Ersatz Irish bar fails to green Kuningan
Ersatz Irish bar fails to green Kuningan
JAKARTA (JP): A recent piece in The Irish Times reported that
Dublin was the only city in Europe that had a declining
population of traditional Irish pubs. Elsewhere, however, the
Irish pub phenomena has taken off in a big way and such
establishments are to be found in just about every major city in
the world.
Even Jakarta, where the lack of knowledge about things Irish
is second only to that found in Ulan Bator, boasts a hostelry
that decks itself out in green and self-confidently brags about
being "the true Irish pub". Well, this was a claim that was just
screaming to be checked out by this reviewer from the emerald
isle!
Location: The Gran Melia Jakarta hotel on Jl. Rasuna Said, in
the heart of Jakarta's embassy land.
Hours: Open daily from 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. except for Sundays
and public holidays, when the opening time is 5 p.m. There's a
buy-one-get-one-free happy hour from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. daily
(applies to local beers and certain spirits).
What's it got: All of your favorite local and imported beers
and spirits, at star-rated hotel prices. The staff make it a
point to apologize profusely for the nonavailability of draught
Guinness in Indonesia, offering assurances to drooling
aficionados of the black stuff that they'll be the first to get
it on tap when it finally arrives in these parts.
Bill, please: Local beer goes for Rp 25,000 per glass while
bottles of imported beers will set you back Rp 25,000 for
Guinness, San Miguel and Carlsberg, or Rp 41,000 for Heineken and
Fosters. A Black Velvet (Guinness and champagne) is Rp 51,000,
while on the cocktail front a Shamrock (Irish whiskey, Creme
Vermouth, Creme de Menthe) can also to be had for Rp 51,000.
Here's looking at you: On entering Kelts, the first thing you
notice is that the place is divided into two main sections. The
first has a traditional long, curving and warmly lit bar, which
looks positively cozy and inviting. The other section is,
however, decidedly weird, sporting a druidical standing stone
circle enclosing a tree (the stones are actually real, or if
they're not they're made of some very hard stuff as I discovered
at the cost of a skinned knuckle).
There are large murals of Celtic warriors glowering out at you
all over the place, drawn in a style that varies between
socialist-realism and Stan Lee. The presence of all these stones
and murals is enough, at times, to make you suspect you wandered
into an ethnological museum by mistake.
Strangely, though, for a bar that claims to be Irish, there is
a singular lack of paraphernalia from the "old country".
Noticeably absent are the maps of Ireland, portraits of Irish
literary greats and the black-and-white road signs that are
normally to be found gracing the walls of Irish pubs. None the
worse for all that, I say. Nevertheless, it kind of undermines
Kelts' claim to be "the true Irish pub", whatever that may be.
On the night of our visit, other punters were rather sparse on
the ground and seemed to consist mostly of lonely blow-ins from
the adjoining hotel staring morosely into their beers. A band was
doing its best to liven up the atmosphere by playing increasingly
loud Salsa music, but all to no avail. To be fair, however, a
couple of chance acquaintances assured us that Kelts was normally
a much more happening establishment. We had, unfortunately,
picked an off night.
Odds and ends: For those of you partial to the odd game of
pool, Kelts has kindly provided a pool table tucked away in a
little alcove. The omnipresent warriors are all over the walls
here as well, so don't let them put you off your game. There's
also live music on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays
from 8:30 p.m. until drinking-up time.
Last call: That it is a weird and wonderful place is the very
least that can be said about Kelts. While it is self-evident that
some very clever people were involved in designing this bar, and
that they went to some lengths to achieve what they wanted, the
whole ensemble simply doesn't gel.
What results is a coldness, particularly in the mini-
Stonehenge section, that is not normally associated with Irish
pubs. This place could, in fact, be described as an ersatz Irish
pub which, despite its focus on all things Celtic, is
nevertheless difficult to conceive of as being part of that great
spawning of transplanted Irish hostelries around the world.
Despite all that, however, Kelts remains an eminently
interesting theme pub with excellent service and attention to
detail, and I would have no hesitation in recommending it to
intending tipplers. Just don't go there expecting to find an
Irish pub. (Bill Blade)