Coping with differences between coworkers

Galih Soewignjo Consultant INSpira Consulting, Jakarta

Everyone has their own way of working and interacting with others. Most of the time, it works well and you are comfortable with them.

People have different ways of thinking, making decision, using time, communicating, handling emotions, managing stress and dealing with conflict.

These differences, however, can lead to serious problems if people fail to adjust to each other. This may increase stress and affect productivity.

The differences are something that should be coped with and managed so that they do not disrupt the working environment but instead increase productivity.

This may be the reason why many business organizations require their workers to have the competency to build productive relationships with their coworkers, despite their differences.

If you can figure out how to bridge the gap between yourself and others, you could make your work life -- and theirs -- much easier, happier and more productive. People who relate effectively to others have a more rewarding and happier life in all facets of their experience.

The challenge in turning such differences into something more productive lies with a person's flexibility. Flexing your style means adapting and understanding other people's processes and points of view. It is not about changing or conforming your opinion to others'. It's about relating constructively while appropriately disclosing your perspective on things, as well as listening empathetically to others.

The better the interpersonal process, the more likely that people accurately hear each other and creatively resolve conflicting opinions.

A relationship will also work better if some changes are made. However, forcing others to change to increase compatibility only adds stress to an already burdened relationship.

It is better if the change starts from you. You don't need to wait for the other person to come around to your way. You can do something to improve things and should be focused on what makes the interaction more comfortable for the other person.

Not only will you feel more in control, but your attempt to adapt to the other person will often enable you to achieve your goals. When you make it easier for another person to work with you, that person usually changes his or her behavior in ways you appreciate. As a result, both of you impact positively on the relationship. Remember, this is a temporary adjustment of a few aspects of behavior.

Flexibility as a contributor to a productive relationship consists of a series of steps.

First, it is important to correctly identify your own style and that of the other person to whom you'll be relating.

Second, plan for communication with others. In this step, you simply incorporate your knowledge of styles into your preparation.

Implementation is the next step. As you relate to the person, you make those changes in your own behavior that you believe can improve the relationship. When relating, a certain amount of trial and error is unavoidable. Always monitor the impact of your behavior, and modify both your plan and your behavior.

Flexibility is a very useful way of bridging the differences between people, but it is still not enough to create a productive relationship.

The way virtually everyone wants to be treated is the foundation of a constructive relationship. Strong relationships are built by being consistently honest, fair and respectful toward others.

To treat others fairly is to act justly and without bias toward them. That means seeking win-win approaches and making sure the scales aren't tipped unduly in your direction. Respect is based on the notion that every other individual is a person, expressed through nondisparaging communication and by putting others at ease through the use of good manners.

Think about your way of working and relating. Knowing your differences, combined with being honest, fair and respectful to others, will help you achieve your goals, repair bad relationships and make good relationships even better.