Domestic violence is a crime

A real man does not beat his wife. For many years, this has been the campaign cry, to spread awareness that no matter how manly and attractive one might be; or hardworking, wealthy, generous, well-respected, powerful and dedicated to the nation; harming ones' spouse, child or any other family member is despicable.

And because women too have been found to commit monstrous acts behind closed doors, mostly against crying children or hapless servants, activists and lawyers have long concluded state intervention is needed to stop such acts.

At the risk of poking one's nose into the private business of our neighbors, we might intervene only when a dying child or severely scalded maid is rushed to hospital. When a woman reports violence at the hands of her husband, even her own mother might faithfully follow tradition and tell her daughter to do her best to reflect on her faults and patch up the marriage for the sake of the children -- or the family honor.

Police officers or religious authorities will also repeatedly question a victim, asking her if she really wants her children to face the public shame that would occur if she reported her husband and puts him in jail.

It was thus with great enthusiasm that women's groups across the country greeted the green-light last year from the first female president, Megawati Soekarnoputri, who said she hoped the bill on domestic violence would be deliberated as soon as possible.

The organizations and the National Commission of Violence Against Women were already hopeful, as the draft bill from the House of Representatives largely mirrored their proposals. However recently, things turned worrisome as crucial clauses were left to be deliberated in closed sessions starting this week.

At a press conference on Monday, the commission raised concerns about the "half-hearted" stance of the state in working to overcome violence in the home. With a few weeks to the end of current legislators' terms, the women feared that failure to pass a bill resembling the draft would mean a lengthy deliberation process all over again.

Because while the common perception is that family spats are private, although physical abuse or economic neglect may often continue for years, appearing to vouch for such honorable "family values" is every shrewd politician's game.

Legal recognition of such violence would be the first step in breaking down the protective walls -- the concepts of "private affairs" or the "sanctity of marriage" -- and force the police and other law enforcers to take an active role in preventing and stopping violence in the home. The law would mean police would not have the luxury of waiting until the victim summoned enough will to report the violence to them.

Lawyers and others accompanying victims of family violence have seen how it takes a law to look police officers and judges in the face, who are waving the standard requirements for evidence at them, and tell them that no, we have no other witness apart from that distraught victim and the perpetrator.

Yet the passing of legislation will not in itself shield women from domestic violence. Such monstrous acts comes from cultural and social defects in our society. They relate to the harboring of obsolete and erroneous values, which classify women and the economically disadvantaged as people of a lower caste. It begins with a simple case of sexism, material arrogance and leads towards vanity of rank.

It is ironic that as a culture that holds dear the belief that "heaven is beneath a mothers' footsteps", many among us, unwittingly or not, help perpetuate values that glorify male dominance. Many exploit religious scripture to justify the predominant role of one gender over another, while our feudalistic culture cultivates a master-slave relationship.

A man's home is his castle. But real-life kings have learnt they cannot treat their subjects maliciously.

Education is key towards amending these perceptions, but more importantly how we live at home -- as a parent, sibling and friend -- will become models to exemplify proper values and break down these prejudices.