Dealing with stubborn toddlers

Dear Dr. Donya,

I have a two-and-a-half-year-old son in pre-school. We are six adult family members at home. I'm facing a big problem with him nowadays. He is growing very stubborn. Many times he cries without reason. For example, he cries if we switch off the fan, or if we press the buttons in the lift, and many more such insignificant things.

Once he starts crying, he won't listen to anybody. Sometimes he even starts pulling our his hair, and I have even seen him lying on the floor and screaming.

I don't understand -- why is he becoming like this?

He started getting picky over small things recently. I live with my in-laws. Can you help me understand him? Could this be because of me? Sometimes I blame myself for all this. I try to control my temper, but I can't help but lose it sometime.

When I'm angry I do shout at him. But most of the time we try to explain things to him. I'm very upset. I don't know what to do. One more thing: my son throws things when he is angry.

Do you think this could be because he spends more time in front of the television? He does love watching the Cartoon Network. Maybe he is becoming aggressive because of TV.

My son hardly goes out to play anymore. He prefers instead to watch TV. It is impossible for us to take him to mall everyday, which he really enjoys.

--Anju M.

Dear Anju,

Sorry for taking so much time to answer your question. First, I will address what you as a parent can do right off the bat -- stop blaming yourself.

What your son needs is quality time and understanding.

Your son is at a very frustrating time in his life because he has not developed the ability to express his thoughts. He is in a house full of adults, and walks around in a forest of legs. I suspect he has discovered that if he causes a commotion, people get down on his level.

As I recall, you wrote me before about your son sucking on his thumb. Is he still doing this? As I wrote before, what your son needs is attention and consistency.

He doesn't have to go to the mall to play, he just needs you or any of the adults to give him some time. Take him for a walk, let him play with other kids; he may be too young to go to school right now. I am not comfortable with his aggression.

This is also a time when boundaries for acceptable behavior need to be set by your family.

My best advice is to make a serious effort to give quality time everyday on a routine basis. Begin by making a clear determination of what you find as acceptable behavior, and make it known to your son what he can and cannot not do.

If you continue to have problems, consider taking him to see child psychiatrist, and at least let the doctor evaluate him.

--Dr. Donya

Dear Dr. Betancourt,

My two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Talisha, has in-toeing. So it was that I read your The Jakarta Post article on December 19 with great interest. As a concerned parent, I have decided to write this letter to seek further enlightenment on the subject.

To make the story short, I have three questions about my daughter's problem:

1. Is in-toeing also caused by misshapen bone development in the ankles?

2. Can a misshapen bone be a fourth pathological cause of in- toeing, whereas in my article you mention three?

3. Could it be that corrective shoes are, in fact, harmful to the development of Talisha's ankle bones, and might it instead be better to let her "grow out of her condition"?

Also, are corrective shoes necessary at all? Could they be correcting a problem that will correct itself anyway? Could they cause bone deformation that may, in fact, be detrimental to her later in life?

Dear Glenn,

Thank you for your letter. You and your wife are doing the right thing by taking Talisha to see a specialist because it is not normal for children of her age to be stumbling and falling while they are running. So you are most likely doing the right thing by putting her in special shoes.

Here are some brief answers to your questions:

1. YES, any wrong development from the femoral head until the foot can cause "in-toeing."

2. I would rather say that there are three common causes that are usually diagnosed -- and, of course, not 100 percent are caused from the 3 causes I mentioned in my article.

3. My best answer will depend on Talisha's condition after she has seen by a foot specialist. The type of shoes will depend on the severity, sex and age of patient.

I am sorry that I cannot help you more; I am sure that your doctor will be able to answer all your questions.

--Dr. Donya

Dear Dr. donya,

I give petit miam yogurt to my eight-month-old baby every day (60 grams) after lunch. Is this a good idea?

Dear Popon,

Yogurt tastes similar to milk, and is a good first food for babies who are at least five or six months old. Whole milk yogurt is recommended because your baby needs fat. But baby yogurt should be of the plain variety. Don't buy yogurt with sugary fruit or artificial sweetener.

--Dr. Donya