Empathy

By Ige Ardian

6:48 p.m. As usual I left the office to head for home home. This happens six days a week, but I've never realized before that half of my life is spent for my work. For a long time my life has been accustomed to this pattern: going to work before the sun appears and going home when the skyline has darkened.

I hastened my steps as I loosened my tie. I hate this tie as much as some might think this is a symbol of well-being. For me it symbolizes a chain that clings to my neck like a slave.

The light dimmed and I began to walk down the road. I had left my car at home this morning for I get bored of driving in a traffic jam everyday. Besides, I felt like I had never known the road I always drive along. Now I want to observe the road closely. More than that, I want to be a part of it.

Sometimes I think it is shameful that I am not acquainted with my daily path. It is true. The road seems so strange to me. As I stepped into the gutter, I can see the real life, which before I had only seen at a glance.

I have only just begun to feel a part of it now.

The first thing I saw was connected to a small shoe shine boy. He was weeping because a man was shouting at him angrily. The customer got upset and he accused the boy of not working properly. Even his shoes got dirtier.

As if I was hypnotized, I approached him and knelt down. I began to repolish the shoes. The man did not care about it. When I finished, he took some money out from his pocket and flung it down casually. I asked the boy to collect the money and then I kept on walking.

Having left the boy, I suddenly smelt a strong fragrance. I tried to find out where it came from. Then I saw some girls smiling at me. From their attitude and the clothes they were wearing I knew that they were trying to sell lust.

"Take me with you, Sir," said one of the girls flirtatiously.

"You can take three of us if you'd like to," said another girl.

They began to tease me.

I approached them and said, "What are you looking for in that dress anyway, girls?"

"We are looking for a man who is willing to share some fun with us. But we also need money," said the prettiest girl.

"Forgive me for I cannot give you fun, pretty girls. There is no real fun in my life anymore. But you can take all my money if you really need it."

So I gave them all my money and left them wondering.

***

I had been walking for hours and I was starving now. Hunger is one of the very basic human desires. I realized just now that because of this hunger, at least I was still a human being.

The next step led me to a coffee shop. The food was served but I was not hungry anymore. I drank the coffee to ease my thirst. As I approached the shopkeeper, I realized that I had no money left in my pocket. Having a long debate the shopkeeper let me go with one condition: I would leave my wrist watch to cover the cost of the food.

This taught me a new lesson that a person is only appreciated according to how much money he has. What a silly life.

In the dark, I begin to walk more slowly. I was so glad that the gutter was not so strange for me now.

The scene next to me now was composed of drunken men who were laughing very hard. They did not even pay attention as I approached them. From the way they behaved, I tried to interpret whether they were just trying to avoid real life. Unconsciously, I began to think as if I was a philosopher. We are sometimes so confused about reality. Some might say that there is no reality and everything is just an illusion. Whatever it is, only broken images are real.

The men were trying to get closer to me. All of a sudden one of them brandished a knife and shouted at me even though we were standing right next to each other. He tried to take away all of my belongings. It was not because I was afraid that I let him take everything, but because I took pity on them. This must have been their way to survive in this hard life. Some people might believe they should get everything when they want to.

***

I had learned many things on my way home. I saw many kinds of people. Life has always been so hard for them and so is mine. The question now is how long will they fly with their broken wings? I, myself, am tired enough.

Just as I was about to step into my house, I looked across the street. It was the same sight that I always neglected. A man always slept there almost naked. I approached him. I removed all my clothes and gave them to him.

I hoped that my clothes would make him warm on this very cold night. I did not even care that I was almost naked now. No conversation took place between us. It seemed that everything was sleeping quietly on this night.

Now I was standing in front of my door. I knocked on the door several times.

"What's the matter with you?" my wife asked in an apprehensive tone as she gave me a long look. She must have been extremely worried to see me almost naked.

I replied in a voice devoid of emotion: "I think I'm going insane."