Downsize your dream if you hit a wall
Downsize your dream if you hit a wall
By L.E. Nugroho
BANDUNG (JP): About the only constant in today's workplace is
change. Nothing is guaranteed, but resilient people can learn to
weather career setbacks with optimism and a sense of humor. Tough
people don't feel sorry for themselves for long. The person who
wallows in self-pity spends too much time in introspection and
not enough time plotting the future. You can sit around bemoaning
the sad fact that you are not in the fast lane, that you're
underpaid, that the corporate world is not treating you the way
you'd like, but it won't do you any good.
Working as an employee in a "big" conglomerate, I advanced
from trainee to a managerial position. But what I really wanted
was to be the company director. As I approached 35, I came to
realize that nothing would land me that position. In corporate
jargon, I realized I was going to have to "downsize" my ambition.
Most people hit this sort of wall at some point in their
lives. There are many examples, athletes who never make it to pro
careers, singers who never score that hit. We all have dreams. If
success at work isn't the dream, the work may be the means to
one: owning a home or achieving a certain standard of living.
Those of us who don't hit the mark we set for ourselves either
have to make minor adjustments and learn to cope or make drastic
changes and bear the risks.
Instead of correcting our weaknesses -- as many of us are
taught to do -- our experience suggests we should focus on our
special talents. For every strength we have, we also possess a
multitude of "non-strengths". It would be a huge waste of energy
to try to fix all our weaknesses. Being a Renaissance Man -- a
person of many interests and abilities -- is in vogue nowadays,
yet most people pursuing multiple strengths will achieve only
mediocrity in the long run.
Stop
How do we know when it's time to stop trying? And if we do
give up the dream, how do we deal with the loss and go about
reshaping our lives without it? When trying to decide whether to
bury your dreams, you need to take stock. For an external
assessment, you need feedback from people you value, people who
are successful in that particular field and who can clearly tell
you whether or not you've got what it takes. You also need to
conduct an internal assessment, in which you ask yourself some
tough questions: "How much passion do I really have for this
career? Is what I do my "thing", or is it something I was made to
do, something I feel lukewarm about? If I haven't been successful
so far, is it crippling my confidence, self-esteem and quality of
life? How painful is it to fail, and how long can I live with
that feeling?
If after answering those questions, you decide to let go of
the dream, we have to give ourselves time to deal with the loss.
Most people will experience a stage of suffering and resistance.
After this stage, comes acceptance and new resolve.
There's no need to castigate ourselves. The dreams, though
unfulfilled, may have energized us.
Making these decisions may require some help from a vocational
counselor. Or you may want to catalog your own assets, talents,
skills and contacts. Putting all this on paper will help you to
focus on a particular field. From there, you can explore the
possibilities and opportunity windows. In a nutshell, you make
plans, prioritize and go for it.
But before that happens, you'll have to shed your rigid
expectations and develop some flexibility.
A career setback may also give you an opportunity to make up
for lost time with your family. You may say, "I didn't end up as
a director of the company, but at least my wife and kids will
remember me as a good husband and father when I'm dead."