Effective communication through intuition
Pri Notowidigdo, The Amrop Hever Group, Global Executive Search, (e-mail: jakarta@amrophever.com)
"Ibu tahu karena Ibu paling tahu," says the mother in a TV commercial for Nutren powdered milk. A mother arrives home and asks the babysitter whether Ade, her son, has eaten. The babysitter assures the mother that Ade is eating his meal. The enterprising Ade, with mischievous eyes and a grin on his face, appears to be eating his meal whilst he is actually passing his food to their pet cat sitting discreetly at his feet. Ade has managed to deceive his baby sitter but not his mother. "Mother knows because mother knows best."
This TV commercial highlights a mother's intuition and plays on the whole gamut of meanings of the above statement -- intuitive, all-knowing, and wise. It made me reminisce on my own childhood and how my own mother seemed always to know what was on my mind.
While my father, a career diplomat, was a very logical, wise, and rational leader, my 85-year-old mother has always amazed me to this day with her insights on people and how she manages to draw people to her from all walks of life and make them feel at ease.
People open up to her and, in many cases, pour out their soul to her. It's not that she simply listens, as she also expresses her point of view as well.
Why is it that some people seem to communicate so effectively in any kind of situation? According to James Wanless, this category of person, perhaps like my mother, are effective leaders who use their intuition more than most other people. Wanless is the author of Intuition & Work at Home and at Play. He rejects the popular stereotype that leaders are thinking-machines.
In this regard, Wanless outlines a four-step communication process that he argues strong, inspiring leaders intuitively follow: empathize, engage, educate, and enlist. Firstly, if you want to communicate effectively, you have to want to and be able to empathize with the other person. Put yourself in his shoes.
It's more than simply analyzing him on an intellectual basis. It's about feeling how the other person feels. This involves going beyond facts but also understanding that person's attitudes, values, and emotions toward those facts. Focusing on the "how" as much as the "what" of what that person is saying will bring you to closer to what's behind that person's message and help to quickly bridge rapport between the two of you.
Another important point is to engage the other person. You cannot communicate anything unless you have the complete attention of the other person. Look at him. Listen to him. Tell a true story that conveys your message. Giving personal examples of what you want to convey to him brings the story to life, adds a human touch, and gets his attention. He can relate to your story.
Educate the other person. This means that you have to decide why you are communicating your message. What do you need to get across? Are you imparting wisdom? Are you transferring skills and knowledge? Are you mentoring? Are you giving instructions? Shape the communication accordingly.
The last step is a key one requiring you to ask or influence the other person to commit to the process you have begun. Wanless uses the term "enlist" to highlight that the other person has heard your message and has acted on it.
Intuitive or not, the process provides a practical summary of effective leadership communication and how you can apply it to your personal and professional lives.