Communication is the cornerstone of a functional family

JAKARTA (JP): Rapport can be said to be the mutual ability get along, or, perhaps, the intangible bond born of sharing pleasant vibes. The definitions could go on for this nexus of human sentient, which is the foundation of the life long relationship between your child and yourself.

Be it the task of solving sibling conflicts, or that of nurturing their behavioral education, establishing a rapport with them sustains the very first notch for accomplishing anything.

The basic and foremost task assigned to every parent is that of disciplining their offsprings. To discipline is to teach and to teach should be according to a certain consistent and preconceived set of rules and regulations. People, from crib to college; animals, from dogs to dolphins, should be taught in such a manner which refrains from incurring hate and suppressed hostility. This is the essence of teaching. Initially, to help every disciplinarian reach a definite stage of consistency, the basic and essential format of desirable and undesirable behavior should be clearly demarcated in his or her mind.

This decision, on the part of every parent, to discipline consistently, should be the first step for establishing a solid rapport. A rapport so strong that it dispels the pressures that the unforeseen events of life can cast in our path leaving behind a crack in the wall.

Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson, an internationally known psychologist, draws from his experience as a parent and that of twenty years as a psychologist educator. "For any relationship, be it that of either doctor - patient, parent - child, or teacher - pupil, nothing can be accomplished until good vibes are established first."

Second, it should be the foremost endeavor of every parent to map out an emotional foundation too. As time passes, every parent should exercise his psycho analytic prowess to oscillate between "permissiveness" and "possessiveness". Born out this bond of love and care, it is natural for a child to voluntarily stay within a rough set of limits designed for him by his parents.

Unfortunately, many parents are as misinformed, as they are unaware, of this basic psychological premise. The rising awareness of parents to decelerate their role as a "command giver" and that of the child as the "obeyer" sets parents on a new footing of how to raise their children in the best possible manner.

As the age of family togetherness decreases, with youngsters still in their teens, graduating out of their parents homes, a small amount of conflict and lack of rapport can go a long way in making the free minded ambitious child want to lead an individualistic life. Nothing can be more apt and deeply moving than the words of the mighty prophet and poet Khalil Gibran as he expands on children: "And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you... You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts."

Demanding time

Rahman is the father of an eight year old whirlwind of a son and a four-year-old cherub of a daughter. Both are bright and alert children and were described as having strong characters.

Rahman, who works in an international company in Jakarta as a sales manager occasionally having to travel, says, "I am the idol of my daughter. When I'm home she's always somewhere in sight, playing with her dolls, giving me a smile every ten minutes that can light the world like the sun." His other child, however, constantly asks him to do something - make paper planes or read something or maybe just wanting him to watch the latest serial of Ksatria baja Hitam. "It's tough on me when I'm tired but I know we will be good friends a few years on."

A rapport with each child should be approached on a highly individualistic level. It is indeed sad to see an under-confident and misinformed parent follow the advice of someone who professes to know more. If each parent were to adapt the learned techniques and utilize it according to their own unique family circumstance, it would definitely yield immensely more positive results rather than Parent X adopting the same ways with Child X as Parent Y does with Child Y.

Kathy Johnson, who is an active social worker and a mother of a four-year-old child and seven-month-old baby, is of the opinion that, "Until your child reaches toddlerhood, it is natural to spend a great deal of time cuddling and playing with the latest addition to the family. Till this time, the need to enforce discipline is minimal and you feel immense rapport with your child. It's after this stage that your rapport is going to be at test. If a conscientious parent takes care not to miss out on the cuddles as the child grows big, it is this cuddling that manifests into other forms of communications between parent and child."

Mrs. Johnson seems all prepared and well armed for that dreaded period of adolescence. "No one needs this sharing more than an adolescent child. Critically important is the feeling of having a parent as a friend, who will listen without criticizing, someone who will respect him and treat him like a grown up. And someone who will do the things they find fun and interesting. I know my teenage kids will like me and not find me an embarrassment as so many kids do nowadays."

You can have warmth, closeness and endless adventures in serendipity and a rollicking good time with your kids just by regularly feeding your ravenous bank account of rapport with your loved ones. Nothing is more precious and potentially gratifying to a parent than to relate happily to his flesh and blood, while teaching him the value of human interactions. No achievement, no reward, is greater than being close to a child who respects, loves and is concerned about others.