Excuses, excuses: Time to stop shifting blame

We had been at our table for quite a while and had finished the appetizer when our friend finally showed up.

"Sorry I'm late. The traffic jam was terrible. It's Saturday, you know, and on the weekend everybody goes out. It took me almost half an hour to find a space in the parking lot. Can you imagine," she blurted out.

We were at a posh shopping mall located in the heart of the city and we all knew that during the weekend it is always crowded and you have to struggle to find a parking space. We had discussed the problems before we made the date, but we agreed to hold our little reunion there because not only is it a good place to eat, but also to window shop and hang out.

"You should've left earlier," my other friend snorted.

"Yes, but you know the traffic was really awful. And every time I reached a traffic light, it was always red and I don't know why it took so long before turning green. And, I couldn't arrive here sooner because there was a car ahead of me which crawled along at a snail's pace."

For many people, "traffic jam" are the two magic words that are expected to save them when they are late for an appointment. For some of us, finding an excuse is all part of our everyday lives.

I remember what my niece said when her mother asked why part of the floor was still dirty after the girl cleaned it.

"The broom was bad, Mom," she said.

If her mother asked about her messy room, she would blame her teacher who gave her so much homework that she did not have time to clean it.

It's always easier to blame other people instead of looking at ourselves. If we fail to finish our job on time, we could blame our computer, which is old and slow, or our boss, who overloads us with work.

Or we could also blame our chair, which is not comfortable, or even the coffee, which got cold too fast so that we didn't feel good when starting our work in the morning.

And we could also blame our parents.

If a toddler hits a table and falls over, many parents would immediately grab the upset child while "snapping" at the table.

"What a naughty table," they would say. And if the child cries, parents do their best to comfort them by smacking the "naughty" table as "punishment", or move it to another place.

But what action to take if the child rode his bike into a tree? Cut it down or uproot it?

My auntie's house is always a mess and she blames the children. But she does little to make the children realize their wrongdoing, let alone order them to get their act together.

She is a firm believer in the "silence is golden" approach. Instead of admonishing her kids, she often goes abroad to shop.

When another friend of mine heard the above tale, she told me how surprised she was because my auntie had something in common with the President.

"How come?"

"She also doesn't talk much," my friend said.

"That's a relief. I was afraid you're going to say that she was the type of a leader who liked to blame others for the mess this country is in."

"No, of course not. And actually, we should not blame her at all. People should blame themselves for electing her."

Oh, no. Not again. Blaming each other will only bring us nowhere.

I know I sound like a self-righteous know-it-all, but I think in a way my friend was right. If we want to get rid of the mess, we, the people, should start with ourselves. Stop complaining about the mess around us.

Look into ourselves and see what we can do to help get things done by doing our best, believing that even the littlest action will help change things.

-- T. Sima Gunawan