Discussing war issues with your children
Donya Betancourt, Pediatrician, drdonya@hotmail.com
Talk of war permeates the airwaves. At school, at friends' homes, your child hears about what is going on in Iraq. But do they really understand? What can you do?
My advice is to keep alert for signs of stress in your children. Some basic signs of stress are when a usually very quiet child becomes antsy or talks a lot. Or when a happy-go- lucky child becomes quiet and sullen. If eating and sleeping habits change, there may be stress. If your child starts talking about giving away their favorite things, there's a serious problem.
Children need to know they are being heard. It's important that your children know they can express their feelings. Parents may feel uncomfortable talking about tragedy, but events that cause stress to the family unit must be talked about. Plus, your child is aware that something is happening anyway, so asking your child to talk or draw a picture of what the world looks like to them is a very good way to see what is happening in your child's mind.
When children display fear agree with them and let them know it is OK to be afraid. It is a mistake to tell them they don't need to be afraid. Instead, look at things that make them feel safe.
Children's attitudes and behavior are a reflection of their environment, so parents need to take care about passing on old attitudes that were passed on to them.
Most parents are still trying to make up their own minds about traumatic events, consequently this is a good time to remain open-minded and simply teach acceptance.
Many parents don't show a lot of emotional reaction around their kids. It's very appropriate to tell kids when you're afraid, confused or angry. Try to avoid totally falling apart around children, but it's OK to tell them that you're afraid or that you don't have the answers. Show them how reading a book or doing some exercise can relieve pressure. Typically, it will be at bedtime that your child will start a conversation and if this means a late night it is worth it.
Many children want to speak but do not want eye contact, consequently conversations also arise while the parent is driving.
And turn off the TV. Too many families leave the TV on 24 hours a day. The constant bombardment of destruction, disaster, hostility, noise and fear is a tremendous burden to put on our children, so give them a break and turn off the TV. Ask your children if they have seen anything they want to talk about.
Though parents may be stressed out by the uncertainty of the future or fearful, depressed and anxious about these uncertain times, they may have adapted to the circumstances and are able to function at their usual levels.
Or, on the other hand, they may be experiencing continuing problems. If depression or anxiety are too severe or interfere with your ability to function, see a doctor or a mental health professional.
If you're having trouble coping with the tensions involved in current world affairs, you're not alone. There's a broad range of responses to extremely stressful events. Some people resume their normal activities with seemingly little disruption to their lives, whereas others find it hard to get back on track.
There are a few suggestions for stress management. First, don't take yourself too seriously, after all you're just one person in a whole pool of people.
Maintain your spirituality, stay positive and believe in the power of good. Try to preserve and even strengthen your daily routine.
Most people aren't going to need psychiatric care. The people who are most susceptible to distress include: * People with a history of posttraumatic stress disorder * People with a history of depression and anxiety * Older people * Children
No matter how just the cause there is never a winner in war, one side simply loses less than the other. As parents we must ensure that our children are not victims and that they learn how to deal with stress. This can only be accomplished if we maintain an open line of communication with our children.