Downsize your dream if you hit a wall
By L.E. Nugroho
BANDUNG (JP): About the only constant in today's workplace is change. Nothing is guaranteed, but resilient people can learn to weather career setbacks with optimism and a sense of humor. Tough people don't feel sorry for themselves for long. The person who wallows in self-pity spends too much time in introspection and not enough time plotting the future. You can sit around bemoaning the sad fact that you are not in the fast lane, that you're underpaid, that the corporate world is not treating you the way you'd like, but it won't do you any good.
Working as an employee in a "big" conglomerate, I advanced from trainee to a managerial position. But what I really wanted was to be the company director. As I approached 35, I came to realize that nothing would land me that position. In corporate jargon, I realized I was going to have to "downsize" my ambition.
Most people hit this sort of wall at some point in their lives. There are many examples, athletes who never make it to pro careers, singers who never score that hit. We all have dreams. If success at work isn't the dream, the work may be the means to one: owning a home or achieving a certain standard of living. Those of us who don't hit the mark we set for ourselves either have to make minor adjustments and learn to cope or make drastic changes and bear the risks.
Instead of correcting our weaknesses -- as many of us are taught to do -- our experience suggests we should focus on our special talents. For every strength we have, we also possess a multitude of "non-strengths". It would be a huge waste of energy to try to fix all our weaknesses. Being a Renaissance Man -- a person of many interests and abilities -- is in vogue nowadays, yet most people pursuing multiple strengths will achieve only mediocrity in the long run.
Stop
How do we know when it's time to stop trying? And if we do give up the dream, how do we deal with the loss and go about reshaping our lives without it? When trying to decide whether to bury your dreams, you need to take stock. For an external assessment, you need feedback from people you value, people who are successful in that particular field and who can clearly tell you whether or not you've got what it takes. You also need to conduct an internal assessment, in which you ask yourself some tough questions: "How much passion do I really have for this career? Is what I do my "thing", or is it something I was made to do, something I feel lukewarm about? If I haven't been successful so far, is it crippling my confidence, self-esteem and quality of life? How painful is it to fail, and how long can I live with that feeling?
If after answering those questions, you decide to let go of the dream, we have to give ourselves time to deal with the loss. Most people will experience a stage of suffering and resistance. After this stage, comes acceptance and new resolve.
There's no need to castigate ourselves. The dreams, though unfulfilled, may have energized us.
Making these decisions may require some help from a vocational counselor. Or you may want to catalog your own assets, talents, skills and contacts. Putting all this on paper will help you to focus on a particular field. From there, you can explore the possibilities and opportunity windows. In a nutshell, you make plans, prioritize and go for it.
But before that happens, you'll have to shed your rigid expectations and develop some flexibility.
A career setback may also give you an opportunity to make up for lost time with your family. You may say, "I didn't end up as a director of the company, but at least my wife and kids will remember me as a good husband and father when I'm dead."