy. This, the report said, indicated many of these women lacked socialization because they did not work outside the home.

The study also confirmed the prevalent belief that while male executives and their spouses may be well-educated and reside in urban areas, the men fill the "traditional" role of dominant behind closed doors.

Fifty-eight of female respondents conceded they rarely reach orgasm with their husbands, but said they were happy just to "serve" the latter.

"Women do not see orgasm as something important in marriage," Sawitri said.

But the study noted that executives were developing more modern views on marriage. Both sexes were more open to discussing plans and problems, and 70 percent of the female respondents did not consider sex with their husbands to be obligatory.

To minimize the likelihood of going astray and keeping the romantic sparks in a marriage, the report listed 23 recommendations culled from respondents' answers.

High on the list are honesty and candor, mutual respect, communication, showing affection, understanding a spouse's needs, taking care of one's physical appearance and occasionally dining out together.