Don't let your children and teenagers suffer in silence
Globalization has made the world smaller and, consequently, competition and the pace of life have intensified. The pressure on working adults to keep up with an ever-changing environment has been increasing. Yet, the impact on children and teenagers is even more serious than on adults. Experts from Hong Kong and Singapore shared their opinions with The Jakarta Post's Rita A.Widiadana.
SINGAPORE (JP): One morning Tina, a fourth grade elementary school student, strongly refused to go to school saying she suffered from a headache. She vomited and later fainted.
Her mother rushed her to a nearby hospital where doctors found no sign of illness in this beautiful and smart kid.
On that day Tina, 9, was supposed to participate in a series of school tests and her mother was confident Tina would do well as she had already drilled her for hours in the previous night.
With an IQ level of 140, Tina is well above the average student, excelling in almost any school subject, including sports and art. Her parents know it very well. They enroll her in a variety of after-school lessons -- computers, piano, drawing, swimming and even mini golf. Tina's day is always filled with activities because her parents feel that it is urgent to enter the "globalized world".
When Tina felt ill, the only diagnosis given by the doctors was that "she was physically and emotionally exhausted" and could no longer bear the pressure. Tina suffers from depression. She felt terrible and was anxious that she would not perform well in her tests.
Her mother was shocked, responding that Tina was an active and cheerful child, rarely complaining. "Tina enjoys learning and doing all her activities," argued the mother, concealing the fact that she would beat her daughter's tiny body if she received a C or B for mathematics.
Tina is just one of the many victims of physical and mental abuse inflicted by ambitious parents.
Felice Lieh-Mak, a noted professor of psychiatry from the University of Hong Kong and former president of the World Psychiatric Association, mentioned in a recent interview that there are thousands or perhaps millions of children in Asia who live in misery like Tina.
Many parents are now demanding their children excel academically in order to keep pace with the fast-changing, competitive high-tech world they live in. Unfortunately, the children are often left to their own devices because their parents are too busy to spend quality time with them.
"Such a harsh and competitive world has caused mild to severe problems associated with stress such as depression, panic attacks, anxiety, eating disorders and antisocial behavior," said Prof. Mak, who is also a consultant for the World Health Organization.
The more serious problems may lead the youth to experiment with alcohol and drugs, become involved in juvenile crime, or even commit suicide.
Younger
The professor added that, in the past, people always believed that stress-related problems and depression only affected people middle-aged and older.
"Once it was called a middle-aged syndrome. Now, it affects younger people, even teenagers and children. Worst of all, it is a global trend," she explained.
In Singapore alone, some disturbing figures reveal that more children are seeking psychiatric help. In l998, 358 students sought psychiatric help at the Child Psychiatric Clinic at the Institute of Health.
About 15 percent were pre-primary, 50 percent from primary and the remaining 35 percent from secondary school.
Fear of school, fear of failure, and behavioral problems were the common reasons stated for the therapy.
A survey covering 1,742 primary school aged children revealed that 1 in every 3 of the participating children believe life is not worth living. This sentiment is linked directly to fear of examinations and poor performance, the death of a parent or guardian, and relationship problems between parents.
In Indonesia and neighboring countries the number of youth suffering from stress-related problems has yet to be studied and surveyed further to obtain a clearer picture.
Dr. Pauline Sim, a consultant psychiatrist at Singapore's Mount Elizabeth-Charter Behavioral Health Services, warned that children and teenagers are the most vulnerable groups in society.
"When they suffer depression and withdraw from their families and friends, adults often think they are just going through a phase caused by growing pains," said Dr. Sim.
She said it is good news that the majority of stress-related problems can actually be treated and the sufferers may rebuild normal lives.
"The number of young people falling victim to depression is increasing and too few of them receive the treatment they require because of adults' lack of awareness," she complained.
One reason for this is that children and young people resist help. "It is very difficult to persuade a son or daughter to receive treatment because they never speak out about their problems, especially children."
Some of the young people affected often don't appear depressive to those around them. They are more likely to appear aggressive or tense.
Dr. Sim added that parents should be aware of signs which indicate conditions such as general misery, low stress capacity or a lack of self-confidence.
Sufferers suddenly appear to show no interest in other people, objects or activities which previously made them enthusiastic. Depressed young people also often suffer from anxiety and psychosomatic illnesses such as headaches or stomach aches.
"I have treated so many children and teenagers, but I found that the actual patients are their parents," she explained.
"Stress and depression in children and teens mostly stems from home, from their parents," she explained.
Marital problems among parents may result in serious emotional and behavioral problems in young people.
A landmark study conducted in the United States observed 100 children from divorced families for 25 years into adulthood. The study revealed that divorce has a profound and lasting impact on the emotional lives of children, which is felt most acutely in their own adult relationships. The survey also indicated that the experience could result in increased use of drugs and alcohol during youth.
Other significant findings indicate that it is high time for parents to listen to and accept their children under whatever circumstances.
"Listening to your children is not easy, because you will hear a great deal that you may wish you had not heard, especially on your weaknesses," Dr. Sim said.
If you find you can, then you will have given your children the greatest gift of their lives -- the gift of being listened to and accepted. If you fail to do so, you may just be adding to the number of depressed children in this world.