Ersatz Irish bar fails to green Kuningan
JAKARTA (JP): A recent piece in The Irish Times reported that Dublin was the only city in Europe that had a declining population of traditional Irish pubs. Elsewhere, however, the Irish pub phenomena has taken off in a big way and such establishments are to be found in just about every major city in the world.
Even Jakarta, where the lack of knowledge about things Irish is second only to that found in Ulan Bator, boasts a hostelry that decks itself out in green and self-confidently brags about being "the true Irish pub". Well, this was a claim that was just screaming to be checked out by this reviewer from the emerald isle!
Location: The Gran Melia Jakarta hotel on Jl. Rasuna Said, in the heart of Jakarta's embassy land.
Hours: Open daily from 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. except for Sundays and public holidays, when the opening time is 5 p.m. There's a buy-one-get-one-free happy hour from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. daily (applies to local beers and certain spirits).
What's it got: All of your favorite local and imported beers and spirits, at star-rated hotel prices. The staff make it a point to apologize profusely for the nonavailability of draught Guinness in Indonesia, offering assurances to drooling aficionados of the black stuff that they'll be the first to get it on tap when it finally arrives in these parts.
Bill, please: Local beer goes for Rp 25,000 per glass while bottles of imported beers will set you back Rp 25,000 for Guinness, San Miguel and Carlsberg, or Rp 41,000 for Heineken and Fosters. A Black Velvet (Guinness and champagne) is Rp 51,000, while on the cocktail front a Shamrock (Irish whiskey, Creme Vermouth, Creme de Menthe) can also to be had for Rp 51,000.
Here's looking at you: On entering Kelts, the first thing you notice is that the place is divided into two main sections. The first has a traditional long, curving and warmly lit bar, which looks positively cozy and inviting. The other section is, however, decidedly weird, sporting a druidical standing stone circle enclosing a tree (the stones are actually real, or if they're not they're made of some very hard stuff as I discovered at the cost of a skinned knuckle).
There are large murals of Celtic warriors glowering out at you all over the place, drawn in a style that varies between socialist-realism and Stan Lee. The presence of all these stones and murals is enough, at times, to make you suspect you wandered into an ethnological museum by mistake.
Strangely, though, for a bar that claims to be Irish, there is a singular lack of paraphernalia from the "old country". Noticeably absent are the maps of Ireland, portraits of Irish literary greats and the black-and-white road signs that are normally to be found gracing the walls of Irish pubs. None the worse for all that, I say. Nevertheless, it kind of undermines Kelts' claim to be "the true Irish pub", whatever that may be.
On the night of our visit, other punters were rather sparse on the ground and seemed to consist mostly of lonely blow-ins from the adjoining hotel staring morosely into their beers. A band was doing its best to liven up the atmosphere by playing increasingly loud Salsa music, but all to no avail. To be fair, however, a couple of chance acquaintances assured us that Kelts was normally a much more happening establishment. We had, unfortunately, picked an off night.
Odds and ends: For those of you partial to the odd game of pool, Kelts has kindly provided a pool table tucked away in a little alcove. The omnipresent warriors are all over the walls here as well, so don't let them put you off your game. There's also live music on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays from 8:30 p.m. until drinking-up time.
Last call: That it is a weird and wonderful place is the very least that can be said about Kelts. While it is self-evident that some very clever people were involved in designing this bar, and that they went to some lengths to achieve what they wanted, the whole ensemble simply doesn't gel.
What results is a coldness, particularly in the mini- Stonehenge section, that is not normally associated with Irish pubs. This place could, in fact, be described as an ersatz Irish pub which, despite its focus on all things Celtic, is nevertheless difficult to conceive of as being part of that great spawning of transplanted Irish hostelries around the world.
Despite all that, however, Kelts remains an eminently interesting theme pub with excellent service and attention to detail, and I would have no hesitation in recommending it to intending tipplers. Just don't go there expecting to find an Irish pub. (Bill Blade)