Don't waste this New Year's Eve

Don't waste this New Year's Eve

JAKARTA (JP): This is the time! This is the end of the year,
the end of the decade, the end of the century, and it is the end
of the millennium. So at this great moment of history, let us
spend a little time alone to ask ourselves about the true meaning
of New Year's and how it will affect us. Well, I don't know
either.

Recently, I and a group of friends were discussing what we
would do on New Year's Eve this year. I am sure that many of you
have discussed plans with your friends or family, because, on
that night, you will not want to be the same as millions of other
people who will hit the streets wearing stupid paper hats and
blowing stupid paper trumpets. No, you will want to be different
that night, and that is why you will also have to take cans of
beer to that street and throw up on somebody else's shoes.

No, I'm serious. This New Year's Eve, you should be different
from everyone on the street, because this New Year's Eve is
different than any other before it, and I will tell you why:
because this is the only New Year's Eve that can be affected by
the Y2K bug. That means that while you are celebrating the coming
of the new millennium, the electricity may go off, and you could
get lost in the crowd and nobody would know what happened to you.
By being different from the crowd, you could easily be spotted
after your family reports you missing to the police.

Police: What do you mean you want me to rescue a guy wearing
an elephant head?

Or you could go to a New Year's Eve party, which would not be
very different from partying on the street, except that there
would be host. A host holds a very important function at every
New Year's Eve party. He or she is the one who prevents us, the
drunken guests, from peeing on the furniture. He or she is also
the one holds the official watch and leads those still sober in
the countdown; while on the street, the countdown is conducted by
anyone who thinks of it first, in a very unsynchronized manner.

And do not forget what happens after the countdown, at the
strike of 12 it's the next millennium, baby! At that time people
in the whole city will cheer the coming of the new millennium by
screaming "Happy New Year!" as loud as they can, honk their car
horns, and sing any song to which they can remember the lyrics,
including Kopi Dangdut. And guys, do not forget that girls will
probably let us kiss them. Yes, they will all be willing to do
that in the spirit of a millennium party; and thanks to the
amount of alcohol they drink.

Another thing that will make this New Year's Eve different is
that whatever you want to do that night will determine how cool
we are and it will prove to your colleagues at your office that
you actually have a life, because in their minds they think that
when you return home from the office, you go inside the closet
and turn off your battery until the next morning.

The ending of the millennium has become a very hot subject
among office workers. I bet they have asked you how you will
celebrate this New Year's Eve, and they will also ask about it
when you first arrive at your office on Jan. 3, 2000. And I bet
you want your party to be bigger and better than anyone else's,
so that they know your life is better than theirs.

Tom: My party was awesome! We had more than 1,000 guests. The
band was great, the door prizes were huge. And there were also
strippers.

You: Mine too, but we had more beer. Ha ha!

Gary: I celebrated my New Year's Eve naked with my gay
friends.

You: Uh, Me too, definitely with more beer.

What we do on that night also may change our future image,
even what our future grandchildren may think of us. They might
one day ask what we did that night, because it is a once-in-a-
lifetime experience and they won't have any other subject to talk
to us about. Then we will have the chance to tell them that we
are actually as cool as they are. Imagine 20 years from now,
sitting with your grandchildren, telling them that what you do at
the end of the millennium was party with the Spice Girls. Then
your grandchildren, full of admiration, would ask, "What is the
Spice Girls?"

But what if we were to tell them that what we did was just
sing Auld Lang Syne to paper clips? Well, I have to tell you, we
won't lose a thing, because our grandchildren would already think
of us as old and uncool in the first place, even without knowing
what we did when we were young, considering the fact that we all
live in the same era as Vanilla Ice.

Therefore, it would be advisable for us all to do something
great this New Year's Eve.

Because it is the only chance to change our future image, from
that of an old couch potato to a Bill Clinton. You have to admit
that it wouldn't be half bad being like Clinton when you are old.
I mean, he'll be able to talk about all sorts of past
experiences: world power, money, nuclear missiles, a wife who did
not care what he did, sex with girls half his age, not to mention
the ability to lie about it in front of a nation and get away
with it. In the future, people will use the term "the Clinton" to
refer to a cool old man, just as the term "the Baldwin" is
currently used to refer to a guy with excessive hair cream.

I myself am not that sure what I will do on the big night. But
I am sure that whatever I do, it will change my image to a cooler
and better one, because that is what I believe is the meaning of
new year: a time to change into a better you, every year. That
means becoming less and less like you are today.

-- E. Effendi